Three Golden Ironman secrets that increased my income and made me a better father

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Ironman, a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile marathon, all completed within 17 hours… and brag rights for the rest of your life. Seems unfathomable to most and a distinction less than 1% of the population can boast. The sport attracts all walks of life, from former collegiate greats to military elitists to America’s Biggest Loser to triple amputees, all bound by the same rules and cutoff times. Every racer has a story; some to overcome a life changing event, others to continue their lifetime fitness and some to simple prove ‘anything is possible.’

The 3 Golden Principles

Any Ironman finisher will agree; master the sport and you will master the game of life. As someone who went from a recreational boot camp fitness class to a 4x Ironman and Ironman World Championship finisher in 4 years, along with being a father of 5 under 8, I can safely say anyone can master the 3 golden principles that have changed my life forever.

  1. Train your brain. Focus on positive things that yield long term success.
  2. Shape your reality. Concentrate on what you can gain as opposed to what you’ve lost.
  3. Do the daily things. Be diligent in doing the small things that will help achieve your goals.

Train your brain.

The brain is the most powerful tool available to us yet it didn’t come with instructions. Sadly, no one teaches us how to fully use all the potential of our brain; they just teach us how to do tasks that require cognitive skill building. Most of us realize our brain determines what we can achieve in life, physically and emotionally, but we have no clue how to train our brain to achieve. We simply believe the emotions and limitations we experience are barriers that can’t be controlled – they’re genetic. Most limitations can be overcome simply by reprogramming your brain, more specifically your RAS, reticular activating system. It’s a powerful portion of your brain that also controls sleep, walking, sex, eating, and consciousness. But more importantly, it also filters out things that it believes are dangerous (such as loud noises). In short, RAS brings you more of what you want as opposed to what you don’t want. For example, when you bought a new car how many of those cars did you see on your way home or on the way to work the next week? Those cars didn’t suddenly appear on the streets. They’ve been there all along and now that you have a personal connection with that car, your brain brings you every image of those cars (removes the filters). Your brain processes millions of images per minute and filters out the ones that don’t have special meaning to you. As you begin to identify or learn about factors that impact success, the brain removes more of those success enhancing filters and allows you to seize opportunities that otherwise would have went unnoticed.

How do I use RAS to achieve success? I focus only on positive things, things that will bring me success. I read nothing but stories of rags to riches, books on adversity – Ernest Shackleton is by far my favorite. I refuse to watch depressing movies – Cinderalla Man a great example of picking yourself up when everything around you is crumbling. I know suffering exists in the world and I don’t need to watch movies to be reminded. I firmly believe that watching and reading story after story on beating the odds, I have programmed my brain (RAS) that any situation can be overcome. My brain now has a repository of success stories that it can draw from when, not if, I find myself in such a situation.

Shape your reality.

Life isn’t fair and often times the cards we are dealt in life are less than ideal. When we look at others, it’s easy to see that others appear to have it made. Trust me, we all have challenges, just some are more obvious than others. Mine was being severely burned at 8. I dealt with kids calling me Freddie Krueger and was even convinced I looked like the dreaded monster. No matter how many times my parents kept telling me “it will get better” the scars were a constant reminder that better wouldn’t mean “back to normal.” After years of dealing with my disfiguration, I finally embraced my scars and said I would use that experience to become a great athlete. I realized that although I had lost the gift of touch and grace due to the physical range of motion limitations, I had gained a tremendous pain threshold and a desire to prove everyone wrong. With my new reality, I realized sports that required an all-out mano e mano effort, last man standing, would be the perfect sport. I excelled at wrestling, All-American in high school, undefeated boxer in college and now 2x All-American triathlete and 4x member of Team USA. I am definitely not a great athlete but I am a great competitor. I am willing to do the hard work that most don’t have to do because of pure talent. Doing the hard work has provided me the mental fortitude to know and believe that I will never give up. I am willing to endure pain if it will produce long term success. I understand that success doesn’t happen overnight but rather it is a culmination of doing the right things day in and day out.

How did I shape my reality? I accepted my scars and even thought of them as badges of honor. If you know the story of Freddie Krueger, you’ll appreciate my adaptation. When kids would reply, “you look like Freddie,” I in turn would reply “why yes I do, and I will see you in your dreams tonight.” When I wrestled, I made sure my competitor saw my scars. I wanted them to think “look at that guy, what the heck happened to him. If he has all those scars, he must not be scared of pain.” In short, I used my deformities to my advantage. Rightfully so, I assumed I must have been given these scars for a reason so I better make the best of them. As soon as I quit focusing on losing my right ear and all the scars and started focusing on a recovery plan, my life changed. I was no longer confused. My life had clarity and I had a sense of direction and belongingness. It was a choice I made and one we all can make.

Do the daily things.

Ironman or life dreams in general seem insurmountable when contemplated in whole. However, if you think about Ironman as a series of weekly progressions, it’s more than doable. Step 1 involved getting a plan, a daily plan that mapped out every workout from day 1 until race day. The same is true with life. If you have a specific goal in mind, you need a daily action plan that if executed, would help you be successful. To quote my buddy Zig Zigler, “you don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” His common analogy is taking a vacation. We all have a destination in mind when we pack the car and leave for vacation. We all know that in order to reach our destination and enjoy our trip we have to pack accordingly and take the specific roads that lead to our vacation destination. Taking a vacation required an entire series of actions that started from picking a specific date to picking a destination and reserving lodging to saving the money to pay for the trip to requesting time off from work to eventually packing the car and hitting the highway. Success, and finishing an Ironman, doesn’t just happen by itself. It starts with having an action plan and then executing the daily things.

How did I do the daily things? First thing I did was buy the book ‘Be Iron Fit’ by Don Fink. The book mapped out a 30 week program that if followed precisely, guaranteed a competitive finish. I didn’t fast forward to week 28 and look at the workout; I looked only at week 1 day 1. I asked myself, “can I run 15 minutes and bike 30 minutes?” Sure I could. After completing day 1, I turned my attention to day 2 and asked myself “can I run 20 minutes and bike 40 minutes?” Sure I could. Guess what? 30 weeks later, by simply doing the daily things, I was in Ironman shape. I not only finished the Ironman but I finished my first Ironman in the top 20% of finishers. Not bad for someone who 30 weeks prior wasn’t even running.

The result?

These 3 simple steps enabled me to become the father I always wanted to be. As a father, I want to influence and shape my kids into responsible and happy adults though I secretly pray they stay this age forever. I realized that in order for me to be a successful father and install attributes they will need later in life, I have to spend quality time with my kids. Like my training, it’s about quality over quantity. Watching TV with them is nice but teaching them how to ride a bicycle, baking cookies for firemen or delivering Christmas baskets to the needy is more impactful. Every year I map out specific goals I want to achieve as a father, specific to each kid, and commit my energies towards those.

In conjunction with being a great father, I also have to provide for my 5 kids which required me to be successful in my career. When I made the commitment to being an Ironman in 2009, I made the same commitment in my career. I wanted to be successful and mapped out what it would take to make it happen. It was a big decision as it required me to change industries. With my MBA, I had believed that I was destined for a life in finance or operations. After evaluating the market conditions in 2008 and my skill sets, I realized I could create my own destiny in sales and shape my new reality. 5 years later, I’m enjoying the success I had envisioned and I still love going to work every day. I have the satisfaction of knowing I’m doing what it takes to provide for my family and being the father I need to be.

Evaluate where you are in life, where you want to be and consider these 3 secrets to see how you can apply them daily. Through Ironman, I have learned the value of goal setting and time management, the secret to all success. I try to focus my efforts on achieving what I want as opposed to what I don’t want. Mapping out what you want will help you identify wasted efforts. Knowing each day you’re working towards achieving your life dreams will bring a sense of accomplishment you never knew existed.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

A dying Marine showed me how to live

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65 years old, stage 4 pancreatic cancer and this Marine had no regrets nor any bitterness about the cards he had been dealt. Faithful husband, father of 2 grown kids, man of God and he impacted thousands of people with his passion for life. Meet Henry Forrest, one of the original 12 Ironman finishers from 1978 who introduced me to a world with no limits… anything is possible!

I never back down from a challenge

I’ll never forget meeting Henry in November of 2007. I worked in a high-rise in downtown Atlanta and utilized my lunch break to enhance my physique – work on the “gun show” as I used to say. I would throw around heavy weights all in an attempt to increase my chest and biceps, ensuring my manliness was intact. Well… that all came in question when Henry, then 64, approached me in the locker room. He said, “hey tough guy, why don’t you join me and some ladies for my boot camp class.” Intrigued and thinking to myself, does this old timer know who he’s talking to? He obviously didn’t know how much I benched or squatted. I asked, “so what’s involved in this little boot camp class.” Henry responded, “it’s pretty simple, basically all the exercises you did in grade school, pushups, sit-ups, squat thrusts, mountain climbers, nothing too crazy. Shouldn’t be anything for a guy like you with all your muscles.” Really, this 64yr old had to throw that in there? I should have seen the bait but I never back down from a challenge. So I took Henry up on his challenge and walked over to his boot camp class.

He didn’t lie. It was all women, and Henry obviously had no problem wearing spandex and a t-shirt as his standard instructor garb. For reference, Henry still sported a Marine haircut, barrel chested and didn’t look the look of a typical 64 year old man. Class started easy and progressively got worse. In 20 minutes I was in tears and physically unable to complete some of the “core exercises.” I suffered through another 20 minutes until it came time for pushups. I drew a sigh of relief and thought to myself, I’m going to show this old-timer who he’s messing with. No sooner than we started, Henry drops down beside me and starts cranking out set after set of pushups. I couldn’t keep up. He absolutely crushed me and there was nothing I could do. To add insult to injury, he then shouted in my face “pony tail’s are kicking your butt, you better pick it up boy.” All I could muster in response was “yes sir.”

I went home and told my wife the story and committed to her that I’d work myself back into fighting shape. My ego was crushed by a man 30 years older than me. Shortly thereafter I realized he was a retired Marine drill sergeant, one of the original Ironmen from 1978 and still an active triathlete who had recently completed an Ironman. This was no ordinary 64 year old. I started attending his classes 3 days a week for the next 3 months and was back in shape worthy of a new wardrobe. However, during this period Henry became diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and was given 3 months to live. Everyone was devastated but Henry didn’t quit. He made it a year, survived the ‘whipple procedure’ only for it to strike again with a vengeance. How could a man this fit and this full of life have such a deadly disease?

Unfairness in life

He and I became good friends shortly after the initial diagnosis and we shared experiences that had shaped our lives – me being burned as a child and him getting cancer. We talked about the “unfairness” in life and how our reaction to adversity determined the men we had become. We took comfort in each other’s story knowing God had bigger plans for us and it’s not up to us to judge how things appeared. We agreed that we had enjoyed so many blessings how we could we possibly complain. He recounted stories of his military career and how easily it could have been him killed on the battlefield like so many of his friends – one story still imprinted in my head of a friend who accidentally knocked Henry back into the foxhole only to be shot seconds later. He told me of other stories that reinforced just how precious life is and how we should cherish every minute and never take God’s gifts for granted. True to form, Henry continued teaching the boot camp class up until the last weeks of his life, never scared to yell, “don’t you feel sorry for this old man, get your double wides moving.” He was living proof that life can get better with time and our purpose in life should be centered on helping others realize their dreams.

Right before Henry passed, a group of 7 of us fellow boot campers committed to Henry that we would race the next biggest triathlon in his honor, regardless of the distance. That race happened to be a half Ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike and 13.1 mile run). We all spent the next 4 months training our butts off knowing Henry was watching and we couldn’t let him down. It’s amazing how enjoyable the training became, invigorating. It revealed a life where goal setting took on a whole new meaning. We learned the value of focusing on the daily things and never losing sight of our goal. I never would have imagined doing one of these races had it not been for Henry.

Team Henry

Race day came and went. We sported “Team Henry” shirts and know Henry would have been proud. Surprisingly enough, a week after the race our group of 7 gathered to celebrate and tell Henry stories when someone tossed out the idea of doing the Ironman. Long story short, I left the party that night with a registration form to race Ironman Florida just 5 months later. Call it a miracle or an act of God, I raced Ironman Florida on the 1yr anniversary of Henry’s passing. How crazy is that? It was completely unplanned and I had not even pondered the date until I ran into Henry’s daughter the night before the race. I’ll never forget her comment, “daddy will be watching, and he’ll be smiling.”

Six years and 3 kids later (5 total) I am still racing and doing things I never thought possible. I truly believe Henry was placed in my life for a reason and I’m so thankful my heart and my ego were open to his message. His words of wisdom have carried beyond triathlons and into my career. This day reminds me of all those who have selflessly given of themselves so that the rest of us can enjoy our freedoms and pursue our goals. I could never repay all those who have served and hope they know my family is eternally grateful.

In the words of Henry Forrest: “The hotter the heat, the stronger the steel.”

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Are we too old to pursue dreams? The Iron Nun says NO!

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Are we too old to pursue dreams? The Iron Nun begs to differ. You don’t know the infamous Iron Nun? Sister Madonna Buder is an 83-year old Ironman triathlete who holds the distinction as being the oldest woman to complete an Ironman – a 2.4 mile open water swim with 2,000 of your closest friends, followed by a nondrafting 112 mile bike ride with a 26.2 mile marathon to finish it off, all within 17 hours. Sister Madonna started competing in Ironman at the ripe age of 55, an age when many are considering retirement options and dreaming of playing multiple rounds of golf during the work week. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Sister Madonna at multiple triathlon races; her personality and spirit just radiate life. I’ll never forget her comment at the prerace dinner at the 2012 Ironman World Championships when asked why she was still racing. “I couldn’t let the men go unchecked (referring to Lew Hollander, 82 year old male racing). Someone had to represent the women.” Can you imagine your grandmother talking trash? That was AWESOME! I want to be competitive like Sister Madonna when I get that age. How many 83 year old people would be happy just to walk around the mall, much less complete one of the hardest one day endurance events in the World?

Pursuing our dreams

As kids, we all had dreams and everyone encouraged us to pursue them. I wanted to be a professional athlete and play for the Steelers – loved Mean Joe Greene. We were asked constantly “What do you want be when you grow up? What are your dreams?” Many of us had posters in our rooms that said “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them – Walt Disney.” If pursuing dreams were so important as a kid why do we suddenly abandon those pursuits when we graduate college, get married or have children? Who said achieving those milestones and pursuing your dreams are mutually exclusive? Why can’t we have our cake and eat it too? I believe we can if we have the dedication to commit and the perseverance to make it happen. We should pursue our dreams even if we will never hit them.

It is the pursuit that motivates us, gives us the energy and zest to welcome the challenges of each day.

We all know paychecks don’t always make us happy, although they sure help relieve stress. How much more complete would your life be if you were successful at work and pursued childhood dreams at the same time?

We all have excuses and that’s just what they are. I didn’t say it would be easy but I guarantee it will show you a life you never imagined possible. If there’s one thing I love about Ironman it’s that everyone has a story and you meet some of the most inspirational people in the world. Rajesh Durbal is definitely one of those people. He was born missing bones in both legs and partially developed in one arm. At the age of 1, both legs were amputated, rendering him a triple amputee. It didn’t stop Raj. At the age of 30, he became the first triple amputee to complete an Ironman and beat many full bodied athletes. He is a competitor at heart and you can see in his smile that he is pursuing his dreams daily. Don’t even get me started on the Dick and Rick Hoyt story. If you need motivation, just look around. They’re out there every day beating the pavement, making their dreams come true.

I have always been competitive in sports but I too gave into the worldly belief that I had to sacrifice everything to be successful at work. My fitness morphed even further after getting married and having kids. I had a great excuse… I was busy. Who isn’t? I was busy… busy wasting time that could be diverted to feeding the competitive spirit I craved and the completeness from pursuing something bigger. I can personally attest that my life has never been the same since I completed my first Ironman. I am in better shape at 40 than I was at 22 – I weigh less now that I did at 19 (we won’t talk about hair lines). I am more successful at work now than ever and feel the secrets of success have slowly been revealed the more I pursue my dreams. I have made some tradeoffs to achieve my triathlon goals (mainly tv) but my marriage of 11 years and 5 kids have never been sacrificed. I get up every morning at 4am and complete my workouts before work and during lunch breaks. I keep a workout bag in my trunk and never turn down 20 minutes to work out. I also travel 2-3 days a week for work and have never found a hotel I couldn’t get in a solid workout.

We’re never too old… anything is possible! Did I mention I have never beat my 60 year friend in a triathlon? He is #1 in his age group in the World though. My goal is to beat him before he turns 83.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Embracing the suck, World Championship, USAT magazine cover

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News flash: Life’s not fair. Doing your best doesn’t always mean you’ll be successful and good doesn’t always triumph over evil. All of us overachievers wake up every morning convinced if we just outwork our peers we will climb the corporate ladder. Those of us with fancy degrees (MBA, PHD) are convinced we’re the smartest guys/gals in the room. But guess what, the game of life places a heavy emphasis on chance. As we all know, sometimes being in the right place at the right time outweighs experience or education. However, being in the right place at the right time is often dictated by our work ethic and commitment to never quit, despite the road ahead. I have learned in life, in marriage, in fatherhood and in business that my greatest successes usually came after what some called my biggest failures. I pause and ask, “What is failure?” To me, it’s the refusal to try again. The good Colonel Sanders taught me that sometimes it takes over 1,000 “no’s” to get the 1 “yes” that changes your life forever.

I am an avid triathlete and take the sport seriously. I have never considered myself a great athlete, but I am one hell of a competitor. I have done well in sports throughout the years, mainly because I trained smart and spent a great deal of time training my brain to focus on pushing through the wall, “embracing the suck” as we affectionately say in Ironman. As I tell everyone who is training for their first Ironman, it’s pretty easy. Just follow the instructions and do the daily workouts. Don’t look at what you have to do in 30 weeks, just focus on tomorrow’s workout and then each workout every day after that. Guess what, in 30 weeks you’re an Ironman. The physical preparation is easy, it’s the mental preparation where many fall short. Most athletes and business people completely fall apart when their podium training plan falls apart mid race or they’re skipped over for a promotion at work. Sadly, that’s life. Rarely do things ever work out just like we planned and that’s why we need to always be prepared to do what it takes to make our dreams come to fruition.

World Championships 2011

I had qualified for Team USA to compete in the ITU Long Course World Championships by placing 6 in my Age Group at the National Championships. I trained religiously for 9 months and was in peak fitness. I showed up for the even convinced I had the ability to place top 25. As luck had it, a rare winter storm hit Vegas and outside temp was 37 degrees with 10mph winds, making the 4KM open water swim guaranteed hypothermia. The race directors cancelled the swim which was disappointing, yet it also increased my chances of placing higher since swimming was by far my biggest weakness. I was convinced now that I stood a chance of placing top 15 – in the World! The race then proceeds minus the swim leg and we’re off, fighting to see who’s the fastest on the 120KM bike and then a 30KM run on the world’s toughest course.

Embrace the suck

10 miles into the bike ride I get a flat tire. I have never flatted in a race before. I stayed calm and changed the tire quickly and was back in the mix, retaking those that had passed me. 5 miles later the tire was flat again only this time I didn’t have another tube. I used some CO2 cartridge to re-air the tire every 5 miles before exhausting my supply, saddled with a flat tire at mile 50 – 25 miles short of the bike finish line. A race fan offered assistance to the finish line, which would have disqualified me from the race and I have NEVER not finished a race, NEVER. I gave the fan my wife’s phone number and said “please tell Brooke I’m ok but I’ll be late, but I will be there.” It was then that my mental training took over – “embrace the suck.” I took off my cycling shoes and put them on the ends of my aero bars. Road cycling shoes were not designed for running, much less 25 miles. I ran the next 6 miles barefoot pushing my bike, the whole time thinking there was no way I couldn’t not finish. How would I tell my kids, only 2 at the time, that their daddy didn’t get them a medal (these events have pretty nice finishers’ medals). By sheer miracle, I encountered another racer who had ripped his tire but his tube was intact. He offered up his tube and I was back in business with 19 miles of biking left before I would have to run 30KM (18.6 miles) on an extremely hilly course, not to mention my feet were extremely bruised and battered from running the 6 miles barefoot. Needless to say, I finished the race and kept my finishers streak intact (still managed to beat a few racers). It seemed like the perfect end to an epic journey except for some reason the race organizers forgot to order medals. How is that possible, this is the World Championships?

USAT Magazine Cover

Fast forward 2 months and I receive a phone call from the CEO of USA Triathlon Rob Urbach. He was deeply apologetic and explained the situation around the mishap. I was taken aback by his honesty and compassion to do the right thing. As we talked, I explained that I wasn’t upset because I didn’t receive a medal but rather because the medal was cherished by my children. It was also a token of the commitment I have made to demonstrate to my children that we are “doers” not “talkers.” At the conclusion of our chat, Rob said someone from his staff would be calling in a few days and he had an idea. Well… a couple months later I’m a cover story in their magazine in the Olympic preview issue. What’s even more amazing is that the release of the article coincided with a nationwide contest I was in to compete in the Ironman World Championships. Long story short, the magazine proved to be one of a few miracles that sent me to compete at Kona, the Ironman World Championships in 2012 – a life dream that over 90,000 people compete for 1900 slots.

Looking back, who would have thought a flat tire at the ITU World Championships would be a blessing in disguise. Who would have thought, going from believing you’ll finish in the top 15 in the race to having to run 6 miles barefoot to finishing 3 from last would have landed me a cover story in USAT magazine. That’s the beauty of life. You never know and you never will know if you give up. Life’s not fair but I can tell you that persistence and the commitment to never give up ALWAYS produces long term results.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.