7 lessons learned from 35+ surgeries over the last 32 years

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In my short life of 40 years, I have been fortunate to have 32 of those years filled with surgeries, physical therapy and an endless pursuit to become the best version of myself. I won’t say it has always been easy or that I never had doubts, but I will say it has been an amazing journey and I thank God every day for allowing me the opportunity to experience things 99% of the world will never face. I cherish the pain and the joy, as I truly believe you can’t have one without the other.

My journey taught me to never fear failure, never fear pain, never fear isolation and never fear uncertainty. In retrospect, the lessons of my journey are applicable to all and I pray my children, as well as your children, can learn from my experiences without having to experience those pains firsthand.

7 Lessons Learned

  1. I learned losing one gift means I need to be more thankful for my other gifts and make the most of every situation, regardless how small or insignificant it may appear. With every setback comes an opportunity to grow. At 8, I was physically unable to use my right arm for 3 years or hold my head up straight. As a result, I learned how to write left handed to finish the 3rd grade. I also learned how to throw left handed, as well as do the daily things such as brushing my hair, brushing my teeth and even buttoning my shirt left handed. Once I regained use of my right arm, both my arms were equally dominant. This became quite an asset when I boxed in college and more importantly, it helped me to realize there is never just one way to do something. It doesn’t mean the new way will be easy, but adapting is what we do best. People underestimate how resilient we are as humans and unfortunately it often takes a major hardship for us to realize our full potential. If you really want to be inspired, read the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt – father/son team that redefined “anything is possible.”
  2. I learned we all have scars, mine just happen to be on the outside. Everyone faces adversity and everyone has insecurities. For some it’s physical (their looks), others it’s financial (lack of money) and some it’s emotional pain (family turmoil). I have learned everyone is dealing with something, some are just better at hiding it and many are just in denial. I strongly believe in the simple CEO aphorism: You either apply pressure or you feel pressure. The key is to take undo stress and apply it towards productive actions. We all feel pain; we just react differently. Recognize pain as growth opportunities and ask yourself during those troubling times “what am I learning from this?”
  3. “The impossible just takes a little longer,” as a hero of mine Art Berg said. Art set a world-record by becoming the first quadriplegic to race an ultra marathon of 325 miles. Perhaps Art and other challenged athletes would have lived ordinary lives of no significance without their disability. Most people in life never attempt life changing events because they’re fearful of failure, lack the confidence in themselves or believe what everyone is telling them. If you always listen to the advice of others, you will always be limited to mediocrity. Believing in yourself and really pushing yourself, refusing to ever quit even when it seems the walls are caving in, you will be amazed what you can do. When you dare to be great you will realize that others will rally to your cause and want to be part of your success. Never be scared to do the impossible.
  4. We don’t get to where we are without help. While some of us have had a harder road to success than others, we have all had a helping hand, a comforting voice and someone who believed we were capable of greatness. It’s easy to confuse our hard work and personal sacrifices as evidence of our self made success but I assure you there has always been someone in the shadows providing support when you weren’t looking (how many prayers have been said on your behalf). As you climb the corporate ladder or attain your inner happiness, reach down and help out those who desperately need a pick me up. The smallest acts of kindness can have the greatest impact.
  5. You realize things worth having require hard work and sacrifice. Dreams are not realized overnight, despite what you see on TV. We never see the years of hard work entrepreneurs, athletes, musicians, etc… that made those dreams come true. Hard work also means you have to give up things you like in order to have what you really want. Unfortunately, you can’t have your cake and eat it too but you can have the important things in your life if you prioritize. Sacrifices are painful but if you embrace pain as part of the journey, you will never see life the same again. People I admire don’t make a big deal of things when they don’t go their way. They accept the good with the bad and keep moving forward. The biggest compliment I was ever paid is when a friend said “Shay, you are so lucky. Things just come easy for you.” I smiled and said “Thank you. I am glad all my hard work behind closed doors makes it look effortless.” If you love what you do, it really isn’t work.
  6. You can’t be complacent with where you are today. It’s human nature to celebrate our achievements and take pride in them. That’s great but you can’t celebrate too long as life will pass you by as others are vying to make a name for themselves. The game of life is a series of races and challenges that last a lifetime with no finish line until we stand before God on judgment day. Fortunately for some and unfortunately for others, no one will remember what you did 10 years ago, 5 years ago or even a month ago. That is what’s great about life. Each day is a new start to be your absolute best. As the Olympian Steve Prefontaine said,”Success isn’t how far you got, but the distance you traveled from where you started.” There is no greater satisfaction than to continually test yourself and work on becoming the best version of yourself. The satisfaction of knowing you can and will get better every year with a focus on self-improvement is something you wish everyone could experience. How much harder would people work if they were guaranteed to get better.
  7. Confidence is powerful. Without it, you will never do what you were created to do. With it, you can do more than you will ever imagine. Imagine if we spent as much time building up people as we do breaking them down. I’m all for tough love, but I’m also for instilling confidence and the will to succeed. I believe Mark Twain captured it best when he said “If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right.” We have the ability to program our brain to achieve or underachieve.

People often ask if I could turn back time, would I do things differently on Aug 4, 1982. I can proudly say no way. Why would I? What have I missed out on in life as a result of my burns? Absolutely nothing. Did I have to work harder than most? Did I experience pain, ridicule, and endless rejection? You bet, but that’s what made me who I am and for that I am all the better. We so easily forget that our biggest disappointments and failures in life give us the greatest blessings. How could I ever trade my experiences that have afforded me an amazing wife, 5 healthy kids and the excitement to wake up each and every day ready to take on what lies ahead. As you reflect on my lessons learned, be careful not to remove all the pains in your loved ones lives as you could be preventing them from experiencing one of God’s miracles. Without pain, we may never know joy.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

A serving leader: Driving dump trucks, waiting tables, and scrubbing toilets

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Some of the greatest business leaders/entrepreneurs of our time had the humblest of roots and are not afraid to get their hands dirty. Just look at Daniel Schwartz, Burger King’s 32 year old CEO. Schwartz proudly boasts of cleaning 15 toilets in 2 days and making a Whopper in less than 35 seconds. Warren Buffett, many times ranked as the richest man in the world, began his days delivering newspapers. Michael Dell, CEO of Dell Computers, washed dishes at age 12 in a Chinese restaurant. There are thousands of similar success stories out there. When you ask these successful entrepreneurs about their not so famous beginnings, they share a common belief – being thankful for those experiences to learn the value of money and doing what it took to be successful. I’m a firm believer these success stories are due to a belief that has biblical references, ““Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” (Luke 16:10). As a father, I believe the greatest lesson I can instill in my children is that no job is beneath them and a serving leader is worthy of people’s respect.

My career as a Dump Truck driver

My mom was so proud the day I told her I’d be driving a dump truck for a living. What mother wouldn’t! I had only spent the last 5 years making the most of my undergrad career, attending 3 colleges and still managing to graduate Cum Laude with a healthy list of course credits to boot. I’m proud that I didn’t cheat myself of the big college experience while maintaining my responsibility to get good grades.

Driving a dump truck, although not my job of choice, was a very humbling experience. I had just finished the last 6 months living in the woods trapping black bears for the US Fish and Wildlife Service as an intern for $75/week – an extension of my wildlife biology undergraduate degree believe it or not. I have never been one to shy away from a life changing experience for fear of not making real $. Besides, how many people can claim they trapped over 150 black bears, came face to face with a red wolf or nearly attacked by an alligator? I had also recently been accepted into the MBA program at the University of Tennessee and was looking to put aside some spending money to get me through the next year.

Ever since I was a teenager, I was required to have a job and pay for myself. No free lunches in my family. I did everything from delivering auto parts to brick mason laboring to landscaping to sandblasting rusted car parts to waiting tables. I’m a big believer our experiences in life shape the people we become and knowing people’s story explains their station in life. The differentiator is that some use these experiences as stepping stones while others become convinced they’re not capable or deserving of more and become trapped. The work ethic and appreciation for independence is something I am extremely grateful my parents ingrained in me at an early age.

Driving the dump truck was just part of the summer drama leading up to starting B school. At 23, some would probably never admit to such living arrangements but I am not ashamed of my blue collar roots and thankful I learned early you can’t spend what you don’t have. When I returned home from living in the woods, I found myself in a housing situation with a need for 3 months of housing and no measurable income to justify renting an apartment. With no alternative, I decided to live with my dad, grandparents and uncle, all sharing 2 bedrooms. It was quite the setup and worthy of a Jeff Foxworthy joke. My grandparents had one bedroom and my dad had the 2nd bedroom. My uncle worked night shifts so he’d sleep in the 2nd bedroom during the day. We had a spare twin mattress that I’d drag into the living room and sleep on each night. In the morning, I’d put up the sheets and drag the mattress back into the 2nd bedroom.

Regarding work, the beauty of driving the dump truck was the conversations I had with my boss. He was a young guy, only 10 years older than me, and he enjoyed asking me quite frequently how it felt to have a college degree and to be driving his dump truck – not pretentiously but just as a matter of fact. He had forgone college and had done quite well for himself hustling in the construction business. I never took offense to his questioning as I politely told him this was just a temporary situation. I might have felt differently had my father not taught me since I was a young kid that no paying job was beneath me. I have always prided myself on doing whatever it takes (legally of course) to pay my bills and never asked for handouts. Perhaps others see things differently and don’t mind their parents/grandparents subsidizing their living until they find the ‘right job’, but I have always viewed my not so glamourous vocations as stepping stones. I was able to motivate myself to do those jobs to the best of my ability knowing I wouldn’t be doing them forever and at the end of the day I owed no one a penny. Personally, college degree or not, I always thought it was cool to roll my sleeves up and do work my colleagues frowned upon.

My career waiting tables:

I think waiting tables is the best preparation for a career in sales or starting your own business. It teaches you from day 1 that your customers control your income. If they aren’t happy, your wallet will suffer, regardless if you had no control over the food preparation. Like every entrepreneur knows, having the best product (or food) doesn’t guarantee you’ll make money. People spend hard earned money and lots of it to have an enjoyable experience. You learn quickly that things will go wrong but taking ownership for the problem without making excuses goes a long way towards making someone happy. Your job is to make the customer feel good about spending their money with YOU. They have choices and will exercise that freedom if you give them a reason. I also learned quickly that a smile and enthusiasm to take care of the customer goes a long way towards setting the tone for their dining/buying experience.

I waited tables for 2 summers during college, one in a high end bar-b-que restaurant (oxymoron I know) and the other in a white table cloth seafood restaurant. Although the average entrees were a 3 to 1 relationship, the level of rudeness, impatience and overall demanding attitudes were comparable. Every day I dealt with someone that expected me to be their personal servant, believing my sole purpose that day was to wait on them hand and foot, never mind the 6 others tables I was waiting on. I loved these tables as it required me to put on my game face and creatively manage their expectations and not overlook the needs of my other tipping patrons. The same is true with business. We all deal with buttheads on a regular basis and we don’t have the luxury of avoiding them. Thanks to those experiences from waiting tables, I learned how to positively impact those interactions and still keep my sanity (and make a $ too).

Paving the path to success:

As you prepare for the challenges of the New Year, think back on your not so glamorous career experiences and take solace knowing you’ve done the small things to prepare you for the big things.

When you reach the top, don’t forget the things that got you to where you are and never be afraid to roll up your sleeves and get dirty.

Serving leaders, those who get in the trenches with their front line employees, are always respected and able to continually deliver results when others can’t. Alternatively, if you’re in the midst of a not so glamorous career, take pride in knowing you are building a foundation and following the footsteps of almost every great business leader. May the actions of Daniel Schwartz inspire you to do what others are scared to do and prepare you for unimaginable success.

I’d love to hear about your best/worst job and how it paved your road to success. We all cherish the “remember when” stories.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

 

Thanksgiving! 35 surgeries and 32 years later, why I’m so thankful

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Picking my kids up from school this week I noticed the mosaics of construction paper Thanksgiving turkeys with handwritten messages “I’m thankful for…” written on them. One in particular said he was “thankful for hedgehogs”. This grade school exercise is undertaken yearly to teach our children the importance of being thankful, but how many of us adults take the time to reflect on our blessings? We say thank you to co-workers and spouses, but how many of us are truly thankful and take the time to really let those around us know we appreciate them.

What are you thankful for?

I’d like to ask for you to post what you’re thankful for this year. I’ll get it started by saying, I’m most thankful for a beautiful and loving wife, 5 energetic and healthy children, a family that stands beside me in the direst of straits, and a job that has provided all the necessities for my growing family. I am also thankful for my faith, a faith that has shown me what life is really about and teaches my success in life is measured not in money or promotions, but by the impact I have on the lives of others. I am extremely thankful I learned at the age of 8, that life is what we make of it, for better or worse, and no one is to blame but yourself for lack of success.

Over the past 32 years, I’ve underwent 35 surgeries, spent 3 years wearing pressure fitting garments and plastic braces, had to learn how to walk again due to being bedridden for a month, underwent hundreds of hours of rehab and took over 3 years to lift my right arm over my head, and still can’t turn my head to the left without losing hearing in my right ear and the corner of my right eye and mouth pulling severely. This was just the physical side of it. The mental pain was much worse but it more than anything helped mold me into the person I am today. At the age of 8, I experienced the earth shattering news of a doctor telling me I’d never play sports again. At the age of 18, I experienced several college fraternities telling me I wouldn’t get a bid because of my burn scars. From age 8 to 25, I experienced never having a serious girlfriend, believing marriage and having children were a fairy tale. I have had the good fortune to experience absolute hell and as a result, I know what Heaven is and spend every waking moment in pursuit of a more fulfilling life. Believe it or not, I wouldn’t trade any of those experiences. I actually feel sorry for others because they haven’t experienced what it’s like to think you’re the Biblical Job, to think your sole existence was to prove faith and a positive outlook on life conquers all. Like Job, my original blessings have been doubled and my health restored.

During all those years in the hospital I don’t ever recall feeling sorry for myself. I recall feeling angry and confused, but more frustrated than anything as I couldn’t do many things I used to do so easily. As I focused on my recovery, I realized progression would only be achieved by focusing on what I had gained in life as opposed to what I had lost. Any time I had doubts, I looked around the hospital and saw so many children burned far worse than me laughing and going about their life as if nothing was wrong. I refused to believe my life would be dictated by being a burn survivor and was willing to accept that some things would never be the same. However, never being the same didn’t mean it couldn’t be better!

It is easy for us to complain given the complexity and stresses of today’s world. In these times, I encourage you to reflect on your blessings and only entertain positive thoughts. We all have struggles, but you have the ability to overcome and achieve the greatest version of yourself.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Trapping bears. “Do what you love.” How College Grads are screwing up!

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“Do what you love!” Famous words every parent parts to their kids as they pontificate an illustrious career. What great advice, enjoy what you do and get paid at the same time. Taking my parent’s advice literal, I got an undergraduate degree in Wildlife and Fisheries Science – with honors I might add. Think about it, who doesn’t love being in the outdoors and working with animals.

Trapping Bears

Growing up, I loved watching “The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams” and could easily see myself wandering the mountains with gentle Ben. With that in mind, I took the next step and pursed graduate research work trapping Black Bears (Ursus Americanus) for the lofty sum of $75/week – mobile home and all utilities included. Utilities were somewhat misleading since all we had was water and basic power (no tv, no telephone, and no air conditioning). Our research was used to assess the overall health of the black bear population. We were also collecting their blood as part of a 20yr research effort to determine how bears could hibernate for 3 months without suffering any muscle atrophy, able to run 35mph shortly after emerging from their den. In contrast, humans suffer muscle atrophy shortly after being bed ridden.

The research required 14 days in the woods (Great Smoky Mountains National Park) with 4 days off. Interestingly, we usually spent the 4 off days replenishing supplies and treating ourselves to movies and fast food – luxuries of life. Our days started promptly at 5am and we were on the trails by 6am to check our traps, rain or shine. One of our trails required wading through a river chest deep with our packs and shoes above our heads; made for a chilly start to a 12-14hr day. We even worked during lightning storms for fear a bear could be in one of our traps. The health of the bears was always of 1st priority and supposedly the reason why we used a 3ft aluminum pole with a syringe mounted to the end to sedate the trapped bears as opposed to a tranquilizer gun. The PhD student leading the research said tranquiller guns left large hematomas due to the amount of force and drug required to sedate a 400-500lb bear. Instead, we utilized a leg snare trap with a 5 foot lead that was secured to a large tree, allowing the bear to run around the tree in all directions. In essence, we’d show up to our traps every day and hope to be greeted by a 400lb bear caught by one leg, severely upset with being caught to say the least. Now think through this with me. Let’s do some simple math. We had to get within 3 feet of an angry trapped bear to sedate him. The bear was secured by a 5 foot lead with another 2-3 feet of reach. I’m not a math expert, but it seemed the numbers were in the bears favor. Oh, I forgot to mention, the drug took 10-15 minutes to take effect. Being 22 and eager to assume my Grizzly Adams persona, I just said “ok, makes sense to me.” Can’t remember what kind of liability waivers I signed but I’m sure I signed my life away.

Needless to say I did this for 6 months, including a 3 month stint in the Okefenokee Swamp. Believe it or not, swamps have bears as well as alligators and poisonous snakes. Having caught over 150 bears, all I could keep thinking was how do you put a price on this experience. How many people could say they trapped bears for a living? I had unfathomable experiences: saw 2 bears fighting, bluff charged by a bear in a full sprint (luckily I didn’t play dead), mother bear circling me as I held her sedated cub in my arms (never a good thing), and near death encounter with one trapped bear that grabbed my left arm with her claws (I got a little too close but luckily emerged with only claw marks on my arm). I also got to climb inside a 30×30 enclosure with a red wolf as part of the red wolf reintroduction efforts in the Smokies. Now is not a good time to debate my judgment or lack thereof. Despite 6 months of seeing what 99.9% of the world will never see, I came to the realization that I really enjoyed what I was doing but it was not going to pay my bills or provide the lifestyle I wanted – did I mention living in the woods is not conducive for a single man? This is not a proper forum for repeating what I was told about living in the woods with minimal human interaction.

A hobby or a career

Needless to say, living in the woods provides a lot of time for reflection and soul searching. You ponder everything from who was your girlfriend in kindergarten to graduation. During this time, I came to realize what my parents should have said is “Do what you love and will pay your bills.” I realized I had committed a major mistake of so many well intentioned college grads. I had confused a hobby with a career. The 2 are different and mistaking one for the other has a great impact on your well-being. As much as I enjoyed being in the great outdoors with wild animals, I realized that it took on a whole new meaning when it was ‘my job.’ In my spare time, the 4 days off, I no longer got the sense of freedom and exhilaration from just being in the outdoors. Instead of hiking through the woods during my down time, I now craved the basic necessities of civilization; watching a movie, eating a good meal or just driving around.

Immediately after the research project ended, I returned home with a new resolve to pursue a profitable career that could provide for the lifestyle and family I so badly wanted. Within a week of being home, I completed and next day aired my MBA application to the University of Tennessee as well as took the GMAT, admittedly with no benefit of months of preparation. By a sheer miracle, I received a high enough GMAT score, coupled with a good undergraduate GPA, to gain acceptance to the MBA program with only 6 months of bear trapping as my applicable work experience. I spent the next 2 years surrounded by some extremely talented people and quickly molded myself into a full-fledged business entrepreneur.

Fast forward 14 years and hard to believe my current status given my less than humble start as a bear trapper at $75/week. I’ve had unbelievable exposure to extremely successful people and those experiences have shaped me immensely. Although my journey has been less than a straight path, I now have a greater passion for my hobbies and a greater appreciation for my career. As the saying goes, I work hard and play even harder. I am a big fan of life experiences over short term income and believe experiences are what differentiates us from others. I also believe we should never be scared to take risk if we truly believe something is a life changing opportunity – always look at the bigger picture. For instance, at the ripe age of 30, I took a job working for an extremely successful man for $0 for 3 months, paying for all my expense. That ‘free education’ is still paying dividends. Trust me, do your kids a favor and tell them, “Do what you love and make sure it will pay your bills.”

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

A dying Marine showed me how to live

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65 years old, stage 4 pancreatic cancer and this Marine had no regrets nor any bitterness about the cards he had been dealt. Faithful husband, father of 2 grown kids, man of God and he impacted thousands of people with his passion for life. Meet Henry Forrest, one of the original 12 Ironman finishers from 1978 who introduced me to a world with no limits… anything is possible!

I never back down from a challenge

I’ll never forget meeting Henry in November of 2007. I worked in a high-rise in downtown Atlanta and utilized my lunch break to enhance my physique – work on the “gun show” as I used to say. I would throw around heavy weights all in an attempt to increase my chest and biceps, ensuring my manliness was intact. Well… that all came in question when Henry, then 64, approached me in the locker room. He said, “hey tough guy, why don’t you join me and some ladies for my boot camp class.” Intrigued and thinking to myself, does this old timer know who he’s talking to? He obviously didn’t know how much I benched or squatted. I asked, “so what’s involved in this little boot camp class.” Henry responded, “it’s pretty simple, basically all the exercises you did in grade school, pushups, sit-ups, squat thrusts, mountain climbers, nothing too crazy. Shouldn’t be anything for a guy like you with all your muscles.” Really, this 64yr old had to throw that in there? I should have seen the bait but I never back down from a challenge. So I took Henry up on his challenge and walked over to his boot camp class.

He didn’t lie. It was all women, and Henry obviously had no problem wearing spandex and a t-shirt as his standard instructor garb. For reference, Henry still sported a Marine haircut, barrel chested and didn’t look the look of a typical 64 year old man. Class started easy and progressively got worse. In 20 minutes I was in tears and physically unable to complete some of the “core exercises.” I suffered through another 20 minutes until it came time for pushups. I drew a sigh of relief and thought to myself, I’m going to show this old-timer who he’s messing with. No sooner than we started, Henry drops down beside me and starts cranking out set after set of pushups. I couldn’t keep up. He absolutely crushed me and there was nothing I could do. To add insult to injury, he then shouted in my face “pony tail’s are kicking your butt, you better pick it up boy.” All I could muster in response was “yes sir.”

I went home and told my wife the story and committed to her that I’d work myself back into fighting shape. My ego was crushed by a man 30 years older than me. Shortly thereafter I realized he was a retired Marine drill sergeant, one of the original Ironmen from 1978 and still an active triathlete who had recently completed an Ironman. This was no ordinary 64 year old. I started attending his classes 3 days a week for the next 3 months and was back in shape worthy of a new wardrobe. However, during this period Henry became diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and was given 3 months to live. Everyone was devastated but Henry didn’t quit. He made it a year, survived the ‘whipple procedure’ only for it to strike again with a vengeance. How could a man this fit and this full of life have such a deadly disease?

Unfairness in life

He and I became good friends shortly after the initial diagnosis and we shared experiences that had shaped our lives – me being burned as a child and him getting cancer. We talked about the “unfairness” in life and how our reaction to adversity determined the men we had become. We took comfort in each other’s story knowing God had bigger plans for us and it’s not up to us to judge how things appeared. We agreed that we had enjoyed so many blessings how we could we possibly complain. He recounted stories of his military career and how easily it could have been him killed on the battlefield like so many of his friends – one story still imprinted in my head of a friend who accidentally knocked Henry back into the foxhole only to be shot seconds later. He told me of other stories that reinforced just how precious life is and how we should cherish every minute and never take God’s gifts for granted. True to form, Henry continued teaching the boot camp class up until the last weeks of his life, never scared to yell, “don’t you feel sorry for this old man, get your double wides moving.” He was living proof that life can get better with time and our purpose in life should be centered on helping others realize their dreams.

Right before Henry passed, a group of 7 of us fellow boot campers committed to Henry that we would race the next biggest triathlon in his honor, regardless of the distance. That race happened to be a half Ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike and 13.1 mile run). We all spent the next 4 months training our butts off knowing Henry was watching and we couldn’t let him down. It’s amazing how enjoyable the training became, invigorating. It revealed a life where goal setting took on a whole new meaning. We learned the value of focusing on the daily things and never losing sight of our goal. I never would have imagined doing one of these races had it not been for Henry.

Team Henry

Race day came and went. We sported “Team Henry” shirts and know Henry would have been proud. Surprisingly enough, a week after the race our group of 7 gathered to celebrate and tell Henry stories when someone tossed out the idea of doing the Ironman. Long story short, I left the party that night with a registration form to race Ironman Florida just 5 months later. Call it a miracle or an act of God, I raced Ironman Florida on the 1yr anniversary of Henry’s passing. How crazy is that? It was completely unplanned and I had not even pondered the date until I ran into Henry’s daughter the night before the race. I’ll never forget her comment, “daddy will be watching, and he’ll be smiling.”

Six years and 3 kids later (5 total) I am still racing and doing things I never thought possible. I truly believe Henry was placed in my life for a reason and I’m so thankful my heart and my ego were open to his message. His words of wisdom have carried beyond triathlons and into my career. This day reminds me of all those who have selflessly given of themselves so that the rest of us can enjoy our freedoms and pursue our goals. I could never repay all those who have served and hope they know my family is eternally grateful.

In the words of Henry Forrest: “The hotter the heat, the stronger the steel.”

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Embracing the suck, World Championship, USAT magazine cover

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News flash: Life’s not fair. Doing your best doesn’t always mean you’ll be successful and good doesn’t always triumph over evil. All of us overachievers wake up every morning convinced if we just outwork our peers we will climb the corporate ladder. Those of us with fancy degrees (MBA, PHD) are convinced we’re the smartest guys/gals in the room. But guess what, the game of life places a heavy emphasis on chance. As we all know, sometimes being in the right place at the right time outweighs experience or education. However, being in the right place at the right time is often dictated by our work ethic and commitment to never quit, despite the road ahead. I have learned in life, in marriage, in fatherhood and in business that my greatest successes usually came after what some called my biggest failures. I pause and ask, “What is failure?” To me, it’s the refusal to try again. The good Colonel Sanders taught me that sometimes it takes over 1,000 “no’s” to get the 1 “yes” that changes your life forever.

I am an avid triathlete and take the sport seriously. I have never considered myself a great athlete, but I am one hell of a competitor. I have done well in sports throughout the years, mainly because I trained smart and spent a great deal of time training my brain to focus on pushing through the wall, “embracing the suck” as we affectionately say in Ironman. As I tell everyone who is training for their first Ironman, it’s pretty easy. Just follow the instructions and do the daily workouts. Don’t look at what you have to do in 30 weeks, just focus on tomorrow’s workout and then each workout every day after that. Guess what, in 30 weeks you’re an Ironman. The physical preparation is easy, it’s the mental preparation where many fall short. Most athletes and business people completely fall apart when their podium training plan falls apart mid race or they’re skipped over for a promotion at work. Sadly, that’s life. Rarely do things ever work out just like we planned and that’s why we need to always be prepared to do what it takes to make our dreams come to fruition.

World Championships 2011

I had qualified for Team USA to compete in the ITU Long Course World Championships by placing 6 in my Age Group at the National Championships. I trained religiously for 9 months and was in peak fitness. I showed up for the even convinced I had the ability to place top 25. As luck had it, a rare winter storm hit Vegas and outside temp was 37 degrees with 10mph winds, making the 4KM open water swim guaranteed hypothermia. The race directors cancelled the swim which was disappointing, yet it also increased my chances of placing higher since swimming was by far my biggest weakness. I was convinced now that I stood a chance of placing top 15 – in the World! The race then proceeds minus the swim leg and we’re off, fighting to see who’s the fastest on the 120KM bike and then a 30KM run on the world’s toughest course.

Embrace the suck

10 miles into the bike ride I get a flat tire. I have never flatted in a race before. I stayed calm and changed the tire quickly and was back in the mix, retaking those that had passed me. 5 miles later the tire was flat again only this time I didn’t have another tube. I used some CO2 cartridge to re-air the tire every 5 miles before exhausting my supply, saddled with a flat tire at mile 50 – 25 miles short of the bike finish line. A race fan offered assistance to the finish line, which would have disqualified me from the race and I have NEVER not finished a race, NEVER. I gave the fan my wife’s phone number and said “please tell Brooke I’m ok but I’ll be late, but I will be there.” It was then that my mental training took over – “embrace the suck.” I took off my cycling shoes and put them on the ends of my aero bars. Road cycling shoes were not designed for running, much less 25 miles. I ran the next 6 miles barefoot pushing my bike, the whole time thinking there was no way I couldn’t not finish. How would I tell my kids, only 2 at the time, that their daddy didn’t get them a medal (these events have pretty nice finishers’ medals). By sheer miracle, I encountered another racer who had ripped his tire but his tube was intact. He offered up his tube and I was back in business with 19 miles of biking left before I would have to run 30KM (18.6 miles) on an extremely hilly course, not to mention my feet were extremely bruised and battered from running the 6 miles barefoot. Needless to say, I finished the race and kept my finishers streak intact (still managed to beat a few racers). It seemed like the perfect end to an epic journey except for some reason the race organizers forgot to order medals. How is that possible, this is the World Championships?

USAT Magazine Cover

Fast forward 2 months and I receive a phone call from the CEO of USA Triathlon Rob Urbach. He was deeply apologetic and explained the situation around the mishap. I was taken aback by his honesty and compassion to do the right thing. As we talked, I explained that I wasn’t upset because I didn’t receive a medal but rather because the medal was cherished by my children. It was also a token of the commitment I have made to demonstrate to my children that we are “doers” not “talkers.” At the conclusion of our chat, Rob said someone from his staff would be calling in a few days and he had an idea. Well… a couple months later I’m a cover story in their magazine in the Olympic preview issue. What’s even more amazing is that the release of the article coincided with a nationwide contest I was in to compete in the Ironman World Championships. Long story short, the magazine proved to be one of a few miracles that sent me to compete at Kona, the Ironman World Championships in 2012 – a life dream that over 90,000 people compete for 1900 slots.

Looking back, who would have thought a flat tire at the ITU World Championships would be a blessing in disguise. Who would have thought, going from believing you’ll finish in the top 15 in the race to having to run 6 miles barefoot to finishing 3 from last would have landed me a cover story in USAT magazine. That’s the beauty of life. You never know and you never will know if you give up. Life’s not fair but I can tell you that persistence and the commitment to never give up ALWAYS produces long term results.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Day 10: Going home…living a Thankful life everyday! Watching our 2yr old win the fight for her life.

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Day 10: Stella Update (actual Facebook post)

We thought this day would never come – Stella going home! Her caregivers have mentioned since Saturday the possibility of us going home today but we knew the pitfalls of getting our hopes up. It seems every day something popped up that warranted an extra day of observation – retaining too much fluids, getting handle on withdrawal, not urinating, body tremors, fever, high blood pressure, etc… Today was no exception. The Doctor this morning told me she’d like to watch Stella for another day or so to make sure she’s ok. Put off by having to wait yet another day despite everyone saying she looked a lot better, I asked “what does she need to accomplish to go home?” (Please understand I would never compromise the health of our children but I do expect reasonable explanations.) I was already leery knowing the conflicting directives we had received the day before (eat/don’t eat, remove feeding tube/don’t remove, take diuretic/don’t take diuretic). I believe I caught the doctor off guard with my direct question – i’ve never been a fan for beating around the bush. Stunned, she paused for a few seconds, then said, “you’re right. She can go home today. I don’t see why she can’t. She’s eating, breathing fine on her own and you’re able to give her all her meds orally…why not. Besides, she’ll probably do better in a comfortable environment.” And just like that we were cleared to go.

The long drive home

The drive home required driving through a stretch of road construction that was about 3 miles. As I was driving I couldn’t help but think the construction was an analogy for our last 10 days. Road Construction is like life in so many ways – no matter how much planning you do to accommodate future growth more changes are always required and you can’t judge the success of the project (road/life) by how it looks half way through completion. As I was driving down the newly laid asphalt I couldn’t help but recall how 6 months prior it was a traffic nightmare – culverts everywhere, construction equipment, temporary driveways for homeowners, etc… Perhaps Stella’s situation was like this road. Perhaps we just completed all the initial infrastructure work and we’re doing the final grading, preparing the surface for the new asphalt. Perhaps in a few months our little Stella will be not just back to normal, but even better. I won’t even speculate on what this could be but the possibilities are very exciting. What if we approached every obstacle, tragedy or roadblock as a growth opportunity. If we did, would we have a different attitude when we encounter life’s challenges? I’m a firm believer everything has a meaning and a purpose. The problem is too many of us are too busy complaining about how unlucky we are to realize just how blessed we are. I’ve seen more than my share of suffering over the last 42 years and realize humans are very resilient and can do amazing things when they have or want to.

Coming home was surreal yet overwhelming. As soon as we stepped out of the van reality set in. We realized we got our wish…we were now officially on our own. No nurse to give correct dosages of meds, no dr down the hall to ask if her breathing was ok and now we had our 4 other kids to contend with. Our 10yr old made a welcome home greeting and had it waiting for us on the front porch. As we starting walking through the front yard our 3 boys came running out in their socks screaming “Stella, Stella.” They were clearly glad to see her. Once we got inside they were all over her, talking to her nonstop, touching her, basically mobbing her like the paparazzi. Strangely enough she didn’t seem to mind although Brooke and I feared a tragic meltdown from sensory meltdown. As the day passed it was apparent Stella had overdone it. She became very irritable and quickly agitated.

Part of our unpacking including mapping out her medication schedule for the next 7 days – including 2 shots in her thigh each day of the blood thinner for the clot in leg for the next 6-12 weeks. The pain meds for the withdrawal require us to set alarms throughout the night to keep the weaning schedule. The medication schedule really makes us thankful this is hopefully not something we have to do forever. Pretty amazing to think there are many parents that do this every day for the rest of their kids childhood. Every time I’m tempted to complain I think of those that would give anything to be in our situation. When it’s all said and done, we’ve had a blessed life grateful for whatever comes our way. Thank you Jesus for answering our prayers and bringing our sweet little Stella home. We know you are just preparing her for bigger things down the road.

November 23, 2016

Fast forward 5 months. Little Stella is no longer on the blood thinner shots and has been seizure free – just a few scares with small fever spikes. Stella slept in our bed for the 1st 3 months while she was on the blood thinners but she is officially back in her big girl bed and sleeping through the night. It also appears the PTSD has subsided. Our first 3 months of follow-up doctor visits were extremely painful as she would scream uncontrollably at the mere site of a doctor, nurse or anyone in scrubs (including her aunt Heather when she came to visit at our home). We still travel with an emergency seizure kit every where we go. The doctors still don’t know what caused the seizure but for now they’re calling it a complex febrile seizure, even though her fever was only 100.1 (they think the rate of the small fever spike could have triggered the seizure).

Moving on, picking up the pieces

As a family we have decided to move on an put the past behind us. We will not live in fear or think we’re just one seizure away from repeating this experience…who can live a productive life like that and what a disservice it would be for our other 4 kids. Instead, we’re focusing on living in the moment and being Thankful for every day we have with our kids. We’re not going to put off the cool vacations thinking they might be better if we wait until their teenagers (went to Yellowstone this summer – best trip ever!). We’re not going to put off visiting friends and family despite always being crazy busy (we will make a conscious effort to spend time with those we care about). What we are going to do is live life to the max, a life of no regrets. For starters, this years Christmas Lights will be over the top (it’s not like every year isn’t but I have already put a few thousand extra out in the yard and got one more 12′ blowup). WE ARE SO THANKFUL this year for all our blessings and pray the way we live our lives is evidence.

To read about Stella’s journey from the beginning, read Day 1: Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 10 days to be Thankful!

About Shay

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out his other posts.

Day 9: With suffering comes growth.

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Day 9: June 18, 2016 (actual Facebook post)

Our celebration of Father’s Day today was what Father’s day was meant to be… just kids being with their father. There was no fancy lunch. Instead, Nonna (Brooke’s mom) brought the kids to the hospital and we ate pizza across the street from the hospital while Nonna sat with Stella. There was no getting dressed up in our Sunday best. Instead, Brooke and I wore our daily hospital garb (jeans and t-shirt) and were perfectly accepting of our disheveled look. There was no organized chaos trying to get the kids to pose for pictures. Instead, we were focused on letting the kids interact with Stella to ensure they weren’t overwhelming her. They are always super excited to see her and have a hard time not touching and petting her like a puppy. This Father’s Day was nothing like I or Brooke had planned 2 weeks ago, but we couldn’t have imagined spending the day doing anything different.

 

9 days ago I seriously thought there was a chance this would be the worst Father’s Day ever. I thought it would have the same meaning in our family as 9/11, Pearl Harbor and other days people have lost loved ones –

why does it always seem we lose loved ones close to holidays?

I am eternally thankful that was not the case. It was definitely the most scared I have ever been in my adult life. I say adult life because when I was burned as a kid I think I was protected by my innocence. I really had no clue about the severity of my injury whereas now I fully comprehend what was at risk. As parents, we’d all willingly endure any amount of pain to spare our kids any amount of suffering.

Stella is progressing but we are truly on the world’s tallest roller coaster ride. Just in the last 36 hours we have climbed the summit of Mt Everest and dove to the bottom of the deepest oceans.

We’ve went from watching Stella eat a snicker doodle cookie to being told no food for 24hrs. We’ve went from being told we can take her anywhere in the hospital to being told she might need to be quarantined in the room for 48hrs for a RVP test. We’re elated, confused, hopeful and anxious all at the same time. What we have learned is being an advocate for your child’s health pays off and don’t be afraid to ask questions. We are in no way as smart as her Doctors but we do know little Stella and that counts for something. Ignoring the confusion around Stella’s treatment post PICU, the withdrawal from coming off the pain meds after 7 days is really playing with our minds – especially at nights. As I began typing this update, Stella started shaking/tremoring in the fetal position and her eyes started to twitch. I immediately cut on the lights and started calling her name. Luckily, she looked at me right away and the tremors subdued quickly. Fortunately but unfortunately, Brooke prepared me for this as she had witnessed this unfold several times last night, each time causing concerns as the nurses were wondering if she was having a seizure. Needless to say, I’ll be sleeping next to her bed with one eye open. Perhaps this is our new reality but we’re told this will pass in due time. We can only pray for the best and accept whatever comes our way.

This whole week has really taught me we put way too much effort into “doing something special” for celebration days as opposed to focusing on being in the moment and enjoying the time with loved ones. I’m as guilty as anyone. I always want to do something extra special and make these days memorable. Brooke’s birthday was this past Thursday. I had a few ideas on what to get her and had planned on going shopping at her new favorite store this past mon and tues since I wouldn’t be traveling for work. Needless to say, she had to settle for the Publix birthday cake and adult coloring book (no it’s not what you think) I had actually ordered 2 weeks ago. I felt horrible that on her special day I had no big presents to give her. The feeling of inadequacy quickly vanished when I realized she completely understood and was thankful for the cake and coloring book but more importantly Stella was recovering.

The same thing also happened with my dad for Father’s Day. I called him early this morning to wish him a Happy Father’s Day, but felt horrible I hadn’t sent him a card or anything. My shame was instantly forgotten as we both talked and even just sat there in silence – we were both holding back the tears knowing we both had come very close to losing a child. We didn’t really have to say anything, just “I love you” and “these times will pass.” After my call with dad I couldn’t help but feel a little taller, a little more focused on making the most of every day and never feeling guilty of how things turn out. At the end of the day you can only do your best and those who know and love you will always know you live your life with passion.

Thanks for the continued prayers for sweet Stella. It felt so incredibly awesome to hold her in my arms today and read “Pat the Bunny” nonstop with her saying “again” after each reading until she finally fell asleep. As I put her in her little bed I wanted so badly to lay beside her. Brooke has already prepared me that she’ll be sleeping with us when we get home and there was no argument from me. It’s so hard as parents. We want to hold and protect our children every minute of every day but it’s just not possible. We all know we can’t protect them from every danger in the world nor do we lose that feeling even when they’re all grown up (as every parent keeps telling me). All we can do is just live life and live to the fullest. Eternally grateful for ALL our blessings.

To read about Stella’s journey from the beginning, read Day 1: Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 10 days to be Thankful!

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Day 8: The end is in sight. Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 3 days to be Thankful!

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Day 8: June 17, 2016 (actual Facebook post)

Has it really been only 8 days since we walked through the ER door at Vanderbilt Childrens hospital? It feels like 2 months. I haven’t slept in my bed since Jun 9th nor have I had more than 3 hours away from the hospital since then. I’m not complaining nor would I do things differently if given the opportunity. Brooke and I both agreed we needed to be with Stella until she is out of the hospital; she absolutely needs us and we could never live with ourselves if something happened and we weren’t there – ‘not on our watch’ as we like to say.

We have been on the PICU floor longer than any other child surprisingly, witnessing at least 10-15 kids cycle through here while we remained in the same room (3 just in the room next to us). It takes a toll on you mentally to watch them empty out the room and reset it in anticipation for another patient. Sadly, it has started to feel like home here. We know all the nurses, attending doctors, fellows, residents and respiratory therapists. The fellows already know what question I’m going to ask them every morning as they walk us through Stella’s current condition – what is our goal today and how will you measure success? Everybody knows Stella and many have taken a genuine interest in her health. Several of the staff have stopped by her room, even though they’re assigned to another ward or another patient, just to say hello and see how she’s recovering. She’s earned herself a reputation as someone not to bother, she’s easily rattled and no one takes offense. She’s got the fight in her.

However, our residency changed today. Shortly before lunch we were escorted out of PICU and up to the 7th floor. We were thrilled to leave as this was based strictly on her health improving but we knew we’d miss the one on one attention and comradely we’ve built over the last 8 days. I have learned a lot about each one of her nurses and they about me. I would stay up talking with them every night until 4am and then Brooke would take over so I could get some sleep. You really learn a lot about these nurses and I was intrigued to learn why they did what they did and why they chose to focus on children. Surprisingly, there were 2 common themes – kids have much smaller poop to clean up and generally kids are in the hospital because of an accident, not some self inflicted wound like many adults.

Leaving PICU almost bright me to tears. I felt I was saying goodbye to longtime friends. If you think about it, many of them had a serious impact on something that means the world to me – little Stella. Her caregivers watched Stella battle back and they also watched us struggle to accept our new reality. My heart always goes out to healthcare workers as they see patients at their lowest moments in life and very rarely see them once they’ve made a full recovery. Imagine how these nurses and doctors would feel if they could see the long term impact they had on their patients lives. The PICU teams saw us in our most vulnerable state and that is not something I share with many people. It really makes you re-evaluate life in general and question if your daily interactions would be different if you knew everyone’s story. Everyone has a story, some are just better than others at sharing. One of our nurses had 6 kids and we just exchanged kid stories for hours – although none of her kids trimmed her cat with scissors or covered her bedroom wall with Vaseline.

We are slowly adjusting to our new freedom on the 7th floor and excited as it puts us one step closer to going home. We were able to take Stella outside in a wagon this morning and pull her through their little garden. Having her out of the room for just 30min made us acutely aware how much her health had declined. She was exhausted and seemed overwhelmed by all the stimulation. We def have our work cut out but excited we can see the promise land on the horizon. Stella is still battling with withdrawal from being sedated so long but she continues to show improvement. One of the biggest steps she took today was eating solid food. Her first meal was a snicker doodle cookie from #JakesBakes. I tried healthier options and it came down to a cookie or nothing. I ate one with her so she wouldn’t feel too bad about the empty calories.

I can already see Stella’s disposition changing, at least temporarily. She really loves Brooke and I to hold her hand, which I’d do all day every day. I can see us building a unique bond that will unite us even closer. We all have unique experiences with our kids and this one is really special. I still have memories from getting burned as a kid that created a special bond between me and my parents. We love you sweet little Stella and I’m so excited about the woman you’re going to become one day – just hopefully that’s at least 25 years down the road.

To read about Stella’s journey from the beginning, read Day 1: Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 10 days to be Thankful!

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Day 6: Miracles happen. Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 5 days to be Thankful!

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6 days into our journey to save our little Stella, we were painfully aware our lives would never be the same. We were painfully aware life wasn’t fair and we had 2 choices… feel sorry for ourselves and play the victim card, or make the most of a bad situation and be thankful for all our blessings. The more I looked around in the hospital, the more I contemplated the miracles that saved her life – my wife sitting beside her when she had the seizure (we had CMA tickets and decided last minute not to go), I was less than a mile from home and not out of town on business, we had a world renown pediatric trauma center 15 minutes away (Vanderbilt Monroe Carell), my sister-in-law working at the hospital and she knew the entire attending staff, my mother-in-law was at our home and able to stay with our 4 other kids, friends taking our kids on play dates and giving them a sense of normalcy, co-workers visiting us at the hospital to take our minds off staring at her in the bed, and the list goes on. This Thanksgiving we are so thankful and hope our journey reminds you just how thankful we all should be!

Day 6: June 15, 2016 (actual Facebook post)

Never before have I enjoyed being still, sitting and doing nothing… until now. It’s not so much that I enjoyed it as much as the feeling of calmness and innocence that it offered.

I can’t count how long over the past 6 days I have sat next to Stella and done nothing but simply hold her little hand, touched her skin, ran my fingers down her arm and traced the outline of each finger, combed her hair to side of her face with my thumb, kissed her forehead, placed my hand on the top of her chest – feeling it slightly rise with each beat of her heart.

It was if she was an extension of myself – our hearts beating as one. I could almost feel her pain, feel her confusion as she tries to make sense of her surroundings, feel her loneliness as she lay isolated on the bed with all the wires attached to her body. But through it all I could also sense a fight going on within her. A fight for her life. A fight to be rid of all the unknowns in life that try to derail us from living a meaningful life. A fight to break the bonds of complacency. A fight to overcome whatever adversity comes her way. I could sense a warrior spirit.

Today I think I’ve truly experienced what I’ve always heard as a kid “this is going to hurt me more than you” (that was usually followed by a spanking mind you in my case). The assessment this morning concluded Stella is definitely making progress and likely to get her breathing tube removed in the morning. To hit tomorrow’s milestone, the doctors outlined a plan to wean her pain meds and do some sample runs without ventilator assistance (CPAP). Stella stepped up to the challenge and aced her CPAP, 2nd test to occur tonight at 11pm. For the first time, she opened her eyes and kept them open for 5-10 minutes at a time.

For the first few hours, she stared aimlessly, unable to comprehend her surroundings but responding to mine and Brooke’s voice. As the day progressed, she began to keep her gaze on us and intermittently would slightly shake her head “no” if we asked her a question or the nurse touched her (Stella doesn’t like to be bothered and everyone on staff is well aware of that by now). It was utterly amazing but also eerily saddening at the same time. Also for the first time, we could actually see the true pain in her eyes.

We could see just how helpless and scared she must be feeling.

There was no misinterpreting the look in her eyes. Our emotions were so mixed – going from elation at having her see our love for her in our eyes and yet instantly switching to overwhelming grief at the terror consumed gaze in her eyes. It was obvious she was trying to come to terms with the large tube in her mouth and throat that muffled any semblance of sound. You could visibly see her choking at times but no sound came out. You could see tears in her eyes but no cries could be heard. Every time she winces with pain, I can feel the tears building in my eyes. I do all I can to hold them back so she doesn’t see the sadness in my eyes. Luckily, these moments vanished as quickly as they appeared.

I find myself staring at the clock, praying for morning, praying for the morning shift of doctors that will remove the breathing tube that is the root of Stella’s pain. I take comfort in knowing there is an end in near. I can see the finish line and anticipate sprinting across it with her in my arms. It may be in the morning but I am also prepared if complications arise and that time is delayed. As I look into her eyes, I can’t help but believe she can truly see just how much Brooke and I love her. I believe she knows she is loved more than anything in this world and that her parents will walk through fire if that is what it takes. Each day has been a great character building opportunity. I am thankful for this experience, and the fact she is getting better, and I know it will only strengthen our family bond. A wise Ironman competitor, Henry Forrest, once told me “the hotter the fire, the stronger the steel.” We have truly sharpened our steel this week. Thanks for the continued prayers.

To read about Stella’s journey from the beginning, read Day 1: Watching our 2yr old fight for her life… 10 days to be Thankful!

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.