The year of tough decisions. Take the beating now, 2 simple steps

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The year of tough decisions. Would you be willing to commit your year to making all the tough decisions in your life if you knew the following year could be a game changer? We all have hard decisions in life to make (leaving our job of 10 years to get promoted, selling our beloved home to move to a better school district, postpone vacations to pay off credit cards, lose 40 lbs. to be healthy again) but we usually postpone these year after year convincing ourselves that things will just work out. Guess what, they rarely do on their own. And if and when they do work out, it’s rarely the outcome we wanted. I have learned that if I just take my beating now, make the decisions no one wants to make but I know need to be made if I am to provide for my family, I will reap the benefits in the years to come. 2011 is my personal case study in how committing one year to making all the tough decisions weighing me down changed my life forever.

Like others, I look forward to every New Year with thoughts of prosperity and achieving new goals. Thoughts of changing the quality of life for my family and realizing a state of self-actualization. 2011 was no different.

Background so you can appreciate the difficulty of the 3 tough decisions.

We (my wife and 3 kids under 5) were living in downtown Atlanta in historic Grant Park. We had lived in this house for 10 years and were featured on the Grant Park Tour of homes several times. We had great neighbors and loved the urban lifestyle and walkability– neighborhood restaurants, Braves games, Zoo Atlanta and Grant Park. As the receccesion of 2008 materialized over 2009 and 2010, our neighborhood began to feel the impact with crime rising to an all-time high. Smash and grabs (kicking in a door to grab your flat screen TV) were a daily occurrence in broad daylight, 2 rapes and 1 fatal shooting, all within 1 mile of our house. In conjunction, I had sold my company to a private equity firm and was bound by a 3 year noncompete and had secured a new job in property and casualty insurance sales as a way to reinvent myself. Selling insurance was not on my list of careers I thought worthy of my MBA, but it offered a way to provide a good living for my family and I couldn’t help but think God had placed this opportunity in my life for a reason. A reason unknown to me but I had faith and have always believed the key to being successful is taking each day as it comes and committing to make the best of every situation. I knew something had to be done quickly about our living situation as I could never live with myself if anything happened to my family as a result of doing nothing. It was Christmas 2010, our house had been on the market for 9 months with no offers despite the $90,000 drop in sales price. Knowing what needed to be done, I dedicated 2011 as the “Year of Tough Decisions.” I was going to make every hard decision that was preventing me from achieving the life I wanted for me and my family.

Tough Decision #1: Move and move now

Knowing we had to move and move quickly, we didn’t have the luxury of waiting for our house to sell and buying another. We also didn’t have the means to buy a 2nd house and carry 2 house notes. The only option we had was to move our entire crew to live with my mother-in-law in Franklin, TN (suburb of Nashville – country music capital of the World). On paper it made sense. My mother-in-law had 4 empty bedrooms and had been widowed since early 2008. Living with her also gave us the option to short sell our house, eventually losing the $130,000 of equity and actually writing a check when all was said and done. Trust me, besides kissing $130,000 goodbye, living with your mother-in-law is not what a 36 year father of 3 wants and definitely not something he wants his friends to know about. Call it ego, but I take pride in providing for my family and take it personally if I can’t give them the basic necessities in life. As I discussed with my wife over several weeks, we agreed it was the right thing to do although it would be extremely hard; hard for everybody. We knew we’d be uprooting our kids from their friends, leaving our friends behind as well, and essentially trading in our urban living for the traditional suburban living we had loathed for the past 10 years. With ego in check, we loaded the moving van and moved to Franklin, TN. Oh, we were also pregnant with kid #4 too.

Tough Decision #2: Find a new job

Moving to Franklin greatly impacted my sales prospecting for Q1 of 2011, which I and my boss knew it would. I was splitting my time between Franklin and Atlanta. As part of agreement to continue my employment during the relocation, I agreed to drive to Atlanta every 2 weeks and spend 3 days in the market working my existing Atlanta pipeline. When in town, I would rotate staying on the couches of friends to avoid incurring any hotel expenses. I had rented a small office in Franklin and had quickly joined Rotary and various organizations to establish credibility in the community. 3 months into the business plan, my employer reduced my salary 35% despite the previous commitment to supporting the middle TN market building for the entire year. With kid #4 only 6 weeks away, this was devastating news but exactly what I needed. Although this was exactly the push I needed, it was not part of my plan. I had met some amazing people in Franklin but stayed loyal to my employer knowing they had supported me on the move. It was a leap of faith on their part and I wanted to be true to my commitment. With the big pay cut and providing for my family at risk, the gloves were off and I was hell bent to find a new job and never looking back.

I spent 6 months researching, prospecting and interviewing for a new job/career. I was careful not to jump ship for promise of a greener pasture without thoroughly doing my homework and knowing it was the right move. I told a few employers my income goal for year 3 and I couldn’t get the math in their business plan to support my goal so I kept looking (many questioned why I was not jumping at the chance to work with them). I not only found a new job; I found a new career and a new me. I was able to leverage my property and casualty experience into healthcare and secure a sales position with a technology company that focused on Workers’ Compensation (WC) reimbursements for Healthcare Providers. In short, they use their proprietary software to ensure hospitals are paid 100% of what insurance companies owe them for treating injured workers. Their focus on WC has been an industry game changer and I feel fortunate to have been part of that journey.

The joke in Nashville is there are only 2 types of jobs: music and healthcare. I couldn’t sing or play music so that left only healthcare. Never in a million years would I have dreamed selling insurance would prepare me for healthcare. But that’s the beauty of God’s plan. We don’t have the wisdom to see or even understand his plan but if we truly have faith, it will bring us riches beyond our dreams. With new career in hand, I meet my year 3 income goal by end of year 2 and exceed my old Year 3 goal by 38% by end of 2013. And now I ask myself, why I didn’t do this sooner.

Tough Decision #3: Find a good home for our Mastiff

We are big time animal lovers, often to our detriment. In college I had spent my summer savings to get my dog 3 root canals. Who even knew they did root canals for dogs. For my entire 40 years of existence on this planet, only 4 years have I not had a dog in my life. When my beloved German shepherd (Harley) was nearing his retirement, we were advised to get a new dog with the wisdom being it would help spark new life in Harley and help the new pup learn the rules. With crime ramping up in our neighborhood, we wanted another German shepherd so badly but knew we didn’t have the time these highly motivated dogs require. After counseling with others, we decided to get an English mastiff. We wanted a large dog to scare off potential intruders but also one that was great with kids. Being one that does his homework and takes no decision lightly, I found the perfect brindle English mastiff. The dog’s father was an astounding 260 lbs. and the breeder was reputable. A small fortune and last minute warnings issued, we were on our way to mastiff ownership. The dog (Tug), rather a small pony, was a dream and perfect for our kids. 6 months into his life he was diagnosed with a rare genetic leg deformity. Tug’s rear legs spiraled in, forcing him to walk like a duck and unable to jump, climb stairs or even run. We spent another small fortune taking him to an orthopedic surgeon only to learn there was no treatment. Not only was there no treatment, but he stressed repeatedly the kids could not hang on Tug and get him excited (watching him try to run was tear jerking). I called the breeder for her thoughts and she offered to take Tug back and give us another puppy in return (basically disclosing Tug would be put down if we returned him). Needless to say, that was not something we could live with. We spent the next 6 months doing our best to keep the kids off Tug and limiting his movements which became increasingly difficult as my wife’s pregnancy impacted her cat like reflexes. Committing myself to do what needed to be done and yet what no one wanted to do, I contacted the Mastiff Rescue Society and mapped out with them a plan to find Tug the perfect home – a home with no steps, no small children that would try to ride him like a pony (he was now 170 lbs.), and one that knew the full price of mastiff ownership (constant drool, 40 lbs. of dog food/week, etc…). With their help, we found a family that had recently lost their mastiff, had 3 teenage boys and lived in a 1-story ranch home.

With my wife and kids gone to see a movie, I arranged for Tug to move to his new home. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I was conflicted. On one hand, I knew it was best for Tug and would allow him to walk unassisted longer without the kids prematurely crippling him inadvertently through their roughhousing play. On the other hand, I knew my kids would be devastated and my wife and I would feel guilty, feel like we got rid of Tug because he was physically challenged even though that was the furthest thing from the truth. The more I thought about it and prayed for guidance, the more I resolved to doing the right thing and dealing with the consequences. Truth be known, had I made this decision when the surgeon first advised me of the dangers of Tug living with small children, things would have been so much easier. 6 months after I made the tough decision, the kids were completely self-absorbed with their new school and extracurricular activities. My wife was consumed with the care of Eskew #4 and I was committed to making my new career a big success.

As 2011 closed out, I had no regrets. Well, just one regret. I regret I didn’t make these tough decisions earlier and had waited until I was pushed into a corner. On reflection of my handling of these matters, it can be boiled down to:

  1. I committed to take action on every hard decision in my life and resolved to accept the consequences for those actions, for better or worse. The key was I took action and refused to let someone or something determine my future.
  2. I committed not to make excuses for not big successful and not to blame anyone else for my current situation. I was the one to blame in 2011 for my 35% pay cut. Had I done everything in my power to be successful, I could have impacted the conversation with my employer differently.

The decisions I made were not easy and brought much pain, anguish, guilt and even thoughts of 2nd guessing. I stayed the course and knew I couldn’t compromise my belief or resolve to do what needed to be done. We all know what needs to be done but most of us don’t have the belief in ourselves to make them. If we believe that failure is not an option and we will do whatever it takes to make the best of a bad situation, we will experience a life we never thought possible. Dare to make the tough decisions today!

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Pain is essential to growth! It only hurts when you stop

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Why do we go to great lengths to avoid pain when it often brings us our greatest accomplishments? I never won a sports championship without enduring years of pain, sweat and hard work.

Why do we teach our kids pain results from doing bad things? Hard work is painful and there’s a reason people become professionals in their sport/trade – they’re willing to do what others are not.

Why do our doctors automatically write us prescriptions when we complain of pain? We adapt to pain and pain is often our body’s adaptation process to handle larger workloads.

Why do we try to console those who complain of pain? Pain helps us appreciate joy even more. If you want to find the most appreciative people in the world look for those who have truly suffered.

I am a firm believer pain is my friend and with him comes opportunity. I believe that by seeking out those opportunities where pain is a guarantee (sales, Ironman, having 5 children), I am automatically positioning myself to succeed and weeding out those who are scared to test themselves. I believe that if I’m going to make an impression and try to be the best, utilize 100% of my talents, I have to put myself out there and accept uncertainty. One needs no more proof than to read Ernest Shackleton’s job post for his 1914 expedition to cross Antarctica, from Sea to Sea (see below). He had over 3,000 applicants and his journey is often celebrated as the greatest adventure of all time.

Make no mistake, his men endured unfathomable physical and mental pain, but not one of them died. I guarantee none of them would take back that experience if given the opportunity. Think about it, the things that we love and cherish the most required the hardest work and pain – sports victories, job promotion, marriage …. I don’t ever recall celebrating and bragging to others when an opportunity just fell in my lap as of no result of my efforts or another team forfeited. To the contrary, we all love telling the story of walking to school barefoot in the snow, up the hill both ways. Admit it, we all have benefited from past pain experiences and relish sharing those stories.

Pain as a prerequisite to opportunity

As someone who is no stranger to pain, I often seek out those opportunities and experiences where pain is a prerequisite. In one year I raced the World’s hardest Ironman, World’s Hardest Ironman 70.3 and World’s Hardest ITU Long Course triathlon. I’m not a masochist. I simply wanted to prove to myself that mentally and physically I had what it took to not only finish these events but also to be competitive and place in the top 10. Despite my best efforts, the best I did was 7th in the Ironman 70.3. In the Ironman, everything that could have went wrong did. I suffered migraine headaches the entire week leading up to race day. I lost over half my nutrition during the race and was urinating blood before I even started the World’s toughest Ironman marathon leg. Guess what? I ddidn’tquit and I finished. My marathon time was only 13 minutes off my normal pace (still sub 4hrs). I still celebrate this victory even though it was my slowest Ironman time ever. And the ITU Long Course event? On paper it was an utter failure. I finished 5th from last. But what my time doesn’t reflect is the fact I had to ride 35 miles on a flat tire and then run 6 miles bare foot (42 degrees outside) pushing my bike up the 3 biggest hills on the bike course. And after that, I still had to run 18.5 miles on the World’s toughest Long Course run leg. Maybe some would be disappointed to go from hopes of placing top 10 to finishing 5th from last. I was at peace (obviously a little disappointed that I didn’t have the race I wanted). But most importantly, I reaffirmed there was NO WAY I’d not finish a race. Surprisingly enough, that performance earned me a cover story in the USA Triathlon magazine. Who in their wildest dreams would have thought that? Definitely not the fans watching me run while pushing my bike and the one sole who was supposed to call my wife and tell her I’d be late but instead told her I was ‘done’ – quit and out of the race. Luckily she knew better.

I have found that the greatest obstacles provide the greatest rewards. I truly believe doing things others are scared to do for fear of failure will separate those comfortable with being ‘average’ from those who want to be ‘extraordinary’. Being normal isn’t bad, it’s just not what drives me. Being extraordinary means accepting there are no guarantees of success but failure is not an option – EVER! Failure only occurs when I give up and quit. Not hitting my goal is not a failure either. My goals are usually much higher than others and I understand they are just that – GOALS. If I hit my goals every month or every year, would they truly be GOALS or just EXPECTATIONS? The people we remember and celebrate are those that encountered obstacle after obstacle but refused to quit.

I take pride in John Wayne’s description of courage: “courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.” It’s ok to be scared. It’s ok to tell others you’re scared. If you weren’t scared I’d be concerned. With time and experience, you embrace being scared and channel that energy into action, achieving things you previously thought were unattainable. In life, as in business, there is a direct correlation between risk and reward. Those that are scared to get out of their comfort zone and risk uncertainty, will rarely experience all that life has to offer. Despite what some think, predictability is not always a desired outcome.

The interesting thing about pain is it only hurts when you stop. As long as you are in motion, you don’t feel it and your body just adapts. The brain has a crazy means of adapting to hardship to protect ourselves. Once we do hard things over and over, the brain convinces our bodies that this is the new ‘status quo’ and we forget how things used to be. If you want to have an impactful life, one that makes you feel complete and purposeful, seek out those things that will really test you. Don’t pick opportunities or sporting events where no effort is required. Pick those where you know it will take everything you got to get the job done and pain is a guarantee. With pain comes growth and with growth comes satisfaction.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Thank you Hershel Walker and Dale Murphy! How they gave me HOPE

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Thank you Hershel Walker and Dale Murphy. But also a special thank you to Jeff Van Note, William Andrews, Al Richardson, the 1982 Sugar Bowl Champion Georgia Bulldogs and the entire Atlanta Braves. All of these amazing athletes learned of my story through renowned sports caster Ernie Johnson Jr, who had just returned to Atlanta as a news reporter and ran a feature on me getting burned.

32 years later these guys probably have no clue how their simple act of sending me a signed autograph provided healing power. 1982 – I distinctly remember lying on my back for a month at the Shriner’s Hospital for Children, staring up at these autographs almost every waking minute (had a piece of Plexiglass suspended above me that displayed all my ‘get well soon’ cards). I loved sports like any 8 year old and dreamed one day of playing in the NFL, breaking tackles like Hershel Walker and William Andrews. I dreamed of chasing fly balls in the outfield like Dale Murphy, cracking home runs like Bob Horner or turning double plays like Glenn Hubbard.

The power of hope

Although I was confined to my bed due to my injury, (all the skin harvested from both legs to repair the severe burns to my upper body, unable to use my right arm or turn my neck) I remember thinking how lucky I was to have all these star athletes send me their autograph. That’s the joy of being a kid. We are easily distracted to believe in the power of positive thinking, to believe that anything is possible. I truly believed I could defy all odds and resume my athletic prowess. We so easily underestimate the power of HOPE, the power of giving a kid a reason to believe. Kids are moldable. Their shapeable minds can believe without quantifiable proof (cynicism comes with age). They believe in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Elf on the Shelf without proof of their existence. Imagine if we trained them all to believe they could overcome any obstacle they will ever encounter if they just focus on doing their best and refuse to believe in failure. Imagine if we taught them sacrifice and hard work produce results and that success doesn’t happen over night. Imagine if we taught them failure only occurs when you refuse to try again.

When I got out of the hospital, I immediately pinned each one of these autographs to my bulletin board on the wall next to my bed. These autographs staid affixed to that bulletin board until I left for college. Every day I would read these autographs and remind myself of my dream… to become a great athlete. It was a long road to recovery but we, parents included, focused on daily victories that would get me back in the game. 32 years later, I still look at these autographs to remind myself of where I was, where I am today and that anything is truly possible with hard work and the resolve to never quit.

Goal # 1: resume 3rd grade.

2 weeks after discharge I returned to school to finish the 3rd grade. We were told it would be 2 months before the open wounds would heal and returning to school was not recommended – physical and emotional reasons. Let’s be honest. Kids can be cruel, especially when you see a kid with jaw dropping scars and bandaged like a mummy. Luckily we never listen. My mom picked me up from school every day at lunch, wiped away my tears, took me home, gave me a whirlpool salt bath, bandaged all my open wounds, returned me to school to finish my day and assured me things would get better. I finished the third grade with all my peers – straight A’s. I don’t know how we did it, but we did. I guess that was the key. We never stopped to think how are we going to do it…we just did it. We knew that was our only choice…failure was not an option.

Goal #2: resume baseball.

2 months after discharge I returned to little league baseball. I couldn’t lift my right arm higher than 90 degrees, but I was able to throw the ball side armed. With an understanding coach, my dad of course, I played second base to minimize the throwing distance to ensure my throws could make it to 1st without a bounce. I didn’t make the All Star team, but I did play every game and never received any special accommodations. The same rules for everyone applied to me. That’s how I have always wanted to be treated…just like every other kid.

Goal #3: resume football:

7 months after discharge I returned to little league football. Football was always my favorite sport but a major risk because I had no nerves in my right shoulder, arm and top of my back. I still have no nerves everywhere I suffered 3rd degree burns. The fear was I could sustain a deep cut without ever feeling it and suffer major bleeding. I also couldn’t sweat on 1/3 of my body, making body temp regulation a challenge with all the equipment. Throwing caution to the wind, I suited up and took the field. My dad customized my shoulder pads to provide extra padding – I didn’t have any fat tissue on my right arm or shoulder. I never received one game ball but I never missed a game or a practice. I did the same drills as every other player and truly felt like part of the team.

Goal #4: excel at sports:

3 years after discharge I found God’s gift for me. I had lost the physical ability to be competitive in sports that required touch and finesse (i.e. golf, basketball, tennis). However, I found I had a pain threshold greater than normal kids and I knew God had a bigger plan for my life. By fate, I was introduced to wrestling, a sport where I could compete against other boys my age and my weight, a sport where pain was guaranteed. What I learned was the sport often rewarded not the best athlete, but the best competitor, the one who could go the hardest the longest. By the time I finished high school, I had set our school record for the most pins in a season and qualified as an All-American, finishing 2nd in state. Even greater, our wrestling team had won the State Championships all 4 years while I was in high school, 3 of which I had played a major part.

In short, athletes have special gifts that go beyond the playing field. When used properly, they have the gift to inspire and create hope. At the end of the day, HOPE is what powers us to achieve our dreams. HOPE is what allows us to ignore the naysayers and push through the pain. HOPE is what allows us to ignore conventional wisdom and redefine what’s possible. What we learn on the playing field carries over to our workplace and home. It is our duty in life to give others HOPE when they need it most. It doesn’t cost a penny, just a little of your time.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Three Golden Ironman secrets that increased my income and made me a better father

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Ironman, a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile marathon, all completed within 17 hours… and brag rights for the rest of your life. Seems unfathomable to most and a distinction less than 1% of the population can boast. The sport attracts all walks of life, from former collegiate greats to military elitists to America’s Biggest Loser to triple amputees, all bound by the same rules and cutoff times. Every racer has a story; some to overcome a life changing event, others to continue their lifetime fitness and some to simple prove ‘anything is possible.’

The 3 Golden Principles

Any Ironman finisher will agree; master the sport and you will master the game of life. As someone who went from a recreational boot camp fitness class to a 4x Ironman and Ironman World Championship finisher in 4 years, along with being a father of 5 under 8, I can safely say anyone can master the 3 golden principles that have changed my life forever.

  1. Train your brain. Focus on positive things that yield long term success.
  2. Shape your reality. Concentrate on what you can gain as opposed to what you’ve lost.
  3. Do the daily things. Be diligent in doing the small things that will help achieve your goals.

Train your brain.

The brain is the most powerful tool available to us yet it didn’t come with instructions. Sadly, no one teaches us how to fully use all the potential of our brain; they just teach us how to do tasks that require cognitive skill building. Most of us realize our brain determines what we can achieve in life, physically and emotionally, but we have no clue how to train our brain to achieve. We simply believe the emotions and limitations we experience are barriers that can’t be controlled – they’re genetic. Most limitations can be overcome simply by reprogramming your brain, more specifically your RAS, reticular activating system. It’s a powerful portion of your brain that also controls sleep, walking, sex, eating, and consciousness. But more importantly, it also filters out things that it believes are dangerous (such as loud noises). In short, RAS brings you more of what you want as opposed to what you don’t want. For example, when you bought a new car how many of those cars did you see on your way home or on the way to work the next week? Those cars didn’t suddenly appear on the streets. They’ve been there all along and now that you have a personal connection with that car, your brain brings you every image of those cars (removes the filters). Your brain processes millions of images per minute and filters out the ones that don’t have special meaning to you. As you begin to identify or learn about factors that impact success, the brain removes more of those success enhancing filters and allows you to seize opportunities that otherwise would have went unnoticed.

How do I use RAS to achieve success? I focus only on positive things, things that will bring me success. I read nothing but stories of rags to riches, books on adversity – Ernest Shackleton is by far my favorite. I refuse to watch depressing movies – Cinderalla Man a great example of picking yourself up when everything around you is crumbling. I know suffering exists in the world and I don’t need to watch movies to be reminded. I firmly believe that watching and reading story after story on beating the odds, I have programmed my brain (RAS) that any situation can be overcome. My brain now has a repository of success stories that it can draw from when, not if, I find myself in such a situation.

Shape your reality.

Life isn’t fair and often times the cards we are dealt in life are less than ideal. When we look at others, it’s easy to see that others appear to have it made. Trust me, we all have challenges, just some are more obvious than others. Mine was being severely burned at 8. I dealt with kids calling me Freddie Krueger and was even convinced I looked like the dreaded monster. No matter how many times my parents kept telling me “it will get better” the scars were a constant reminder that better wouldn’t mean “back to normal.” After years of dealing with my disfiguration, I finally embraced my scars and said I would use that experience to become a great athlete. I realized that although I had lost the gift of touch and grace due to the physical range of motion limitations, I had gained a tremendous pain threshold and a desire to prove everyone wrong. With my new reality, I realized sports that required an all-out mano e mano effort, last man standing, would be the perfect sport. I excelled at wrestling, All-American in high school, undefeated boxer in college and now 2x All-American triathlete and 4x member of Team USA. I am definitely not a great athlete but I am a great competitor. I am willing to do the hard work that most don’t have to do because of pure talent. Doing the hard work has provided me the mental fortitude to know and believe that I will never give up. I am willing to endure pain if it will produce long term success. I understand that success doesn’t happen overnight but rather it is a culmination of doing the right things day in and day out.

How did I shape my reality? I accepted my scars and even thought of them as badges of honor. If you know the story of Freddie Krueger, you’ll appreciate my adaptation. When kids would reply, “you look like Freddie,” I in turn would reply “why yes I do, and I will see you in your dreams tonight.” When I wrestled, I made sure my competitor saw my scars. I wanted them to think “look at that guy, what the heck happened to him. If he has all those scars, he must not be scared of pain.” In short, I used my deformities to my advantage. Rightfully so, I assumed I must have been given these scars for a reason so I better make the best of them. As soon as I quit focusing on losing my right ear and all the scars and started focusing on a recovery plan, my life changed. I was no longer confused. My life had clarity and I had a sense of direction and belongingness. It was a choice I made and one we all can make.

Do the daily things.

Ironman or life dreams in general seem insurmountable when contemplated in whole. However, if you think about Ironman as a series of weekly progressions, it’s more than doable. Step 1 involved getting a plan, a daily plan that mapped out every workout from day 1 until race day. The same is true with life. If you have a specific goal in mind, you need a daily action plan that if executed, would help you be successful. To quote my buddy Zig Zigler, “you don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” His common analogy is taking a vacation. We all have a destination in mind when we pack the car and leave for vacation. We all know that in order to reach our destination and enjoy our trip we have to pack accordingly and take the specific roads that lead to our vacation destination. Taking a vacation required an entire series of actions that started from picking a specific date to picking a destination and reserving lodging to saving the money to pay for the trip to requesting time off from work to eventually packing the car and hitting the highway. Success, and finishing an Ironman, doesn’t just happen by itself. It starts with having an action plan and then executing the daily things.

How did I do the daily things? First thing I did was buy the book ‘Be Iron Fit’ by Don Fink. The book mapped out a 30 week program that if followed precisely, guaranteed a competitive finish. I didn’t fast forward to week 28 and look at the workout; I looked only at week 1 day 1. I asked myself, “can I run 15 minutes and bike 30 minutes?” Sure I could. After completing day 1, I turned my attention to day 2 and asked myself “can I run 20 minutes and bike 40 minutes?” Sure I could. Guess what? 30 weeks later, by simply doing the daily things, I was in Ironman shape. I not only finished the Ironman but I finished my first Ironman in the top 20% of finishers. Not bad for someone who 30 weeks prior wasn’t even running.

The result?

These 3 simple steps enabled me to become the father I always wanted to be. As a father, I want to influence and shape my kids into responsible and happy adults though I secretly pray they stay this age forever. I realized that in order for me to be a successful father and install attributes they will need later in life, I have to spend quality time with my kids. Like my training, it’s about quality over quantity. Watching TV with them is nice but teaching them how to ride a bicycle, baking cookies for firemen or delivering Christmas baskets to the needy is more impactful. Every year I map out specific goals I want to achieve as a father, specific to each kid, and commit my energies towards those.

In conjunction with being a great father, I also have to provide for my 5 kids which required me to be successful in my career. When I made the commitment to being an Ironman in 2009, I made the same commitment in my career. I wanted to be successful and mapped out what it would take to make it happen. It was a big decision as it required me to change industries. With my MBA, I had believed that I was destined for a life in finance or operations. After evaluating the market conditions in 2008 and my skill sets, I realized I could create my own destiny in sales and shape my new reality. 5 years later, I’m enjoying the success I had envisioned and I still love going to work every day. I have the satisfaction of knowing I’m doing what it takes to provide for my family and being the father I need to be.

Evaluate where you are in life, where you want to be and consider these 3 secrets to see how you can apply them daily. Through Ironman, I have learned the value of goal setting and time management, the secret to all success. I try to focus my efforts on achieving what I want as opposed to what I don’t want. Mapping out what you want will help you identify wasted efforts. Knowing each day you’re working towards achieving your life dreams will bring a sense of accomplishment you never knew existed.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

$2 Million hospital bill, and no insurance. How the Shriners gave us HOPE

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It’s hard to imagine being hospitalized with over $2 Million in expected medical bills and no insurance. That was our situation, August 4, 1982. Burned children with no insurance, is a trauma center’s worst nightmare. Like most 8 year olds, I was completely unaware my dad’s employer no longer offered insurance on dependents or that we had not secured a replacement insurance policy. My friend Jeff who was burned with me, only 7 years old, was in a similar predicament. Like so many families struggling to make ends meet, our situation was not uncommon in our neighborhood. We were your typical hard working, blue collar family who lived pay check to pay check, with my dad working 70-80 hr weeks just to pay the bills. In addition to the overwhelming financial burden of pending medical bills, our parents were also struggling to come to terms with the harsh reality that their precious children just suffered a severe trauma that would require a lifetime of treatments and healing. I still remember my mom recounting how she truly believed they would just bandage me up and send us on our way, completely naïve to the severity of our injury.

Unexpected generosity

The first week we were hospitalized at Grady Memorial Hospital, Atlanta’s public safety net hospital. They have the distinction of getting all the cases other hospitals don’t want to touch… i.e. burn trauma patients, much less uninsured burn trauma patients. Our financial responsibility totaled $8,000 for the first week, about $7,999 more than we had in savings. Luckily my grandparents loaned us the money to cover the expenses for the 1st week but we still had no idea of how the cover the upcoming $2 Million. Through multiple media outlets, the Yaarab Shriners in Atlanta learned of our situation and approached us with a lifesaving offer… transfer Jeff and I to their world renowned pediatric burn center at the Shriners Hospital for Children in Cincinnati, Ohio. Furthermore, guaranteeing our recovery.

Their commitment included the treatment of our burn injuries until we reached the age of 21, inclusive of all reconstructive surgeries, rehabilitation therapy and temporary relocation housing for my mother, with no expense to us whatsoever. Talk about a miracle. How could we ever repay their generosity? Until then, we had always seen the Shriners at street corners fundraising or at parades driving around in their funny little go-carts with no comprehension of the impact they had made on the lives of millions of kids. I still remember like it was yesterday my first plane ride being on a private jet the Shriners arranged to transport me from Grady to their hospital in Cincinnati (unfortunately I didn’t get to see much of the view since I was strapped to a gurney but it was still pretty cool in the eyes of an 8 year old). Like our guardian angels, they worked behind the scenes with no need for public adoration. My parents and I are convinced they were the serving hands of God in the flesh.

Hope and a future

Outside of their medical generosity, they provided the greatest healing treatment of all – HOPE. They assured us life would go on and I would resume life, although different and more challenging than most 8 year olds. They administered tough love daily but in proper doses. They made us aware that my scars would not go away; that I would have to adjust and adapt to the “new me.” Secretly I hoped they were wrong and my scars would just magically disappear one day, but their advisements came to fruition.

One obstacle, though small in comparison in the grand scheme of things, was the task of staying on track with my 3rd grade peers. I missed the first 6 weeks of the 3rd grade and was physically unable to use my right hand, my writing hand, which seemed to be an insurmountable challenge. The Shriners immediately worked with me to use my left arm instead, teaching me how to feed myself, brush my teeth, throw a ball and even write left handed. Surprisingly, with the help of a tutor provided by the hospital and my school assignments hand delivered weekly by my dad commuting from Atlanta, I was able to stay on track with my 3rd grade peers and maintained my straight “A” record – handwriting was a little off but they cut me some slack.

What most don’t realize is my medical treatment didn’t end when I was discharged from the hospital after 10 weeks. Due to the severe thickening and contracture of my scars, I was fitted with custom compression suits that went from my ankles to my neck to my wrists. I wore the compression suits 22hrs a day for 3 years, only taking them off to shower. I had 3 of these suits and was refitted every 3 months as the suits lost their compression with the extensive use. In addition, I was also fitted with custom orthotic braces on my chest, neck and face. Like the compression suits, these braces applied pressure to my burns to minimize scarring and increase my range of motion. I was told the braces were $500 a piece and the suits $150 a piece (in 1982 dollars mind you) and paid 100% by the Shriners. The evolution, sometimes worsening nature of my scars, required me to see their surgeons every month for the 1st 6 months, every 3 months for 2 years, and then every 6 months for the next 5 years.

From 1982 to 1995, the Shriners covered 100% of all 30 of my surgeries, never asking us for a penny or my current health insurance provider. We are forever indebted to them and proudly donate every time we see them standing at an intersection with their buckets wearing their funny little Fez hats. One of the greatest affirmations of the miracles of the Shriners work was when I was selected to compete in the Ironman World Championships in 2012 and featured during the televised NBC broadcast. Who in 1982 would have believed 30 years later I’d be racing in the World’s toughest one day endurance event, Kona, Ironman World Championships. The Shriners were instrumental in giving us HOPE and teaching me getting burned was no excuse for not being successful in life. Thank you Shriners for all you do!

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Thanksgiving! 35 surgeries and 32 years later, why I’m so thankful

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Picking my kids up from school this week I noticed the mosaics of construction paper Thanksgiving turkeys with handwritten messages “I’m thankful for…” written on them. One in particular said he was “thankful for hedgehogs”. This grade school exercise is undertaken yearly to teach our children the importance of being thankful, but how many of us adults take the time to reflect on our blessings? We say thank you to co-workers and spouses, but how many of us are truly thankful and take the time to really let those around us know we appreciate them.

What are you thankful for?

I’d like to ask for you to post what you’re thankful for this year. I’ll get it started by saying, I’m most thankful for a beautiful and loving wife, 5 energetic and healthy children, a family that stands beside me in the direst of straits, and a job that has provided all the necessities for my growing family. I am also thankful for my faith, a faith that has shown me what life is really about and teaches my success in life is measured not in money or promotions, but by the impact I have on the lives of others. I am extremely thankful I learned at the age of 8, that life is what we make of it, for better or worse, and no one is to blame but yourself for lack of success.

Over the past 32 years, I’ve underwent 35 surgeries, spent 3 years wearing pressure fitting garments and plastic braces, had to learn how to walk again due to being bedridden for a month, underwent hundreds of hours of rehab and took over 3 years to lift my right arm over my head, and still can’t turn my head to the left without losing hearing in my right ear and the corner of my right eye and mouth pulling severely. This was just the physical side of it. The mental pain was much worse but it more than anything helped mold me into the person I am today. At the age of 8, I experienced the earth shattering news of a doctor telling me I’d never play sports again. At the age of 18, I experienced several college fraternities telling me I wouldn’t get a bid because of my burn scars. From age 8 to 25, I experienced never having a serious girlfriend, believing marriage and having children were a fairy tale. I have had the good fortune to experience absolute hell and as a result, I know what Heaven is and spend every waking moment in pursuit of a more fulfilling life. Believe it or not, I wouldn’t trade any of those experiences. I actually feel sorry for others because they haven’t experienced what it’s like to think you’re the Biblical Job, to think your sole existence was to prove faith and a positive outlook on life conquers all. Like Job, my original blessings have been doubled and my health restored.

During all those years in the hospital I don’t ever recall feeling sorry for myself. I recall feeling angry and confused, but more frustrated than anything as I couldn’t do many things I used to do so easily. As I focused on my recovery, I realized progression would only be achieved by focusing on what I had gained in life as opposed to what I had lost. Any time I had doubts, I looked around the hospital and saw so many children burned far worse than me laughing and going about their life as if nothing was wrong. I refused to believe my life would be dictated by being a burn survivor and was willing to accept that some things would never be the same. However, never being the same didn’t mean it couldn’t be better!

It is easy for us to complain given the complexity and stresses of today’s world. In these times, I encourage you to reflect on your blessings and only entertain positive thoughts. We all have struggles, but you have the ability to overcome and achieve the greatest version of yourself.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Life’s not fair, how having my ear amputated at 8 helped me

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Ears. Funny looking structures that much like snowflakes, no two are alike, even your own. Although they don’t seem like a big deal, it’s a major deal when you don’t have one. Without them, the daily things take on a whole new challenge – wearing glasses or listening to headphones (pre earbuds), your baseball cap being straight on your head or simple things such as your sideburns matching when you get a haircut. As strange as ears are, they give us symmetry and keep us balanced. More importantly, they give others the perception we’re ‘normal’. Without them, people think something is wrong with you. You’re broken.

Losing an ear

I lost my right ear when I was 8, having been accidentally set afire by a neighbor’s kid. It was 1982 and burn trauma care was still somewhat barbaric or shall we say ‘in the learning phase.’ My ear was severely burned and infected, gangrene had set in and was spreading. Initially doctors thought they could contain the infection by snipping off the end of my ear with a pair of surgical scissors, piece by piece, day by day. If this sounds bad, it was even worse. The doctors would actually snip off the corners of my ear with no pain medication or numbing agent, assuring me it was dead tissue and it wouldn’t hurt much. I always wondered what was their basis for “much”. Had they actually had part of their ear cut off while they were awake? They would snip my infected ear until they reached good tissue with a healthy blood supply. 32 years later I can’t recall the pain, but I do recall screaming uncontrollably. As a protective mechanism, I think our brain blocks out these memories. Eventually the time came to remove the entire ear for fear the infection would spread to my head. I can’t imagine what my mother had to go through when the doctors gave her the choice of telling me the bad news or letting them. How do you tell your only child, your baby, whose body was swollen beyond recognition and bandaged from head to toe, completely unable to move his right arm or neck, that he will now lose his right ear? I can’t imagine what was going through her head but I know God miraculously gave her the strength and courage that was needed for the situation.

I’ll never forget that day although some things are clearer than others. I remember laying in my bed, confined to it for over a month, and greeted by my parents as part of the daily visitation ritual. Visitation was limited to 2 hour periods, 3 times a day, with all visitors required to wear protective gowns and face masks. No matter how many times they told me, as an 8yr old I could never understand why I could never see my parents’ faces or why I could only see them in 2hr intervals. When visitation ended every night at 7pm, I longed all night for morning and prayed it came quickly, often crying myself to sleep with no one there to comfort me. To make matters worse, due to the severity of my burns and the fact we had no insurance, my mother and I had been relocated from our home in Atlanta to the Shriner’s burn hospital in Cincinnati. My father remained in Atlanta, our sole source of income, making the 16hr round trip commute every weekend to see me. As you can imagine, these were extraordinary times that you’d never wish on your worst enemy. On this particular Saturday morning, mom breaks the monotony of our conversation and says “Shay, look at your dad. See those big, goofy ears. You are so lucky because you are only going to have one of those, not two.” Her attempt at humor softened the blow and I know inside she was fighting back the tears, struggling for the courage to assure me all would be ok – truthfully she didn’t know. She was a rock and knew she had to demonstrate this was not the end of the world. Losing an ear was nothing compared to the kids surrounding me that had lost a hand, an arm, a leg and one had even lost his fingers, toes, nose, ears and even his eyelids. I knew all things considered I was ‘lucky,’ but as the news sank in, all I could do was cry. This marked the last day I would have 2 ears.

The one eared burn guy

For the next 27 years, I would be known as the 1 eared burn guy or passionately by one coach as the 1 eared bandit. Right or wrong, it was reality and I embraced it. What other choice did I have? Surprisingly, having just one ear wouldn’t seem like a big deal in comparison to the scars covering 65% of my body but it seemed to be the one thing people noticed right away. Complete strangers would often say “hey, what happened to your ear.” Kids, curious and naïvely, would almost daily say “where’d your ear go.” Looking back, it’s crazy to think on any given day some stranger would ask where my ear was. Not “hello” or “how are you doing”, but “what happened to your ear.” Feeling much like Groundhog Day with these unsolicited questions, I decided to make the most of a bad situation and have some fun with this experience. I figured if complete strangers have no qualms asking me personal questions, then surely it’s acceptable for me to embellish and test my imagination with stories to rival Greek mythology.

One incident in particular will go down as one of my all-time greats. I was a teenager and was swimming at the Horseshoe Bend neighborhood swimming pool, a popular summer day destination for all my school friends. As I was waiting my turn to test my aerial skills on the diving board, a kid, probably 8 or 9, comes up to me and asks “where is your ear.” I played dumb and said, “what do you mean. It’s right here” and pointed to my ears or at least where they should be. Troubled, the kid says “you’re missing a right ear, where is it?” and literally points to my little nub of an ear. Feigning a puzzled look and reaching up to where my right ear should be, I said “oh my gosh, it’s gone. I hit my head on the diving board trying a gainer flip and thought nothing of it.” I immediately ran over to the diving area, pretending to scan the pool bottom for my ear. Excited by the challenge, the kid recruits 4 of his buds and they jump into the deep end and start looking for my ear. Almost immediately one of the kids surfaces and says “hey, I found your ear. It’s on the drain but I can’t swim down that far.” One by one the kids would swim down about 5-6 feet and suddenly emerge to the surface out of breath and unable to retrieve what appeared to be my ear on the drain. Fearful the kids would continue diving until sheer exhaustion, I told them I’d get the pool sweeper and retrieve it from the drain at the end of the day. Surprisingly enough, everyone seemed ok with this solution and went back to their pool activities.

Make the most of it

Over the years I have adapted my story and infused lots of creativity. According to urban myth: I’ve been attacked by a shark in 3 feet of water while retrieving sand dollars, I was the only survivor of a plane crash in the pacific, I was nearly decapitated by a barbed wire fence while riding my motorcycle, I was attacked by piranhas while boating the Amazon, and the list goes on. Sadly but still funny, people never knew if I was telling the truth or just making it up. I know some were believers because they refused to go into the ocean for the remainder of the day.

Those 27 years taught me a great deal about life. Most importantly, life’s not fair nor will it ever be. I learned life can be harsh but to make the most out of it and remember someone always has it worse. I learned complaining gets you nowhere and no one enjoys being around a complainer. As the saying goes, if someone gives you lemons, make lemonade. That’s the way I approached it. I couldn’t help having just one ear and I learned quickly others would never let me forget it. But I also learned how I adapted to my deformity greatly shaped others perception. Once I embraced it, truly accepting it as a part of me that I couldn’t change, I learned others rarely noticed it or if they did, they quickly forgot. If you ever think about it, we’re all pretty dang lucky.

PS… coming soon – stories of my chocolate ear and the joys of having a prosthetic.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Trapping bears. “Do what you love.” How College Grads are screwing up!

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“Do what you love!” Famous words every parent parts to their kids as they pontificate an illustrious career. What great advice, enjoy what you do and get paid at the same time. Taking my parent’s advice literal, I got an undergraduate degree in Wildlife and Fisheries Science – with honors I might add. Think about it, who doesn’t love being in the outdoors and working with animals.

Trapping Bears

Growing up, I loved watching “The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams” and could easily see myself wandering the mountains with gentle Ben. With that in mind, I took the next step and pursed graduate research work trapping Black Bears (Ursus Americanus) for the lofty sum of $75/week – mobile home and all utilities included. Utilities were somewhat misleading since all we had was water and basic power (no tv, no telephone, and no air conditioning). Our research was used to assess the overall health of the black bear population. We were also collecting their blood as part of a 20yr research effort to determine how bears could hibernate for 3 months without suffering any muscle atrophy, able to run 35mph shortly after emerging from their den. In contrast, humans suffer muscle atrophy shortly after being bed ridden.

The research required 14 days in the woods (Great Smoky Mountains National Park) with 4 days off. Interestingly, we usually spent the 4 off days replenishing supplies and treating ourselves to movies and fast food – luxuries of life. Our days started promptly at 5am and we were on the trails by 6am to check our traps, rain or shine. One of our trails required wading through a river chest deep with our packs and shoes above our heads; made for a chilly start to a 12-14hr day. We even worked during lightning storms for fear a bear could be in one of our traps. The health of the bears was always of 1st priority and supposedly the reason why we used a 3ft aluminum pole with a syringe mounted to the end to sedate the trapped bears as opposed to a tranquilizer gun. The PhD student leading the research said tranquiller guns left large hematomas due to the amount of force and drug required to sedate a 400-500lb bear. Instead, we utilized a leg snare trap with a 5 foot lead that was secured to a large tree, allowing the bear to run around the tree in all directions. In essence, we’d show up to our traps every day and hope to be greeted by a 400lb bear caught by one leg, severely upset with being caught to say the least. Now think through this with me. Let’s do some simple math. We had to get within 3 feet of an angry trapped bear to sedate him. The bear was secured by a 5 foot lead with another 2-3 feet of reach. I’m not a math expert, but it seemed the numbers were in the bears favor. Oh, I forgot to mention, the drug took 10-15 minutes to take effect. Being 22 and eager to assume my Grizzly Adams persona, I just said “ok, makes sense to me.” Can’t remember what kind of liability waivers I signed but I’m sure I signed my life away.

Needless to say I did this for 6 months, including a 3 month stint in the Okefenokee Swamp. Believe it or not, swamps have bears as well as alligators and poisonous snakes. Having caught over 150 bears, all I could keep thinking was how do you put a price on this experience. How many people could say they trapped bears for a living? I had unfathomable experiences: saw 2 bears fighting, bluff charged by a bear in a full sprint (luckily I didn’t play dead), mother bear circling me as I held her sedated cub in my arms (never a good thing), and near death encounter with one trapped bear that grabbed my left arm with her claws (I got a little too close but luckily emerged with only claw marks on my arm). I also got to climb inside a 30×30 enclosure with a red wolf as part of the red wolf reintroduction efforts in the Smokies. Now is not a good time to debate my judgment or lack thereof. Despite 6 months of seeing what 99.9% of the world will never see, I came to the realization that I really enjoyed what I was doing but it was not going to pay my bills or provide the lifestyle I wanted – did I mention living in the woods is not conducive for a single man? This is not a proper forum for repeating what I was told about living in the woods with minimal human interaction.

A hobby or a career

Needless to say, living in the woods provides a lot of time for reflection and soul searching. You ponder everything from who was your girlfriend in kindergarten to graduation. During this time, I came to realize what my parents should have said is “Do what you love and will pay your bills.” I realized I had committed a major mistake of so many well intentioned college grads. I had confused a hobby with a career. The 2 are different and mistaking one for the other has a great impact on your well-being. As much as I enjoyed being in the great outdoors with wild animals, I realized that it took on a whole new meaning when it was ‘my job.’ In my spare time, the 4 days off, I no longer got the sense of freedom and exhilaration from just being in the outdoors. Instead of hiking through the woods during my down time, I now craved the basic necessities of civilization; watching a movie, eating a good meal or just driving around.

Immediately after the research project ended, I returned home with a new resolve to pursue a profitable career that could provide for the lifestyle and family I so badly wanted. Within a week of being home, I completed and next day aired my MBA application to the University of Tennessee as well as took the GMAT, admittedly with no benefit of months of preparation. By a sheer miracle, I received a high enough GMAT score, coupled with a good undergraduate GPA, to gain acceptance to the MBA program with only 6 months of bear trapping as my applicable work experience. I spent the next 2 years surrounded by some extremely talented people and quickly molded myself into a full-fledged business entrepreneur.

Fast forward 14 years and hard to believe my current status given my less than humble start as a bear trapper at $75/week. I’ve had unbelievable exposure to extremely successful people and those experiences have shaped me immensely. Although my journey has been less than a straight path, I now have a greater passion for my hobbies and a greater appreciation for my career. As the saying goes, I work hard and play even harder. I am a big fan of life experiences over short term income and believe experiences are what differentiates us from others. I also believe we should never be scared to take risk if we truly believe something is a life changing opportunity – always look at the bigger picture. For instance, at the ripe age of 30, I took a job working for an extremely successful man for $0 for 3 months, paying for all my expense. That ‘free education’ is still paying dividends. Trust me, do your kids a favor and tell them, “Do what you love and make sure it will pay your bills.”

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

A dying Marine showed me how to live

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65 years old, stage 4 pancreatic cancer and this Marine had no regrets nor any bitterness about the cards he had been dealt. Faithful husband, father of 2 grown kids, man of God and he impacted thousands of people with his passion for life. Meet Henry Forrest, one of the original 12 Ironman finishers from 1978 who introduced me to a world with no limits… anything is possible!

I never back down from a challenge

I’ll never forget meeting Henry in November of 2007. I worked in a high-rise in downtown Atlanta and utilized my lunch break to enhance my physique – work on the “gun show” as I used to say. I would throw around heavy weights all in an attempt to increase my chest and biceps, ensuring my manliness was intact. Well… that all came in question when Henry, then 64, approached me in the locker room. He said, “hey tough guy, why don’t you join me and some ladies for my boot camp class.” Intrigued and thinking to myself, does this old timer know who he’s talking to? He obviously didn’t know how much I benched or squatted. I asked, “so what’s involved in this little boot camp class.” Henry responded, “it’s pretty simple, basically all the exercises you did in grade school, pushups, sit-ups, squat thrusts, mountain climbers, nothing too crazy. Shouldn’t be anything for a guy like you with all your muscles.” Really, this 64yr old had to throw that in there? I should have seen the bait but I never back down from a challenge. So I took Henry up on his challenge and walked over to his boot camp class.

He didn’t lie. It was all women, and Henry obviously had no problem wearing spandex and a t-shirt as his standard instructor garb. For reference, Henry still sported a Marine haircut, barrel chested and didn’t look the look of a typical 64 year old man. Class started easy and progressively got worse. In 20 minutes I was in tears and physically unable to complete some of the “core exercises.” I suffered through another 20 minutes until it came time for pushups. I drew a sigh of relief and thought to myself, I’m going to show this old-timer who he’s messing with. No sooner than we started, Henry drops down beside me and starts cranking out set after set of pushups. I couldn’t keep up. He absolutely crushed me and there was nothing I could do. To add insult to injury, he then shouted in my face “pony tail’s are kicking your butt, you better pick it up boy.” All I could muster in response was “yes sir.”

I went home and told my wife the story and committed to her that I’d work myself back into fighting shape. My ego was crushed by a man 30 years older than me. Shortly thereafter I realized he was a retired Marine drill sergeant, one of the original Ironmen from 1978 and still an active triathlete who had recently completed an Ironman. This was no ordinary 64 year old. I started attending his classes 3 days a week for the next 3 months and was back in shape worthy of a new wardrobe. However, during this period Henry became diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and was given 3 months to live. Everyone was devastated but Henry didn’t quit. He made it a year, survived the ‘whipple procedure’ only for it to strike again with a vengeance. How could a man this fit and this full of life have such a deadly disease?

Unfairness in life

He and I became good friends shortly after the initial diagnosis and we shared experiences that had shaped our lives – me being burned as a child and him getting cancer. We talked about the “unfairness” in life and how our reaction to adversity determined the men we had become. We took comfort in each other’s story knowing God had bigger plans for us and it’s not up to us to judge how things appeared. We agreed that we had enjoyed so many blessings how we could we possibly complain. He recounted stories of his military career and how easily it could have been him killed on the battlefield like so many of his friends – one story still imprinted in my head of a friend who accidentally knocked Henry back into the foxhole only to be shot seconds later. He told me of other stories that reinforced just how precious life is and how we should cherish every minute and never take God’s gifts for granted. True to form, Henry continued teaching the boot camp class up until the last weeks of his life, never scared to yell, “don’t you feel sorry for this old man, get your double wides moving.” He was living proof that life can get better with time and our purpose in life should be centered on helping others realize their dreams.

Right before Henry passed, a group of 7 of us fellow boot campers committed to Henry that we would race the next biggest triathlon in his honor, regardless of the distance. That race happened to be a half Ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike and 13.1 mile run). We all spent the next 4 months training our butts off knowing Henry was watching and we couldn’t let him down. It’s amazing how enjoyable the training became, invigorating. It revealed a life where goal setting took on a whole new meaning. We learned the value of focusing on the daily things and never losing sight of our goal. I never would have imagined doing one of these races had it not been for Henry.

Team Henry

Race day came and went. We sported “Team Henry” shirts and know Henry would have been proud. Surprisingly enough, a week after the race our group of 7 gathered to celebrate and tell Henry stories when someone tossed out the idea of doing the Ironman. Long story short, I left the party that night with a registration form to race Ironman Florida just 5 months later. Call it a miracle or an act of God, I raced Ironman Florida on the 1yr anniversary of Henry’s passing. How crazy is that? It was completely unplanned and I had not even pondered the date until I ran into Henry’s daughter the night before the race. I’ll never forget her comment, “daddy will be watching, and he’ll be smiling.”

Six years and 3 kids later (5 total) I am still racing and doing things I never thought possible. I truly believe Henry was placed in my life for a reason and I’m so thankful my heart and my ego were open to his message. His words of wisdom have carried beyond triathlons and into my career. This day reminds me of all those who have selflessly given of themselves so that the rest of us can enjoy our freedoms and pursue our goals. I could never repay all those who have served and hope they know my family is eternally grateful.

In the words of Henry Forrest: “The hotter the heat, the stronger the steel.”

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Are we too old to pursue dreams? The Iron Nun says NO!

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Are we too old to pursue dreams? The Iron Nun begs to differ. You don’t know the infamous Iron Nun? Sister Madonna Buder is an 83-year old Ironman triathlete who holds the distinction as being the oldest woman to complete an Ironman – a 2.4 mile open water swim with 2,000 of your closest friends, followed by a nondrafting 112 mile bike ride with a 26.2 mile marathon to finish it off, all within 17 hours. Sister Madonna started competing in Ironman at the ripe age of 55, an age when many are considering retirement options and dreaming of playing multiple rounds of golf during the work week. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Sister Madonna at multiple triathlon races; her personality and spirit just radiate life. I’ll never forget her comment at the prerace dinner at the 2012 Ironman World Championships when asked why she was still racing. “I couldn’t let the men go unchecked (referring to Lew Hollander, 82 year old male racing). Someone had to represent the women.” Can you imagine your grandmother talking trash? That was AWESOME! I want to be competitive like Sister Madonna when I get that age. How many 83 year old people would be happy just to walk around the mall, much less complete one of the hardest one day endurance events in the World?

Pursuing our dreams

As kids, we all had dreams and everyone encouraged us to pursue them. I wanted to be a professional athlete and play for the Steelers – loved Mean Joe Greene. We were asked constantly “What do you want be when you grow up? What are your dreams?” Many of us had posters in our rooms that said “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them – Walt Disney.” If pursuing dreams were so important as a kid why do we suddenly abandon those pursuits when we graduate college, get married or have children? Who said achieving those milestones and pursuing your dreams are mutually exclusive? Why can’t we have our cake and eat it too? I believe we can if we have the dedication to commit and the perseverance to make it happen. We should pursue our dreams even if we will never hit them.

It is the pursuit that motivates us, gives us the energy and zest to welcome the challenges of each day.

We all know paychecks don’t always make us happy, although they sure help relieve stress. How much more complete would your life be if you were successful at work and pursued childhood dreams at the same time?

We all have excuses and that’s just what they are. I didn’t say it would be easy but I guarantee it will show you a life you never imagined possible. If there’s one thing I love about Ironman it’s that everyone has a story and you meet some of the most inspirational people in the world. Rajesh Durbal is definitely one of those people. He was born missing bones in both legs and partially developed in one arm. At the age of 1, both legs were amputated, rendering him a triple amputee. It didn’t stop Raj. At the age of 30, he became the first triple amputee to complete an Ironman and beat many full bodied athletes. He is a competitor at heart and you can see in his smile that he is pursuing his dreams daily. Don’t even get me started on the Dick and Rick Hoyt story. If you need motivation, just look around. They’re out there every day beating the pavement, making their dreams come true.

I have always been competitive in sports but I too gave into the worldly belief that I had to sacrifice everything to be successful at work. My fitness morphed even further after getting married and having kids. I had a great excuse… I was busy. Who isn’t? I was busy… busy wasting time that could be diverted to feeding the competitive spirit I craved and the completeness from pursuing something bigger. I can personally attest that my life has never been the same since I completed my first Ironman. I am in better shape at 40 than I was at 22 – I weigh less now that I did at 19 (we won’t talk about hair lines). I am more successful at work now than ever and feel the secrets of success have slowly been revealed the more I pursue my dreams. I have made some tradeoffs to achieve my triathlon goals (mainly tv) but my marriage of 11 years and 5 kids have never been sacrificed. I get up every morning at 4am and complete my workouts before work and during lunch breaks. I keep a workout bag in my trunk and never turn down 20 minutes to work out. I also travel 2-3 days a week for work and have never found a hotel I couldn’t get in a solid workout.

We’re never too old… anything is possible! Did I mention I have never beat my 60 year friend in a triathlon? He is #1 in his age group in the World though. My goal is to beat him before he turns 83.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.