Pick a destination. Setting goals, and the power of preparing for success

Written by

The old saying, “failure to prepare, prepare to fail” has never been truer. For some reason, people always think opportunities for greatness or achieving a life dream come with “save the date” invitations. The opposite is the norm. Opportunities of greatness are only realized by those who have done the hard work, those who have prepared themselves mentally and physically. Hard work alone doesn’t guarantee success, but it sure doesn’t hurt. True to what Zig Ziglar espoused, if you want to go on vacation, you must have a destination in mind. And…if you’re taking a vacation, you better pack accordingly if you actually want to enjoy the vacation. How many people make a list of what to pack for their vacation and how many start packing days ahead? Imagine if you applied your vacation planning thoroughness to every aspect of your life?

Pick a destination and start preparing accordingly.

I’m a believer we should dream BIG, but obviously within some level or reasonability. As a man 5’7” (I used to claim 5’8” before I got married but the extra 1” seems insignificant now) with no vertical leaping ability, aspirations of being a pro basketball player are not in the cards.

However, nothing is keeping me from being a top 1% world ranked Ironman triathlete but my commitment to get better. To that point, I have now engaged a premier coach and mapped out my training/racing plan for 2015 to get me there. With my destination set, I have made my packing list and starting preparing for the trip of a lifetime.

Sadly, most people sell themselves short and set minimal expectations, limiting their achievements before they even wake up every day. People are scared to DREAM BIG for fear they will come up short. When I ask people about doing an Ironman they quickly say “no way I could ever do one of those.” I then say “how do you know, have you tried?” To which they always so “no, but …” I then walk them through 2 simple questions to illustrate my point. “If we met tomorrow morning, could you run/walk for 20 minutes? I don’t care about speed, could you do it?” They always answer yes. With them engaged, I then say “After tomorrow’s workout, if we meet the next day, could you ride your bike 30 minutes? Again, I don’t care about speed, could you do it?” They of course answer yes. I then look at them assuredly and say “guess what? In 30 weeks of doing this workout, you’d be an Ironman?” It’s 100% true and true about life in so many ways.

How many opportunities do we shy away from because we simply can’t fathom how we could ever do something so extreme. Low expectations arise from 2 deficiencies:

  1. Inability to articulate clear and precise daily, weekly and monthly goals that will help them achieve their goals.
  2. Inability to embrace the building process, the slow accrual of skill sets over a period of time that collectively are game changers.

When asked what their goals in life are, so many reply “make a lot of money, be happy, be a great parent, etc…” These are great but extremely generic and amorphous. Without specific goals to quantify what is a lot of money or how will I know if I’m happy or what is the determination for being a great parent, we will lack our sense of purpose and aimlessly pursue activities that don’t put us in a position to achieve our goals.

Specific goals are necessary and give us satisfaction our daily efforts are producing targeted results. For example, one could say making a lot of money means: have no debt, able to set aside 5% of my paycheck for retirement, able to take 3 family vacations a year and have $ set aside for emergencies. For measuring happiness, one could say: wake up every morning excited about going to work, exercise 30 minutes daily, smile when I see myself in the mirror or witness family and friends laugh when in my presence. Being a great parent is harder to quantify as it requires a longer term mindset and you may not see the outcome of your actions until they reach adulthood. But, you could measure your influence based on your ability to: say “I love you very much” to your kids at least once a day, spend at least 10 hours of quality time each week with them, help them achieve big milestones each year – riding a bike, hitting a softball or simply their willingness to talk openly with you about challenges they’re facing. If you don’t have goals, you will always be waiting on the affirmation of others as a scorecard. Trust me, I use my scorecard as the scorecards of others can be a recipe for failure.

My Big Hairy Audacious Goal

In 2008, I set a bigger than life goal of competing in the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii – the World’s hardest one day endurance event. 90,000 athletes compete annually for the coveted 1900 slots to swim 2.4 miles in the Pacific Ocean, then bike 112 miles in 40+ mph crosswinds only to then run 26.2 miles through a scorching lava field. Entry into the BIG DANCE in Kona required finishing top 3 in your age group at a branded Ironman event. Despite training year around for the past 4 years and getting into the best shape of my life, I came up short in my targeted qualifying race in May 2012. Everything that could have went wrong, went wrong. When I say everything, I mean everything: altitude sickness – migraines every day for 4 days straight, chain dropped at mile 5 on the bike course, loss of 2 critical water bottles at mile 10 on the bike – contained essential calories and electrolytes needed to maintain targeted pace, aero bars rotated down to front wheel when crossing a cattle guard and then culminating in severe dehydration when I started the run – urinating blood before I even started running the marathon on the world’s hardest Ironman marathon course. But guess what, I still finished the race, albeit 1 hour off my targeted finish time. I gave it everything I had and have no regrets. I even managed to get a big smooch from my wife at mile 14 on the run. In times like those you make the best of a bad situation and tell yourself it’s preparing you for something bigger.

Well that something bigger came just 2 weeks later. Ironman announced a new contest called “Kona Inspired,” a contest where a nationwide voting would select the 6 most inspiring stories to compete at the Ironman World Championship. When I learned of the contest, I immediately sat down with my wife, who is often regarded as a saint for putting up with me and our 5 kids under 9, and said “are you on board with me doing this contest because you know me better than anybody? If I do this, I’m in it to win it and I’m going to do everything to make it happen.” Without hesitation she said “yes, of course. This has always been your dream and I’m not going to prevent you from achieving your dream.” Great answer, couldn’t have said it better but trust me, if there’s one thing I learned early, it’s to get the full support and buy-in of your team (i.e. wife and kids) before you commit to anything life changing. Something told me “this is it, my one shot.” With no assurances whatsoever that I’d win, I started training with the conviction I was going to compete in the World Championship in just 4 months. To quote Eminem, I had “just one shot…” First thing first, keep in mind I didn’t even know if I would be selected as 1 of the 6 finalists, I made a plan of what I needed to do to have the best possible race experience and to transform my body to compete in the unfathomable heat that defined Kona. “KONA” – those 4 letters were all you ever had to utter and you immediately garnished the admiration of any triathlete. The transformation needed would be nothing short of miraculous as my body was poorly equipped for racing in extreme heat – inability to sweat on 1/3 of my body and inability to quit sweating on the other 2/3 of my body. Due to my severe burn scars (full burn story), body thermoregulation is a challenge to say the least, hence the urinating blood at my last race. As a lifetime athlete, I knew the only way to race competitively was to train in race conditions. Training I did; training as if I was a pro athlete racing for the $100,000 purse (full story).

It has been 2 1/2 years since I crossed the finish line in KONA. Those 10hrs 45min of pushing myself to the limit was more than just a race. It was living life to the fullest with no regrets. How many people can say that? How many people know what it’s like to achieve a life dream? You can and so can anyone. I was afforded the opportunity to realize a life dream because I was prepared… prepared to do what others were scared to do. Prepared to do whatever it took and not make excuses for why I couldn’t but instead focusing on reasons why I could. I prepared myself mentally and physically for over 4 years for the KONA experience with no assurances it would ever come to fruition. It was my preparation that enabled me to see an opportunity and take full advantage of it, never questioning or asking “what if I don’t win the contest, what if everyone thinks I’m crazy, what if colleagues think I’m neglecting my job responsibilities …” Good thing I didn’t because they did. People always question you when they’re personally scared to test themselves and their only rationality is that you’re obsessed or doing something you shouldn’t be doing. And to those people, this picture is worth a thousand words, at least a thousand.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Mr. Potato Head taught me, ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but …’

Written by

Being successful in life requires a sense of humor. Let’s be honest, the world is full of hurtful people who want nothing more than to bring you down and crush your dreams. Often times it’s because of their own insecurities and need to be validated by others. As kids, we are taught to ignore the hurtful words of others. In theory it’s great, but we all know it’s not quite as easy to practice.

Reality check… life is tough and people will say and do things to hurt you. The sooner you accept that the easier life is.

Many aren’t aware of the impact of their comments and actions while others simply don’t care and have no filter.

Kids can be cruel

I learned as a kid the importance of believing in yourself and not relying on the opinions of others to determine your self-worth and I am thankful for that hard lesson. I distinctly remember as an 8yr old schoolmates whispering behind my back about my burn scars. Trust me, you know when people are staring and talking about you. Then there were those more brazen who would call me Freddy Krueger to my face, in tribute to Wes Craven’s main character from ‘Nightmare on Elm Street.’

Then there were the hundreds of kids, and even adults, who would stare at me and make comments such as “ewww gross mommy, look at him.” Unless you’ve been in that situation, it’s hard to comprehend what it’s like for people to stare at you everywhere you go… and I mean everywhere – school, church, restaurant, movies, grocery store, etc…

There comes a time in your life, as it did for me, that you finally realize you have 2 options:

  1. Do nothing. Feel sorry for yourself and avoid going to public places. Play the victim card and fear change.
  2. Do something. Accept reality and learn to embrace your shortcomings. Commit to being the best version of yourself.

Acceptance

With the help of months of crying myself to sleep and praying for the scars to go away, I came to terms with the permanent nature of my scars. Call it faith or social evolution, I learned I needed to adopt a sense of humor about my scars if I wanted to be successful and have any hopes of living a normal life. I realized things wouldn’t change overnight nor would anyone do it for me. The evolution of my acceptance is no small feat and required years, even decades, of refinement. It’s a constant balance between overplaying your acceptance (and practical jokes) with being humble and thankful for your blessings. I have learned to just be myself and not worry what everyone else thinks. People respect genuineness and admire those that are comfortable in their own skin.

There will always be haters and I can’t control what they think so why bother. I learned to live for me and focus on my happiness.

From age 8-35 I had no right ear, not even a hint of one. You wouldn’t believe how many times people, often times kids my age, would come up and say “hey, you have no ear, where’d it go?” Finally, I started saying “what do you mean?” Then they’d point at it, or where it should be, and say “your right ear. It’s missing.” Continuing the role play, I’d reach up and feign shock and say “oh my gosh, where is it? You have to help me find it.” That story line never gets old and was best played out at a neighborhood swimming pool where I had kids diving into the deep end for 20 minutes believing it was stuck on the drain.

Evolution of Mr. Potato Head

At 35, I received a prosthetic right ear that literally snaps onto a metal bar that is anchored by permanent screws that are drilled into my head. As a result, I’m officially known as Mr. Potato Head by those who work in my industry and have witnessed it popping off at inopportune times. The beauty of meeting new people is they don’t know your story and form opinions quickly – i.e. the 2 ears on your head are real and won’t fall off while we’re talking, etc… For the most part those assumptions hold true unless I’m introduced to a dance floor. I absolutely love my dancing and always game for showing off my mad skills regardless of the venue. Most recently, I was working the floor in a dance off at an HFMA event in Atlantic City. Not to brag, but I owned the floor. I gave it everything I had and finished with a nice backspin – throwback to my 80’s upbringing. As I walked off the floor, fully expecting to receive applause and chants of ‘we want more’, instead I was faced with dead silence. I was stunned and thought what more could they possible want. It was then that a colleague pointed to the dance floor and said “your ear is still on the dance floor.” Not missing a beat, I strolled out onto the floor, grabbed the lonely prosthetic ear and quickly snapped it back into place. Needless to say, I don’t think the audience was prepared for an ear to pop off one of the dance competitors. I say competitors because everything is always a competition or at least to me. I believe you do everything with 100% of your ability and never hold back. I never do anything half ass and rest easy at night knowing if I lose any of my abilities I will never have regrets for not using them fully.

32 years removed from my injury, I think the single biggest accelerator for my healing and resuming a meaningful and fulfilling life is due to embracing my situation and learning to laugh at myself. Time continues to reinforce my mantra – age has a unique way of forcing us all to come to terms with our shortcomings and learning to focus on the things we can impact and not losing sleep over those things we can’t. I would like to issue a formal apology to the TSA agent working the security scanner at the Hartsfield Atlanta Airport when I decided to pull my latest prank. I can assure you it gave him something to talk about in the break room and you know he probably walked in and said, “y’all ain’t going to believe this…”

PS. Yes that is 2 right ears. I have to replace them every 2-3 years and carry the old one for grins and giggles. Perhaps I’ll have a warrior necklace in 20 years of all my old ones.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

7 lessons learned from 35+ surgeries over the last 32 years

Written by

In my short life of 40 years, I have been fortunate to have 32 of those years filled with surgeries, physical therapy and an endless pursuit to become the best version of myself. I won’t say it has always been easy or that I never had doubts, but I will say it has been an amazing journey and I thank God every day for allowing me the opportunity to experience things 99% of the world will never face. I cherish the pain and the joy, as I truly believe you can’t have one without the other.

My journey taught me to never fear failure, never fear pain, never fear isolation and never fear uncertainty. In retrospect, the lessons of my journey are applicable to all and I pray my children, as well as your children, can learn from my experiences without having to experience those pains firsthand.

7 Lessons Learned

  1. I learned losing one gift means I need to be more thankful for my other gifts and make the most of every situation, regardless how small or insignificant it may appear. With every setback comes an opportunity to grow. At 8, I was physically unable to use my right arm for 3 years or hold my head up straight. As a result, I learned how to write left handed to finish the 3rd grade. I also learned how to throw left handed, as well as do the daily things such as brushing my hair, brushing my teeth and even buttoning my shirt left handed. Once I regained use of my right arm, both my arms were equally dominant. This became quite an asset when I boxed in college and more importantly, it helped me to realize there is never just one way to do something. It doesn’t mean the new way will be easy, but adapting is what we do best. People underestimate how resilient we are as humans and unfortunately it often takes a major hardship for us to realize our full potential. If you really want to be inspired, read the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt – father/son team that redefined “anything is possible.”
  2. I learned we all have scars, mine just happen to be on the outside. Everyone faces adversity and everyone has insecurities. For some it’s physical (their looks), others it’s financial (lack of money) and some it’s emotional pain (family turmoil). I have learned everyone is dealing with something, some are just better at hiding it and many are just in denial. I strongly believe in the simple CEO aphorism: You either apply pressure or you feel pressure. The key is to take undo stress and apply it towards productive actions. We all feel pain; we just react differently. Recognize pain as growth opportunities and ask yourself during those troubling times “what am I learning from this?”
  3. “The impossible just takes a little longer,” as a hero of mine Art Berg said. Art set a world-record by becoming the first quadriplegic to race an ultra marathon of 325 miles. Perhaps Art and other challenged athletes would have lived ordinary lives of no significance without their disability. Most people in life never attempt life changing events because they’re fearful of failure, lack the confidence in themselves or believe what everyone is telling them. If you always listen to the advice of others, you will always be limited to mediocrity. Believing in yourself and really pushing yourself, refusing to ever quit even when it seems the walls are caving in, you will be amazed what you can do. When you dare to be great you will realize that others will rally to your cause and want to be part of your success. Never be scared to do the impossible.
  4. We don’t get to where we are without help. While some of us have had a harder road to success than others, we have all had a helping hand, a comforting voice and someone who believed we were capable of greatness. It’s easy to confuse our hard work and personal sacrifices as evidence of our self made success but I assure you there has always been someone in the shadows providing support when you weren’t looking (how many prayers have been said on your behalf). As you climb the corporate ladder or attain your inner happiness, reach down and help out those who desperately need a pick me up. The smallest acts of kindness can have the greatest impact.
  5. You realize things worth having require hard work and sacrifice. Dreams are not realized overnight, despite what you see on TV. We never see the years of hard work entrepreneurs, athletes, musicians, etc… that made those dreams come true. Hard work also means you have to give up things you like in order to have what you really want. Unfortunately, you can’t have your cake and eat it too but you can have the important things in your life if you prioritize. Sacrifices are painful but if you embrace pain as part of the journey, you will never see life the same again. People I admire don’t make a big deal of things when they don’t go their way. They accept the good with the bad and keep moving forward. The biggest compliment I was ever paid is when a friend said “Shay, you are so lucky. Things just come easy for you.” I smiled and said “Thank you. I am glad all my hard work behind closed doors makes it look effortless.” If you love what you do, it really isn’t work.
  6. You can’t be complacent with where you are today. It’s human nature to celebrate our achievements and take pride in them. That’s great but you can’t celebrate too long as life will pass you by as others are vying to make a name for themselves. The game of life is a series of races and challenges that last a lifetime with no finish line until we stand before God on judgment day. Fortunately for some and unfortunately for others, no one will remember what you did 10 years ago, 5 years ago or even a month ago. That is what’s great about life. Each day is a new start to be your absolute best. As the Olympian Steve Prefontaine said,”Success isn’t how far you got, but the distance you traveled from where you started.” There is no greater satisfaction than to continually test yourself and work on becoming the best version of yourself. The satisfaction of knowing you can and will get better every year with a focus on self-improvement is something you wish everyone could experience. How much harder would people work if they were guaranteed to get better.
  7. Confidence is powerful. Without it, you will never do what you were created to do. With it, you can do more than you will ever imagine. Imagine if we spent as much time building up people as we do breaking them down. I’m all for tough love, but I’m also for instilling confidence and the will to succeed. I believe Mark Twain captured it best when he said “If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right.” We have the ability to program our brain to achieve or underachieve.

People often ask if I could turn back time, would I do things differently on Aug 4, 1982. I can proudly say no way. Why would I? What have I missed out on in life as a result of my burns? Absolutely nothing. Did I have to work harder than most? Did I experience pain, ridicule, and endless rejection? You bet, but that’s what made me who I am and for that I am all the better. We so easily forget that our biggest disappointments and failures in life give us the greatest blessings. How could I ever trade my experiences that have afforded me an amazing wife, 5 healthy kids and the excitement to wake up each and every day ready to take on what lies ahead. As you reflect on my lessons learned, be careful not to remove all the pains in your loved ones lives as you could be preventing them from experiencing one of God’s miracles. Without pain, we may never know joy.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

3 screws in my head and now you’re saying it’s not medically necessary

Written by

I have 3 screws permanently inserted into my skull. Some even say I have a few screws loose, which is not far from the truth. These screws were drilled into my head to secure my prosthetic ear, a dental implant technology that allows people such as myself to once again have matching ears. The process is quite involved, requiring 2 surgeries and 6 months of healing in between. I’ll spare you the details but essentially I now have 3 Frankenesque knobs sticking through my scalp, that in turn connect to a platinum bar for my prosthetic ear to snap onto. Basically, I’m a life size Mr. Potato Head. It’s not uncommon for my ear to pop off at the most inopportune time – especially while I’m dancing or playing with my kids at the playground. Sometimes it’s actually pretty cool walking around without the ear attached as I’m sure people are thinking it’s just a new piercing fashion. And when I need a good laugh, it’s fun to just leave my ear laying around in public places (gym locker room, hotel pillow – see pic below at Hartsfield Airport TSA screening). You may think that’s cruel but I think God gave me one ear for a reason… and that was to have fun and to show others how to be comfortable in their own skin.

If you can’t laugh at your own imperfections or deformities, life will be pretty miserable

Getting a prosthetic ear at the age of 36, especially after not having a right ear for 28 years, is quite an extensive process to get approved by a health insurer. Fortunately, I was able to work with an amazing doctor, Dr. Koenig, at BlueCross BlueShield of GA (BCBS) who deemed the procedure medically necessary and approved as “in network”. Once the procedure was approved in writing, I scheduled the initial implant surgery and verified with my employer multiple times they were not changing their coverage or carrier prior to my surgery. My surgery was scheduled on the 3rd of August and made sure our renewal on the 1st of August would not impact me. I’m sure our HR Director loved me calling/emailing her so much. Call me paranoid, but I’ve had some crazy stuff happen to me with my 35+ surgeries over the last 32 years. She verified our coverage was not changing so I went ahead with the surgery.

Surgery went great (pic above). I was back home that night resting in my own bed and prepared to be back at work the next day. With the 3 screws embedded in my skull, I was now on the surgery rotation to have the 2nd surgery 6 months later to complete the implant process (the six month period was to allow the implants to integrate with the skull – osseointegration). 7 days after the surgery – 10th of August, I received a letter from an insurance company (not BCBS) notifying me I was now an insured customer.

That’s odd I thought; I haven’t been notified by anyone and our policy renewal had already come and gone.

Interestingly, the letter was dated the 6th of August, 3 days after my surgery. I immediately called my HR director and was notified we had switched carriers. She informed me the decision was made on the 6th but the new carrier was made aware of my surgery on the 3rd. She also informed me it was not uncommon for policy renewal decisions to be made after the renewal date and then coverage backdated to the renewal date once the business terms were agreed upon. Not surprisingly, two weeks later I receive another letter from the new carrier informing me the screws in my head were not preauthorized, were out of network and not covered under my insurance. Shocker!

A messy situation

Tell me if my logic is crazy or was this truly mind blowing. My insurance plan renewed on the 1st and no change was made. I had surgery on the 3rd, old insurance still in effect. I left the hospital on the 3rd, old insurance still in effect. On the 6th, my employer changed health insurance carrier and coverage was backdated to the 1st, 2 days before my surgery. In short, I just had $10,000 of titanium screws permanently drilled into my skull that I had spent the last 6 months getting preapproved as “medical necessity” and now being told I’m financially liable for all the expenses. The new insurance carrier denied the surgery and deemed the procedure as being “out of network” and not a “medical necessity”. After extensive sit downs with my employer, they had the HR Director reach out to the carrier multiple times over the next 3 months. She continuously told me ”don’t worry about it, I’m sure they’ll do the right thing.”

Well guess what, they didn’t. After explaining to my surgeon’s office every month what was happening, the carrier communicated directly to their office via denial of benefits letter that the $10,000 medical bill was my responsibility and that the 2nd surgery would only be covered as “out of network” if their review panel deemed the procedure as medically necessary. All I could think was,

“You’re kidding me, right?“

I have 3 screws permanently attached to my skull and you’re telling me my surgeon has to prove the importance of completing the full procedure. Who in their right mind walks around with random screws sticking out of their head – ok, maybe Frankenstein, but at least he had super human strength. All I wanted was an ear.

Just to reiterate to make sure we’re all on the same page, the day of my surgery, all of my surgeries, as well as the actual prosthetic ear itself were preapproved as “in-network” and I had met my calendar year deductible. With the new carrier, who was selected after my surgery with the policy coverage backdated to before my surgery, I now was on the hook for $20,000 if I had the 2nd surgery and received the prosthetic ear (which I had already been casted for). Had I been told the surgery was not covered prior to getting the implants, I would have postponed the surgery and reviewed my options. With my back against the wall and my employer unwilling to apply leverage with the carrier, I called the Ga Insurance Commission and Department of Labor. I was told by both agencies that although the situation was unfortunate, there was nothing they could do and their advice was to get an attorney involved to see if the carrier’s posturing changed.

Taking matters into my own hands

Armed with their guidance, I sought the advice of my good friend David Decker, who also was an attorney (Decker Law Firm). As a courtesy to me and angered by the bullying of the carrier, he agreed to escalate the situation. David quickly drafted a letter to my employer and to the carrier, putting them all on notice about my situation and how steps for resolution needed to be reached very quickly. This is not the forum for a juicy back and forth legal showdown, but let’s just say it got very interesting… some people’s tempers flared while others recognized this was not personal and we needed to focus on resolving the issues. David is awesome because he is extremely practical and just focuses on amicable resolution (everyone puts a little skin in the game but everyone wins too). After 6 weeks of arm wrestling, the new carrier finally agreed to honor BCBS’s preauthorization and medical necessity determination once I paid my new deductible.

When the dust settled and everyone was paid, I had to come out of pocket an additional $3000 (including legal fees and a new deductible) for surgery I owed $0 when I left the hospital. It was not a perfect ending but was much better than paying $20,000 and at some point you just make the most of a bad situation and move on. I share this experience so others understand just how complicated health insurance can be and how an employer’s decision to switch carriers can have big impacts. Imagine how the surgeon felt. He did his job and did it well and now he was caught in the middle of this insurance showdown – special thanks to Dr. Glen Maron and his staff for their patience and diligence. I would never expect an employer not to switch carriers just because one employee had a unique situation. However, I would expect an employer that is aware of their employee’s situation to communicate what they’re doing and why. It’s amazing how something as simple as communicating can resolve so much. Please know I have no hard feelings towards the carrier or my past employer about this situation, never did. I realize crazy things happen but I expect people to own up to their mistakes or lack of foresight and use their best efforts to resolve the situation and not make excuses. Trust me, I’ve seen it all and you’ll read about more of this in the near future.

Lastly, special thank you to Dr. Koenig of BCBS who actually took the time to read my story and approve the procedure to give me a right ear and an even brighter perspective on life. I only wish he knew how grateful I am of his generosity and how much something as simple as an ear can change someone’s life. He truly made a difference in my life and gave me hope that most people in the health insurance business want to help others.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

A dying Marine showed me how to live

Written by

65 years old, stage 4 pancreatic cancer and this Marine had no regrets nor any bitterness about the cards he had been dealt. Faithful husband, father of 2 grown kids, man of God and he impacted thousands of people with his passion for life. Meet Henry Forrest, one of the original 12 Ironman finishers from 1978 who introduced me to a world with no limits… anything is possible!

I never back down from a challenge

I’ll never forget meeting Henry in November of 2007. I worked in a high-rise in downtown Atlanta and utilized my lunch break to enhance my physique – work on the “gun show” as I used to say. I would throw around heavy weights all in an attempt to increase my chest and biceps, ensuring my manliness was intact. Well… that all came in question when Henry, then 64, approached me in the locker room. He said, “hey tough guy, why don’t you join me and some ladies for my boot camp class.” Intrigued and thinking to myself, does this old timer know who he’s talking to? He obviously didn’t know how much I benched or squatted. I asked, “so what’s involved in this little boot camp class.” Henry responded, “it’s pretty simple, basically all the exercises you did in grade school, pushups, sit-ups, squat thrusts, mountain climbers, nothing too crazy. Shouldn’t be anything for a guy like you with all your muscles.” Really, this 64yr old had to throw that in there? I should have seen the bait but I never back down from a challenge. So I took Henry up on his challenge and walked over to his boot camp class.

He didn’t lie. It was all women, and Henry obviously had no problem wearing spandex and a t-shirt as his standard instructor garb. For reference, Henry still sported a Marine haircut, barrel chested and didn’t look the look of a typical 64 year old man. Class started easy and progressively got worse. In 20 minutes I was in tears and physically unable to complete some of the “core exercises.” I suffered through another 20 minutes until it came time for pushups. I drew a sigh of relief and thought to myself, I’m going to show this old-timer who he’s messing with. No sooner than we started, Henry drops down beside me and starts cranking out set after set of pushups. I couldn’t keep up. He absolutely crushed me and there was nothing I could do. To add insult to injury, he then shouted in my face “pony tail’s are kicking your butt, you better pick it up boy.” All I could muster in response was “yes sir.”

I went home and told my wife the story and committed to her that I’d work myself back into fighting shape. My ego was crushed by a man 30 years older than me. Shortly thereafter I realized he was a retired Marine drill sergeant, one of the original Ironmen from 1978 and still an active triathlete who had recently completed an Ironman. This was no ordinary 64 year old. I started attending his classes 3 days a week for the next 3 months and was back in shape worthy of a new wardrobe. However, during this period Henry became diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and was given 3 months to live. Everyone was devastated but Henry didn’t quit. He made it a year, survived the ‘whipple procedure’ only for it to strike again with a vengeance. How could a man this fit and this full of life have such a deadly disease?

Unfairness in life

He and I became good friends shortly after the initial diagnosis and we shared experiences that had shaped our lives – me being burned as a child and him getting cancer. We talked about the “unfairness” in life and how our reaction to adversity determined the men we had become. We took comfort in each other’s story knowing God had bigger plans for us and it’s not up to us to judge how things appeared. We agreed that we had enjoyed so many blessings how we could we possibly complain. He recounted stories of his military career and how easily it could have been him killed on the battlefield like so many of his friends – one story still imprinted in my head of a friend who accidentally knocked Henry back into the foxhole only to be shot seconds later. He told me of other stories that reinforced just how precious life is and how we should cherish every minute and never take God’s gifts for granted. True to form, Henry continued teaching the boot camp class up until the last weeks of his life, never scared to yell, “don’t you feel sorry for this old man, get your double wides moving.” He was living proof that life can get better with time and our purpose in life should be centered on helping others realize their dreams.

Right before Henry passed, a group of 7 of us fellow boot campers committed to Henry that we would race the next biggest triathlon in his honor, regardless of the distance. That race happened to be a half Ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike and 13.1 mile run). We all spent the next 4 months training our butts off knowing Henry was watching and we couldn’t let him down. It’s amazing how enjoyable the training became, invigorating. It revealed a life where goal setting took on a whole new meaning. We learned the value of focusing on the daily things and never losing sight of our goal. I never would have imagined doing one of these races had it not been for Henry.

Team Henry

Race day came and went. We sported “Team Henry” shirts and know Henry would have been proud. Surprisingly enough, a week after the race our group of 7 gathered to celebrate and tell Henry stories when someone tossed out the idea of doing the Ironman. Long story short, I left the party that night with a registration form to race Ironman Florida just 5 months later. Call it a miracle or an act of God, I raced Ironman Florida on the 1yr anniversary of Henry’s passing. How crazy is that? It was completely unplanned and I had not even pondered the date until I ran into Henry’s daughter the night before the race. I’ll never forget her comment, “daddy will be watching, and he’ll be smiling.”

Six years and 3 kids later (5 total) I am still racing and doing things I never thought possible. I truly believe Henry was placed in my life for a reason and I’m so thankful my heart and my ego were open to his message. His words of wisdom have carried beyond triathlons and into my career. This day reminds me of all those who have selflessly given of themselves so that the rest of us can enjoy our freedoms and pursue our goals. I could never repay all those who have served and hope they know my family is eternally grateful.

In the words of Henry Forrest: “The hotter the heat, the stronger the steel.”

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.