Day 5: Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 6 days to be Thankful!

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Day 5: June 14, 2016 (actual Facebook post)

Although there were no big milestones today, she did manage to improve all her ventilator vitals, putting us that much closer to getting her off the breathing machine and that much closer to eventually going home. The more I pressed the docs for the magic numbers to signify she’d be ready to come off the breathing machine, the more I kept realizing I was trying to force a recovery that might eventually sacrifice everything we’re working towards (don’t worry, the docs would never compromise on her health). It’s so true with life.

Instead of savoring the journey, we want to rush to the end.

I once heard a priest say he was most thankful for the ability to suffer as it put him that much closer to God.

As the morning hours gave way to night, I realized today was all about “perspective,” putting focus on what really matters in life – Stella getting better! As much as I’d love for her to be healed by the weekend, it really doesn’t matter how fast Stella heals, just that she heals. We’re not giving up or going to quit just because it may take longer than we could ever imagine. We’re also preparing ourselves that she could easily regress in her recovery due to unforeseen complications.

All day I found myself staring at her innocent little face and that tiny little body. All I can think about is holding her in my arms and squeezing her tightly. I can hear her saying “daddy” and “mommy” in my head even though she hasn’t physically said a word in 5 days. I can also imagine holding her up over my head, looking into those big brown eyes and those eyes fixed back on me, even though we have only seen them open for a few seconds, unable to acknowledge we’re in the room by her side. Sometimes I even think back to the last words she said to me Friday morning before I left for work – it actually wasn’t even words but laughter as I was tickling her as she lay next to Brooke, wondering if I’ll ever hear her laugh again. I assure myself I will not only hear her laugh again but it will be uncontrollable laughter as we roll on the floor and wrestle like I do with her brothers and older sister.

This week is teaching both Brooke and me about patience, letting God unveil his plan for us without us rushing to see what’s at the end.

It’s funny how we all say we trust God’s healing hands but so often we expect that to come with a specific time table which we measure in weeks if not days.

What if His healing period for little Stella is a year, what if it’s 2 years? We will do whatever it takes and just celebrate the fact we have our little Stella. Oh how I miss her so much and know she will think I’m crazy for refusing to let her go. I can’t wait… but I must. Thanks again for all the continued prayers and please know they are working. I also ask for you to pray for others as we are not the only ones with sick loved ones.

To read about Stella’s journey from the beginning, read Day 1: Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 10 days to be Thankful!

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Day 4: Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 7 days to be Thankful!

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Day 4: June 13, 2016 (actual Facebook post)

We have settled in and embraced the journey. There is not much to update today and that in itself is progress. She is still on the ventilator and probably will be for a couple more days if things continue trending positive. I think Brooke and I truly believe she will get better and come home; we just have to be patient and let Stella’s body do it’s thing.

Personally, for me today has been a spiritual journey, one that has brought lots of clarity. I took a little run this afternoon to get my thoughts together and get the mental recharge I needed to be a pillar of strength for Stella, Brooke and my other kids. As I took each stride, I began to see what God was trying to teach me. I/We were not in uncharted waters; maybe different from anything we’ve experienced on the surface, but at the core it was not anything we couldn’t handle. We are fighters and we have both had our fair share of hard times over the years. As 1 mile turned into 2 miles I began to feel lighter. It was as if each breath I took was a breath for Stella. I continued running with the conviction that each breath was somehow pumping life into my little Stella.

It was somewhere between mile 3 and 4 that I was able to put our situation into terms I could understand. A war had been waged on my family June 10th at 4:20pm. Without any provocation, something tried to take my little Stella from us. That something thought it could shake our faith and convince us to surrender. Like most battles, we suffered some bruises, body piercing lacerations and even lost some body parts. A piece of my heart is still on our floor where the EMT was trying to stop her seizures. That part of my heart has been hardened but it continues to beat with even more sensitivity to love for my kids. We may be battered but not deterred. We stood our ground and prevented the siege on our family. We did not surrender nor will we ever.

The initial battle has passed and our wounds are beginning to heal. Like most wars, coming to terms with the initial shock is half the battle. We now know what we’re in for and are fully prepared to take it head on – whatever it may be we are fully accepting of our fate. Moments like these may scare some but it only makes me even more thankful for all the blessings in my life. A question worth asking is does adversity make you thankful, does it make you regretful or does it just make you bitter. I can honestly say I never dreamed of a life this rewarding and fulfilling when I was a kid. I never thought I’d have the opportunity to find someone to love and share my life with – much less someone who would give me not 1 but 5 amazing kids. I just wish every parent knew how lucky they are to have kids. If they did, would they live their life a little different? As parents, do we live our lives so that our kids are as proud to call us their parents as we are to call them our kids? Right or wrong I try to assess my life on whether I can rest easy knowing I did everything to make life better for my kids. Did I do everything I could to prepare them for the real world. My goal is never to remove the pains in their life but rather to teach them that everything worth having in life requires sacrifice and commitment.

When we started our journey as parents, I could never wrap my head around loving a 2nd child as much as you love your first, much less loving all 5 equally in their own ways. But by the grace of God, with each kid my heart is filled with new love, an unwavering source of love that knows no boundaries or limitations. It’s hard to believe you could love something so much. As my run came to an end, I became confident we’re going to win this war. We may lose a few battles along the way, but we’re going to continue fighting and win the war. I am thankful for all the continued prayers and I know God has a special plan for little Stella.

To read about Stella’s journey from the beginning, read Day 1: Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 10 days to be Thankful!

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Day 3: Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 8 days to be Thankful!

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One of the hardest things as a parent is being strong for your kids when everything inside you just wants to breakdown and cry.

Nothing we learned in school or at work prepared us for staring into the eyes of our other 4 kids and assuring them without hesitation that everything will be ok. As parents, we always want to be open and honest with our kids, but we also don’t want to prematurely rob them of their innocence by exposing them to the harsh realities of life. Pain exists. It is a very real emotion and is a great teacher. I tell myself daily our biggest struggles in life are preparing us for our greatest blessings…we just have to keep the faith and continue pushing forward when everything around us suggests quitting. I share with you Day 3 of our suffering and its reminder that we truly have much to be thankful for this holiday season.

Day 3: June 12, 2016 (actual Facebook post)

Today was much better than yesterday. We are now focused on small wins and excited to see some regression of the previous day’s trauma. Little Stella is off BP meds but is now on heparin to combat the blood clot she sustained in her right leg after getting a central line – necessary evil to combat all the issues Sunday. The other 4 siblings were able to visit little Stella today. The staff provided great education to them on her condition to minimize the shock but I think it was still a lot for them to take in. I’ll never forget our 8yr old asking Brooke if Stella will ever come home. We know they’ve had lots of questions and seeing her did help.

I just don’t think it’s natural for kids to understand sometimes things get worse before they get better.

I reminded them of my old burn photos and of their previous hospitalizations. Luckily I was able to slip away for a little while and take them out for some ice cream. Hopefully these little distractions remind them Brooke and I love them very much and dearly want to be back home with them and little sis.

I think we’re hopefully on the upside but we now realize this is probably a longer path to recovery than originally anticipated. We are steadfast in our commitment to do whatever it takes and still thankful for our blessings. We are continuously amazed by the support of friends and loved ones and it does help ease the pain.

The nurses gave Stella a mani and pedi last night. The little things bring lots of hope that our little angel will be back in our arms soon. Hug your little ones extra long tonight. I am thankful we never take our blessings for granted and truly savor every minute with our kids.

To read about Stella’s journey from the beginning, read Day 1: Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 10 days to be Thankful!

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Day 2: Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 9 days to be Thankful!

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Reliving the past is painful. It rekindles vivid memories of the fear of the unknown, the uncertainty of what our new life will look like, the searching for comfort in God’s omnibenevolence, the answer to “could I have done anything differently,” and so many other thoughts that amass into a brain fog. It is our ability to look back at these times of despair to remind ourselves we will always make it. We will get through the hard times. We will resume living and once again taste the pleasures of living in the moment. The more we struggle, the more we realize we are not alone. Everyone struggles, some physical, some mental, some spiritual. I have always take solace that suffering reaffirms we are living and constantly surrounded by loved ones ready to comfort us in those times of need.

For the first 10 years of my burn injury, I never looked at photos of my scars. I didn’t want to be reminded of the pain I endured and the pain to come. As I embraced my new reality, I realized sharing my journey brought healing and closure to a very painful past. I share with you Day 2 of our suffering and its reminder that we truly have much to be thankful for this holiday season.

Day 2: June 11, 2016 (actual Facebook post)

Stella update. The last 12-18 hours have been tough with a decline in her health. Although very disturbing series of events this morning, we remain optimistic and we’re told this is in line with the aspiration pneumonia she suffered . The pneumonia typically continues to develop until about 48hr post seizure. Long and short, we’re hopeful the decline has plateaued and her body can focus on healing. It’s long and slow journey that rewards faith.

The prayers have been overwhelming and we ask you continue to keep our little Stella in your prayers. We’re pretty sure we’ll be here all week but we’ll do whatever it takes and super thankful our friends are keeping our 4 other kids distracted. These situations remind you just how passionate and caring the people we surround ourselves with are.

On the positive side, she’s had no seizure activity and they’ve finally removed the EEG sensors from her head. It makes a huge difference to see her entire face and hair. I’m now able to at least kiss her on the check and forehead and touch her sweet little face, ears and hair. She’ll continue to remain sedated until they feel her lungs have healed more from the aspiration. Can’t wait to hold her in my arms again and it’s that memory that keeps up pushing ahead.

To read about Stella’s journey from the beginning, read Day 1: Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 10 days to be Thankful!

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Permission to be Excessive. Pick something you care about…go all out.

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Not everything we do has to produce a ROI. Not everything we do even has to make sense. That’s the beauty of life. As long as our actions don’t negatively impact the lives of others or break laws, we have the ability to fully pursue our own happiness, however trivial or grandiose it may be. The history of the world has forever been shaped by people who did things to the extreme, not out of necessity or financial consideration, but because they were passionate about their work and making a statement to the world. Money was obviously a consideration, but it was not the driving or limiting factor. We studied these people and their works of labor in detail in history class – Roman Coliseum, Renaissance paintings, Egyptian Pyramids, the Great Wall of China … They wanted to show the world their work was the best and never to be outdone.

Imagine if you committed the same level of excellence in your profession. If you did, I promise you’ll never go back to your old way of doing business.

In today’s view, these “over the top” projects don’t produce a solid ROI and are never undertaken. One challenge of producing a ROI is it often breeds mediocrity. Sadly, many temper their risk aversion by sacrificing quality and it shows in their work. Much like their work, many have played it safe their whole life and yet question why their life feels average or void of purpose. Regardless of your opinion of pro athletes, musicians or actors, as a whole, these are people who committed early in life to their passion. Can you put a price on pursuing excellence? Can you put a price on leaving a legacy? Can you put a price on happiness or fulfilling one’s calling? If you were to pursue a passion with relentless focus, what would it be? Don’t make the mistake of confusing a hobby with a career. Hobbies lose their enjoyment once they become careers.

Ever since I was a small boy I wanted a tree house. My parents attempted to build one and the end result was an 8’ x 8’ shed nestled on the ground against the back-yard fence. As an adult, I use the word loosely and it’s often debated by my wife, I decided to give my kids the tree house I had envisioned as a child. Remember, it’s always for “the kids.” Being a smart husband, I asked my wife for her blessing before committing our hard earned money to this venture (trust me, she knew full well what she was in for by saying yes). Little did she know I had already been researching for over a month the best tree house builder and had conducted multiple phone interviews with custom tree house builders/general contractors all over the country. With her approval secured, I selected a tree house specialist out of Philadelphia, who was an arborist and had been building custom tree houses for over 20 years. Besides his expertise and portfolio of final products, I loved the passion he exuded over the phone about building a one of a kind experience…and he was “within reason” of my budget.

Fast forward 6 weeks. Like most custom projects, we exceeded our budget and had some challenges but nothing we couldn’t overcome with a commitment to see the project through to completion. Besides, how do you tell your kids you can’t finish what you started. There will always be bumps in the road on the way to fulfilling a dream. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Surprisingly, I was having my house painted at the same time and learned my painter used to paint army jeeps back when he served in Vietnam. Coincidence? Personally, I don’t believe in coincidences. If you put yourself out there and often, you quickly learn you are constantly surrounded by people who can and will help you achieve your dreams. The key is to share your dreams…with everyone. You never know who you are talking to (see my article on guy at Starbucks who wrote me check for $10,000). It didn’t take much persuasion to convince him to paint the tree house and I can assure you he lost money based on the hours his crew invested (he never complained and apologized wishing he could have done better).

The masterpieces visionaries leave behind don’t produce a solid ROI nor do they improve the quality of life of society. They do something even grander. They encourage people to take risks. They give people a sense of pride in doing something no one else dared to do. They dared to be excessive and pursue their passion with no limits. I challenge you to leave a masterpiece in your community, whether it’s a treehouse, holiday decorations or the greenest lawn in the neighborhood. I’m a firm believer in anything worth doing is worth overdoing.

Pick something you care about and pursue it with all your heart…permission to be excessive.

About Shay

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out his other posts.

Hungry? Getting and staying on top.

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Want to grow your company/organization beyond your wildest dream… hire someone who is hungry! Hire someone who has waited their whole life for the chance to get in the game. You will recognize their hunger when you meet them; you can’t fake it. You can’t fake the experience of wondering if you will have enough money to pay the bills. You can’t fake the experience of losing everything, hitting rock bottom and then climbing your way out of the hole. You can’t fake the experience of working long hours on the weekend or on your vacation because you knew failure was not an option. You can’t fake the experience of foregoing vacations because the funds didn’t exist. You can’t fake the experience of spending years in and out of a hospital and dreaming of a day of no restraints. You can’t fake the experience of spending every waking hour proving everyone wrong…doing the unimaginable and doing it again and again.

Trust me, I’ve been there and wouldn’t trade the experience for anything in the world.

I’ve lost it all financially but I never lost it all emotionally or spiritually. I never questioned my desire to be successful… losing it all only made me hunger for it more. I bought an underperforming business 3 months before 9/11 and Delta and AirTran were our biggest clients. To keep the company afloat and meet payroll, I went without a paycheck for 6 months, working nights and weekends in the hardware dept at Home Depot after my 10 hour day. I will never forget my interview with the store manager. “I’m impressed someone with a MBA is willing to work for $10.50/hr.” “$12/hr and I can start tonight. My landlord doesn’t care about my degrees and I have no safety net.”

At the end of year 1, we doubled the company’s revenue and tripled revenue by the end of year 3. I eventually sold the company to a PE firm 9/12/2008 – talk about redemption. The education 9/11 provided exceeded my prized graduate program. No longer was I debating Harvard Case Studies. I was now making bets with my money and my family’s future. I learned first hand the value of GRIT, diversifying my client base and broadening my product offerings. I told my wife before we had 5 kids not to ever worry or lose faith in our plan. I assured her we “will always make it” even when everything is crumbling around us.

I didn’t just believe it, I KNEW IT.

I am extremely blessed to have been raised in a blue collar family – our first house cost $22,000. I learned first hand the value of hard work and success is reserved for those willing to do what others only talk about. I learned leadership starts with “doing” and not asking anyone to do a job if you’re not willing to do it first. I learned no job is beneath me and to always take pride in my job. I learned early to make many mistakes and be the first one to take ownership of them…don’t make excuses.  I learned someone who is hungry never forgets how to hunt.

If you climb the ladder of success and skip all the rungs in doing so, you have no clue what it takes to remain on top. So many take pride when they “made it” and take their foot off the gas. Not surprisingly, they don’t remain on top for long and look around asking “what happened, what did I do.” It’s easy, you didn’t do anything! I don’t care about getting “there”, I want to stay “there”. When you’re hungry and you’ve tasted success, you will do the hard work necessary to remain at the top. @TimGrover of #AttackAthletics summed it up great in “Relentless”.

About Shay

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.