5 Steps to Confidence: From burn survivor to top 5% ranked Ironman Athlete

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One of the greatest gifts you can give a child or anyone for that matter is confidence. It’s not easily bestowed. It is acquired through years of experience, both successes and failures. I’m a believer there is no better life teacher than losing. Trust me, I’ve done my share of losing and absolutely hate it. I’m a gracious loser but I will go to any length to insure I don’t experience those feelings of coming up short. But one thing I learned early is that I’ll never be competitive in anything if I don’t believe in myself first. Adhering to the 5 steps to confidence building below, I have realized accomplishments that include All American designation, top 5% Ironman All World Athlete ranking, 4x Team USA Athlete as well as competing in over 7 world triathlon championship events.

5 Steps to Confidence

  1. Be able to envision yourself winning. Dreaming is the process of training your mind how to allow your body to do what needs to be done. Your dreams should be about running the last 6 miles at negative splits or catching the winning touchdown pass.
  2. Focus on being the best you can be and don’t compare yourself to others. We all have different skill sets and those skill sets have different uses in different stages of our life. Make the most of what you’ve got.
  3. Take care of the basics that will help you take advantage of your life dream when it presents itself. UCLA coaching legend John Wooden in his unprecedented 10 NCAA championships began every practice by teaching his athletes how to put on their socks and tie their shoes.
  4. Celebrate the journey. So many get caught up in pursing their goals and they completely miss the enjoyment of pushing their mind and body to the limits. The aches, pains, discomfort and euphoria from achieving new personal bests are indescribable.
  5. Always be able to laugh at yourself. You are going to make mistakes and people are always watching. If you can laugh at yourself, others will think nothing of it. If you can’t, life will be pretty miserable.

Starting at ground zero

Believing in myself is not something that came easily. As a burn survivor (full story link) with scars over 65% of my body, I had believed what strangers kept telling me on a daily basis – that I was a handicapped kid who would never lead a normal life, much less return to being a competitive athlete. All I had to do was look in the mirror every morning to be reminded of this reality. The reality was further imprinted in my head when I tried to lift my right arm, which was physically melted to my side for 3 years, and realized I couldn’t throw a ball or even write with my right hand to do homework. The severe scar tissue on my neck prevented me from holding my head upright and made turning my head to the left a subject of my bedtime prayers. With this harsh reality, confidence was not the first emotion running through my head but I knew things had to change if I ever wanted to be happy.

Prior to getting burned at 8, I was a good athlete. A fast runner with good head/eye coordination and the right balance of aggression, I was always one of the first picked for playground activities. After the injury, I was the absolute last, basically the kid the coach always positions where they can have the least impact on the game. To this day, I remember the lineup process at recess where the 2 captains started calling off name after name in order of preference of who they wanted on their team. My selection was always an implied ‘I guess we have no other options, we’ll take Shay.’ Being the last pick, I always told myself ‘now is your chance to prove them wrong. Show them they made a mistake.’ But unfortunately, with my physical limitations and still inner belief that I wasn’t of equal skill, I lived up to their expectations – dropping the pass with no one even covering me or kicking the ball to the pitcher for an easy groundout. Confidence? What is that? Definitely not something a burn survivor who could barely dress himself possessed… at least for now.

Over the next 3 years I underwent over 10 additional surgeries and countless hours of physical therapy to allow me to almost regain full use of my right arm and neck. It was then, now a 5th grader, the power of CONFIDENCE began to grow in me. I was introduced to wrestling, a sport where I would be competing against fellow athletes of the same size and age – mano a mano, toughest man/boy wins. No timeouts to stop the clock and slow down your competitor’s momentum. No teammates to protect you when your competitor has you on your back. You’re on an island all alone and there’s only one way out – fight with everything you got!

I instantly fell in love with the sport. I had a platform to prove I was not handicapped, but to the contrary, I was a competitive athlete. I use the term ‘athlete’ loosely as I have never considered myself an athlete.

I am not a great athlete but I am one hell of a competitor.

As I began to rack up victory after victory, I realized I had what it took all along to be a competitive athlete, the will to overcome. Buried beneath all those layers of scars was a fire that had been stoked. All I had to do was believe in myself – and focus on doing the small things every day to enhance my abilities. I had a very successful wrestling career in high school but more importantly it gave me the confidence to attack any situation with ferocity and complete abandonment of the fear of failure.

I leveraged this new found CONFIDENCE into my career and Ironman triathlon competitions. In just 6 years, I earned a top 5% Ironman All World Athlete ranking and multiple All American designations. How did I do this? Was it superior genetics? Not at all. If you consider the fact I can’t sweat on 1/3 of my body, prone to severe dehydration, arthritis in both knees, plate and 7 screws in my left leg, missing 1” of cartilage in my right knee and 2 torn rotator cuffs, I am hardly the ideal prototype.

It was the belief that ‘I could’ and the drive to prove ‘I will.’

It all starts with believing with all your heart that you can and then doing the small things to prepare you for achieving your dreams.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

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Mr. Potato Head taught me, ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but …’

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Being successful in life requires a sense of humor. Let’s be honest, the world is full of hurtful people who want nothing more than to bring you down and crush your dreams. Often times it’s because of their own insecurities and need to be validated by others. As kids, we are taught to ignore the hurtful words of others. In theory it’s great, but we all know it’s not quite as easy to practice.

Reality check… life is tough and people will say and do things to hurt you. The sooner you accept that the easier life is.

Many aren’t aware of the impact of their comments and actions while others simply don’t care and have no filter.

Kids can be cruel

I learned as a kid the importance of believing in yourself and not relying on the opinions of others to determine your self-worth and I am thankful for that hard lesson. I distinctly remember as an 8yr old schoolmates whispering behind my back about my burn scars. Trust me, you know when people are staring and talking about you. Then there were those more brazen who would call me Freddy Krueger to my face, in tribute to Wes Craven’s main character from ‘Nightmare on Elm Street.’

Then there were the hundreds of kids, and even adults, who would stare at me and make comments such as “ewww gross mommy, look at him.” Unless you’ve been in that situation, it’s hard to comprehend what it’s like for people to stare at you everywhere you go… and I mean everywhere – school, church, restaurant, movies, grocery store, etc…

There comes a time in your life, as it did for me, that you finally realize you have 2 options:

  1. Do nothing. Feel sorry for yourself and avoid going to public places. Play the victim card and fear change.
  2. Do something. Accept reality and learn to embrace your shortcomings. Commit to being the best version of yourself.

Acceptance

With the help of months of crying myself to sleep and praying for the scars to go away, I came to terms with the permanent nature of my scars. Call it faith or social evolution, I learned I needed to adopt a sense of humor about my scars if I wanted to be successful and have any hopes of living a normal life. I realized things wouldn’t change overnight nor would anyone do it for me. The evolution of my acceptance is no small feat and required years, even decades, of refinement. It’s a constant balance between overplaying your acceptance (and practical jokes) with being humble and thankful for your blessings. I have learned to just be myself and not worry what everyone else thinks. People respect genuineness and admire those that are comfortable in their own skin.

There will always be haters and I can’t control what they think so why bother. I learned to live for me and focus on my happiness.

From age 8-35 I had no right ear, not even a hint of one. You wouldn’t believe how many times people, often times kids my age, would come up and say “hey, you have no ear, where’d it go?” Finally, I started saying “what do you mean?” Then they’d point at it, or where it should be, and say “your right ear. It’s missing.” Continuing the role play, I’d reach up and feign shock and say “oh my gosh, where is it? You have to help me find it.” That story line never gets old and was best played out at a neighborhood swimming pool where I had kids diving into the deep end for 20 minutes believing it was stuck on the drain.

Evolution of Mr. Potato Head

At 35, I received a prosthetic right ear that literally snaps onto a metal bar that is anchored by permanent screws that are drilled into my head. As a result, I’m officially known as Mr. Potato Head by those who work in my industry and have witnessed it popping off at inopportune times. The beauty of meeting new people is they don’t know your story and form opinions quickly – i.e. the 2 ears on your head are real and won’t fall off while we’re talking, etc… For the most part those assumptions hold true unless I’m introduced to a dance floor. I absolutely love my dancing and always game for showing off my mad skills regardless of the venue. Most recently, I was working the floor in a dance off at an HFMA event in Atlantic City. Not to brag, but I owned the floor. I gave it everything I had and finished with a nice backspin – throwback to my 80’s upbringing. As I walked off the floor, fully expecting to receive applause and chants of ‘we want more’, instead I was faced with dead silence. I was stunned and thought what more could they possible want. It was then that a colleague pointed to the dance floor and said “your ear is still on the dance floor.” Not missing a beat, I strolled out onto the floor, grabbed the lonely prosthetic ear and quickly snapped it back into place. Needless to say, I don’t think the audience was prepared for an ear to pop off one of the dance competitors. I say competitors because everything is always a competition or at least to me. I believe you do everything with 100% of your ability and never hold back. I never do anything half ass and rest easy at night knowing if I lose any of my abilities I will never have regrets for not using them fully.

32 years removed from my injury, I think the single biggest accelerator for my healing and resuming a meaningful and fulfilling life is due to embracing my situation and learning to laugh at myself. Time continues to reinforce my mantra – age has a unique way of forcing us all to come to terms with our shortcomings and learning to focus on the things we can impact and not losing sleep over those things we can’t. I would like to issue a formal apology to the TSA agent working the security scanner at the Hartsfield Atlanta Airport when I decided to pull my latest prank. I can assure you it gave him something to talk about in the break room and you know he probably walked in and said, “y’all ain’t going to believe this…”

PS. Yes that is 2 right ears. I have to replace them every 2-3 years and carry the old one for grins and giggles. Perhaps I’ll have a warrior necklace in 20 years of all my old ones.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

A Breast Implant in my neck?

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As a man, I thought I’d never have to consider having a breast implant put in my body, much less in my neck. Leave it to modern medicine to change that notion. Breast implants are essentially tissue expanders, silicone balloon like devices inserted under the skin to stretch and grow new skin. Tissue expanders are most commonly known for breast reconstruction, but they have also gained popularity for use in burn survivors. As a burn survivor, this concept was advocated in 1989 for the treatment and remedy of the severe scar contractures in my neck. The belief was a sizable tissue expander (insert breast implant) would be inserted under my unburned skin on the left side of my neck. Over a period of 2 months the tissue expander would be inflated to full capacity, basically a softball projecting from my neck (see sample pic below). After the expander was fully inflated, it was believed it could be removed and the excess skin could be stretched to the right side of neck, thus allowing for the removal of about 7” of restrictive burn scar tissue.

This methodology had achieved miraculous results in other burn survivors. I distinctly remember seeing one kid who had 2 of these, though little smaller in size, inserted in the top of his head. Lucky or unlucky for him the location of these expanders made him resemble Mickey Mouse once fully inflated. For this particular kid, they were able to replace 4” of his scalp that was ridden with burn scars with fully normal skin. When finished, he had a normal hair line again. Utterly amazing. There were other comparable success stories that made this procedure seem like a perfect fit for me. One thing that couldn’t be predicted was my skin’s inelasticity and keloid scarring.

The Procedure

Inserting the tissue expander required the surgeon to cut me from ear to ear and then back to my left clavicle – basically a large sideways V across my entire neck. The expander was positioned directly in the center of the left side of my neck with a port buried under the skin beneath my left ear. The port was where they would insert a syringe and inject salt water in the expander every week. The resulting incision scar rivaled those of Frankenstein. You can only imagine the stares I received returning to high school, a freshman at that. It was almost comical the stories that circulated. The best was probably the story of me riding a motorcycle in a pasture and accidentally running into a barbed wire fence. Story has it that my head was almost severed from my neck but by some miracle I was able to hold it together and ride back to safety. I’m not sure how the story was propagated but I could have had some influence.

Over the years, I have learned you need to embrace your shortcomings and be able to laugh at yourself. If you can’t laugh at yourself, life will be pretty miserable.

Over the next 8 weeks, I would go to a plastic surgeon and have him insert copious amounts of salt water into the tissue expander. Each time, the expander was inflated to the point of discomfort and borderline unmanageable, feeling like my skin was going to explode at any minute. After a couple of days, the skin would stretch and the discomfort would go away just in time to have the next series of injections. I endured this routine for 8 weeks. Besides the pain of having a balloon stretching your neck, I also had to be careful not to do anything that would cause the expander to bust – i.e. wrestling with friends, falling down riding my bike or getting hit with a basketball. Busting a tissue expander is not a common phenomenon but there were stories of them breaking and the fragmented pieces being circulated in the body – one such incident required open heart surgery to remove from a patient’s heart. Surprisingly and obviously not my brightest decision in life, I would often play basketball during our lunch recess thinking I was safe since all I was going to do was post up and take a few shots. That careless thinking came to end after a ball was deflected and hit me square in the neck. I remember going home that afternoon, obviously not saying a word to my parents of my stupidity, and thinking the expander would start leaking fluid into my body while I slept, making the surgery a complete failure. Luckily God was just reminding me of my stupidity and gave me a 2nd chance. As a kid who has underwent many a surgery, the hardest part of recovery has always been refraining from physical activity. I think my inability to sit still as an adult is a direct result of being told as a kid for months on end that I couldn’t do anything. If you’re like me, tell me I can’t do something and I want to do it even more. Fortunately, it seems my kids have inherited that trait as well.

Right or wrong, the inability to be distracted from what you want in life is something I think everyone should pursue. I call that PASSION.

It’s all about perspective

Life is so interesting. Everything is always a matter of perspective and I think we should remind ourselves more often. As some of my friends say, many of our problems are ‘first world problems.’ My peers were worried about pimples, bad hair or their feet looking too big and here I had a softball protruding from my neck. Needless to say, everywhere I went people stared and did double takes. Let’s be honest, it’s not every day you see a big softball sticking out of someone’s neck. I could tell many people were confused and unable to process what they were seeing. I had to keep reminding myself it was temporary and the long term benefit far outweighed the pain and discomfort – or so I thought.

After 2 months of pure misery and constant anticipation of enjoying a life without the scars limiting my neck mobility, the day finally came. I had envisioned in my head what it would look like with normal skin on both sides of my neck. I had envisioned being able to turn my head in both directions without my right eye and mouth pulling down. I envisioned being able to hear again out of my right ear when I turned my head to the left. In hindsight, perhaps the surgeon should have given me more tempered expectations but if he had I’m not so sure I would have agreed to the procedure. This was truly sold as a life changing event as it had been for so many other burn survivors. I saw the lives of those who were transformed and knew there’s a risk to any surgery.

Unfortunately, the surgery and overall procedure was not as successful as what they anticipated. It was estimated roughly 7” of scar tissue could be removed from my neck. Instead, less than 2” was removed. The surgeon was baffled at my skin’s inelasticity. There were no complications during the surgery and all the injections/inflation of the expander were performed as scheduled. In short, we were left with a medical mystery. No one could explain why my skin didn’t stretch like everyone else. Some things in life just can’t be explained or predicted and that was what I was left with. All in all, I was now left with a permanent scar that went from ear to ear and back to my clavicle with no distinguishable improvement in the mobility of my neck. And let’s not forget that I keloid, meaning the incision scar thickened to 1/2” and was bright red for several years. As a far as any doctor was concerned, the procedure was a failure and those were 10 weeks of my high school freshman year that I will never get back.

The Next Chapter

After the final sutures were removed, I assessed my new reality and tried in vain to make sense of the situation. As previously mentioned, this wasn’t the first time a surgery didn’t go as planned. Basically, the burn scars on my neck looked the same, excluding the addition of the new scar which now looked like someone tried to cut my throat, and I had still had the same limitation of mobility. If I was in a gang, this new scar would be perfect and I’d for sure have street cred. No doubt I could easily circulate stories of a knife fight that left one man standing (me). However, I was just a 15 year old high school freshman trying to find his way in the world and resume a life of normalcy, or at least normal for me. The more I prayed and contemplated the inevitability of my situation, the more I realized some things are just out of my control and some things just don’t work out no matter how hard you try. That doesn’t mean you don’t try again or curse the system. You just accept the outcome and chalk it up to a learning experience. I’ve done a lot of learning in my years and I truly believe God has used these experiences to strengthen my fortitude and to not focus on the superficial things in life.

Eventually, you build your self-confidence around being the best version of yourself and ignore the naysayers who are always looking to tear people down. You also learn as tough as things may seem, someone else always has it worse and yet they still find a way and the willpower to be successful.

There is another silver lining in this story. The surgeon gave me the tissue expander (breast implant) as a souvenir. What else would a 15 year old boy do but take it to school and show it off to his friends? I can safely say that no one else had one of these to pass around at lunch. As always, thankful for the memory.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Waking up from surgery to discover doctor performed the wrong procedure

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Imagine waiting 15 years for a life changing surgery only to awaken and realize the doctor performed a completely different surgery than you consented to. Then, imagine the surgery is your worst nightmare… undoing 15 years of progress, leaving you with scars on your body that previously were unscarred. I can not only imagine, I lived it, and it was one of the worst feelings I’ve experienced in my life. It was a complete violation of my trust, my belief in everything sacred I held for surgeons and a destruction in the belief my scars would ever get better.

With over 30 surgeries to my credit, I feel like I’ve experienced it all. I’ve had my fair share of complications but I have always accepted them as an inherent medical risk. In each situation, I knew the surgeon did the best he could and was executing our mutually agreed procedure. I had not only accepted Murphy’s Law as being the rule for me, I had learned to embrace it.

Burn surgeries are known for complications and high rates of infection.

In the past, I had willingly accepted the outcome of losing 3 skin grafts to infection. I had accepted my fate when gangrene set in and eventually necessitated the removal of my right ear. I had accepted the outcome when my surgeon accidentally harvested too much skin from the top of my legs, essentially making them a 3rd degree burn, and had to harvest skin from the bottom of my thighs to repair the top of my thighs. I even accepted the impossible when a 4” x 8” full thickness skin graft was harvested from my abdomen and shrank 65% once inserted into my neck (statistically it would only shrink 5-10%). The healing of my body has always defied the laws of medicine and I make every surgeon aware of my history prior to undergoing new surgeries.

I’m growing but my burn skin won’t grow with me

What most people don’t know is burn scars don’t grow when you grow. The scars have limited elasticity and mine in particular were impacting my hearing and pulling down the right corner of my mouth and eye. It was manageable pain but something that was getting worse with the passing of each day and something that needed to be addressed while my insurance was still willing to treat the condition as a “medical necessity”. Previously the impact of growth was so substantial that my right arm was 2” smaller than my left arm, requiring a skin graft 3” x 10” to be harvested from my hip.

It was 1999 and I was finishing my 2nd year of MBA. I had spent the last 2 years methodically interviewing surgeons around the country in person to determine who I felt could deliver the best solution to improve my situation. As you might imagine, despite all of them looking at the same scars and doing the same evaluation, no 2 surgeons offered the same solution. Surprisingly, some were in direct contrast to each other. One surgeon went so far as to say,

if you have the tissue expander put in your neck as Dr. XXXX recommends, it will severely impact your breathing and put you at major risk.

That’s the challenge of burn scars. They are the hardest trauma to fix and everyone’s body responds differently.

As I finished my nationwide search, I relied on my personal experience over the last 15+ years to conclude the simplest solution is usually the best. I opted to have a section of skin, roughly 4” x 8”, to be harvested from my thigh and stapled into my neck, similar to what had been done in 1995 (sample image below). Almost all of the skin had already been harvested from both legs over the past 15 years but surprisingly I personally had great results with reharvested skin grafts.

Impact of the medical battery

Immediately awakening from the surgery I knew something was wrong. My back and my buttocks were in extreme pain, which was strange considering they were not even remotely associated with the consented surgery or ever even discussed. These were the only 2 areas on my body that were still virgin skin – unburned and intentionally not used in previous skin grafts. Over the years, many surgeons had mentioned using my buttocks for a full thickness skin graft to my face – it was soft, unscarred and supposedly the pigmentation of your buttocks is the closest to your face. I repeatedly refused these suggestions knowing I would never be comfortable knowing part of my butt would now be part of my face. Call me crazy, although most would never know, there was nothing appealing about skin from my butt being on my face – one can only imagine how much fun my fraternity brothers would have with this one. Let’s be honest, your face is the first thing people see and would you be comfortable with a large portion of your butt being on your face? The reality of my situation was only telling considering I had called my little sister “butthead” the first 3 years of her life and convinced her that was her name.

As I began to regain mental clarity, I requested to see my surgeon only to be notified he would not be available as he was on vacation fishing for the next 5 days. However, the nurse felt a phone call with the Dr could be arranged when he called in tomorrow morning. How could this be? In all my years the surgeon has always visited me the day after an operation to make sure everything went smoothly and no questions. The harsh reality began to set in, the nightmare was only beginning.

I will never forget the pain I experienced when I tried to sit up in the hospital bed. There was an intense knifing sensation of pain radiating from my buttocks and back. It literally felt as if the skin was ripping apart. It was then the attending nurse informed me that I needed to remain on my left side as large sections of skin grafts had been harvested from the entire right half of my back and the entire right side of my buttocks. The extreme tugging sensation now made sense as she explained the dressing on these areas were actually stapled into my skin. The sensation of skin ripping in my back and buttocks as I moved were not just sensations, they were actual skin ripping – creating 1/2” gashes in several spots on my back.

The next day I was finally able to talk with the surgeon. I’m not a violent person, but my head was filled with thoughts of anger and rage as I kept saying to myself how nice of him to take time away from his fishing trip to discuss why he changed the surgery while I was asleep without asking me or my mom who was waiting anxiously outside the OR. I played the conversation in my head 1000 times. Would I just start yelling at him and ask,

what the hell did you do and are you freaking crazy, who in their right mind would do this?

Would I threaten legal action and yell repeatedly,

you’ll pay for this and you’ll regret the day you f***ed me and left town?

Or, would I calmly ask him to explain what he did, and why, and try to keep my emotions out of it. I decided on the latter as my temper has never resolved matters in the past and usually prevented me from getting what I really wanted – the real answer. As calmly as I could, with pain increasing my voice inflexion, I asked my questions and bit my tongue as best as I could as he rambled through his explanation. It was obvious he sensed my anger and overall disapproval of his actions. Without saying I’m sorry or even offering a hint of an apology, he admitted once I was on the operating table, sedated and he could examine my scars in their full majesty, he felt using the virgin skin from my buttocks was the best option for my neck and would give me the best long term benefit. Consistent with what I had told other surgeons over the years, I never doubted that using skin from my buttocks was a viable option. However, I had intentionally chosen not to use it knowing it would always be an option when I was ready. I also held out hope there would be a procedure in the future where using buttocks skin would completely replace all the burn scars from my face (this had been mentioned by other surgeons but they had said to wait as well). Equally frustrated, I asked why did he remove the skin from my back and staple it into my armpit, especially since we never even vaguely discussed my arm being an issue. He reverted back to his story that once I was on the operating table and he was able to fully assess the contractures on my arm, he felt the procedure he did offered the best long term solution.

Road to recovery

Returning to grad school was a challenge to say the least. Essentially, I had two large scabs covering half my back and half my buttocks. Every small movement from a twisting of the back to sitting in a chair to bending over to tie my shoes to grabbing a backpack or even just walking, caused the scabs to rip and start bleeding. When I would sit down in the classroom desks, the large scabs on my back and buttocks would crack open, bleed through my clothes and then bleed again when I stood up because the clothes had dried to the scab. After a couple of days of bleeding through all my shirts, I decided to never put my back against the chair, limiting the bleeding to only my buttocks. It was a nightmare to say the least. To make matters worse, I was also working 30hrs a week at a venture capital firm in hopes of securing a permanent position upon graduation. I managed to keep up with my work responsibilities in the hospital and couldn’t afford to squander this great career opportunity once I returned back to campus. To prevent the chance of impairing my driving, I delayed taking pain medication several hours, and sometimes not at all on days I was working only 4 hours or less.

I registered for campus escorts to class when I first returned to campus but abandoned them after the first day realizing the shuttle service was not timely. Instead, I rode my bicycle and learned to just take the pain and picked a route that minimized pedaling and pot holes. As the weeks amassed into a month, the scabs were finally healed and my daily actions were no longer limited. However, the new scars did not fade and were a daily reminder of that tragic day when my trust was stolen.

Where am I today

One thing I have learned over the years is that people will let you down. Some will do it intentionally and some do it even though they had the best intentions in the world. Luckily and by the grace of God, after 3 years of wrestling with this life changing event, I was able to put the past behind me and restore my belief in tomorrow being a better version of today. I have forgiven the doctor and harbor no ill will against him. I also pray he is not burdened by the years of hardship he put me through. I guess I really should thank him for the idea he cemented in my head that,

I need to continually focus on what I’ve gained in life as opposed to what I’ve lost.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve lost a lot but I have definitely been given way more than I deserve. Who knows, but without this tragic event, I may not be married with a beautiful wife and 5 healthy kids.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

7 lessons learned from 35+ surgeries over the last 32 years

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In my short life of 40 years, I have been fortunate to have 32 of those years filled with surgeries, physical therapy and an endless pursuit to become the best version of myself. I won’t say it has always been easy or that I never had doubts, but I will say it has been an amazing journey and I thank God every day for allowing me the opportunity to experience things 99% of the world will never face. I cherish the pain and the joy, as I truly believe you can’t have one without the other.

My journey taught me to never fear failure, never fear pain, never fear isolation and never fear uncertainty. In retrospect, the lessons of my journey are applicable to all and I pray my children, as well as your children, can learn from my experiences without having to experience those pains firsthand.

7 Lessons Learned

  1. I learned losing one gift means I need to be more thankful for my other gifts and make the most of every situation, regardless how small or insignificant it may appear. With every setback comes an opportunity to grow. At 8, I was physically unable to use my right arm for 3 years or hold my head up straight. As a result, I learned how to write left handed to finish the 3rd grade. I also learned how to throw left handed, as well as do the daily things such as brushing my hair, brushing my teeth and even buttoning my shirt left handed. Once I regained use of my right arm, both my arms were equally dominant. This became quite an asset when I boxed in college and more importantly, it helped me to realize there is never just one way to do something. It doesn’t mean the new way will be easy, but adapting is what we do best. People underestimate how resilient we are as humans and unfortunately it often takes a major hardship for us to realize our full potential. If you really want to be inspired, read the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt – father/son team that redefined “anything is possible.”
  2. I learned we all have scars, mine just happen to be on the outside. Everyone faces adversity and everyone has insecurities. For some it’s physical (their looks), others it’s financial (lack of money) and some it’s emotional pain (family turmoil). I have learned everyone is dealing with something, some are just better at hiding it and many are just in denial. I strongly believe in the simple CEO aphorism: You either apply pressure or you feel pressure. The key is to take undo stress and apply it towards productive actions. We all feel pain; we just react differently. Recognize pain as growth opportunities and ask yourself during those troubling times “what am I learning from this?”
  3. “The impossible just takes a little longer,” as a hero of mine Art Berg said. Art set a world-record by becoming the first quadriplegic to race an ultra marathon of 325 miles. Perhaps Art and other challenged athletes would have lived ordinary lives of no significance without their disability. Most people in life never attempt life changing events because they’re fearful of failure, lack the confidence in themselves or believe what everyone is telling them. If you always listen to the advice of others, you will always be limited to mediocrity. Believing in yourself and really pushing yourself, refusing to ever quit even when it seems the walls are caving in, you will be amazed what you can do. When you dare to be great you will realize that others will rally to your cause and want to be part of your success. Never be scared to do the impossible.
  4. We don’t get to where we are without help. While some of us have had a harder road to success than others, we have all had a helping hand, a comforting voice and someone who believed we were capable of greatness. It’s easy to confuse our hard work and personal sacrifices as evidence of our self made success but I assure you there has always been someone in the shadows providing support when you weren’t looking (how many prayers have been said on your behalf). As you climb the corporate ladder or attain your inner happiness, reach down and help out those who desperately need a pick me up. The smallest acts of kindness can have the greatest impact.
  5. You realize things worth having require hard work and sacrifice. Dreams are not realized overnight, despite what you see on TV. We never see the years of hard work entrepreneurs, athletes, musicians, etc… that made those dreams come true. Hard work also means you have to give up things you like in order to have what you really want. Unfortunately, you can’t have your cake and eat it too but you can have the important things in your life if you prioritize. Sacrifices are painful but if you embrace pain as part of the journey, you will never see life the same again. People I admire don’t make a big deal of things when they don’t go their way. They accept the good with the bad and keep moving forward. The biggest compliment I was ever paid is when a friend said “Shay, you are so lucky. Things just come easy for you.” I smiled and said “Thank you. I am glad all my hard work behind closed doors makes it look effortless.” If you love what you do, it really isn’t work.
  6. You can’t be complacent with where you are today. It’s human nature to celebrate our achievements and take pride in them. That’s great but you can’t celebrate too long as life will pass you by as others are vying to make a name for themselves. The game of life is a series of races and challenges that last a lifetime with no finish line until we stand before God on judgment day. Fortunately for some and unfortunately for others, no one will remember what you did 10 years ago, 5 years ago or even a month ago. That is what’s great about life. Each day is a new start to be your absolute best. As the Olympian Steve Prefontaine said,”Success isn’t how far you got, but the distance you traveled from where you started.” There is no greater satisfaction than to continually test yourself and work on becoming the best version of yourself. The satisfaction of knowing you can and will get better every year with a focus on self-improvement is something you wish everyone could experience. How much harder would people work if they were guaranteed to get better.
  7. Confidence is powerful. Without it, you will never do what you were created to do. With it, you can do more than you will ever imagine. Imagine if we spent as much time building up people as we do breaking them down. I’m all for tough love, but I’m also for instilling confidence and the will to succeed. I believe Mark Twain captured it best when he said “If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right.” We have the ability to program our brain to achieve or underachieve.

People often ask if I could turn back time, would I do things differently on Aug 4, 1982. I can proudly say no way. Why would I? What have I missed out on in life as a result of my burns? Absolutely nothing. Did I have to work harder than most? Did I experience pain, ridicule, and endless rejection? You bet, but that’s what made me who I am and for that I am all the better. We so easily forget that our biggest disappointments and failures in life give us the greatest blessings. How could I ever trade my experiences that have afforded me an amazing wife, 5 healthy kids and the excitement to wake up each and every day ready to take on what lies ahead. As you reflect on my lessons learned, be careful not to remove all the pains in your loved ones lives as you could be preventing them from experiencing one of God’s miracles. Without pain, we may never know joy.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

3 screws in my head and now you’re saying it’s not medically necessary

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I have 3 screws permanently inserted into my skull. Some even say I have a few screws loose, which is not far from the truth. These screws were drilled into my head to secure my prosthetic ear, a dental implant technology that allows people such as myself to once again have matching ears. The process is quite involved, requiring 2 surgeries and 6 months of healing in between. I’ll spare you the details but essentially I now have 3 Frankenesque knobs sticking through my scalp, that in turn connect to a platinum bar for my prosthetic ear to snap onto. Basically, I’m a life size Mr. Potato Head. It’s not uncommon for my ear to pop off at the most inopportune time – especially while I’m dancing or playing with my kids at the playground. Sometimes it’s actually pretty cool walking around without the ear attached as I’m sure people are thinking it’s just a new piercing fashion. And when I need a good laugh, it’s fun to just leave my ear laying around in public places (gym locker room, hotel pillow – see pic below at Hartsfield Airport TSA screening). You may think that’s cruel but I think God gave me one ear for a reason… and that was to have fun and to show others how to be comfortable in their own skin.

If you can’t laugh at your own imperfections or deformities, life will be pretty miserable

Getting a prosthetic ear at the age of 36, especially after not having a right ear for 28 years, is quite an extensive process to get approved by a health insurer. Fortunately, I was able to work with an amazing doctor, Dr. Koenig, at BlueCross BlueShield of GA (BCBS) who deemed the procedure medically necessary and approved as “in network”. Once the procedure was approved in writing, I scheduled the initial implant surgery and verified with my employer multiple times they were not changing their coverage or carrier prior to my surgery. My surgery was scheduled on the 3rd of August and made sure our renewal on the 1st of August would not impact me. I’m sure our HR Director loved me calling/emailing her so much. Call me paranoid, but I’ve had some crazy stuff happen to me with my 35+ surgeries over the last 32 years. She verified our coverage was not changing so I went ahead with the surgery.

Surgery went great (pic above). I was back home that night resting in my own bed and prepared to be back at work the next day. With the 3 screws embedded in my skull, I was now on the surgery rotation to have the 2nd surgery 6 months later to complete the implant process (the six month period was to allow the implants to integrate with the skull – osseointegration). 7 days after the surgery – 10th of August, I received a letter from an insurance company (not BCBS) notifying me I was now an insured customer.

That’s odd I thought; I haven’t been notified by anyone and our policy renewal had already come and gone.

Interestingly, the letter was dated the 6th of August, 3 days after my surgery. I immediately called my HR director and was notified we had switched carriers. She informed me the decision was made on the 6th but the new carrier was made aware of my surgery on the 3rd. She also informed me it was not uncommon for policy renewal decisions to be made after the renewal date and then coverage backdated to the renewal date once the business terms were agreed upon. Not surprisingly, two weeks later I receive another letter from the new carrier informing me the screws in my head were not preauthorized, were out of network and not covered under my insurance. Shocker!

A messy situation

Tell me if my logic is crazy or was this truly mind blowing. My insurance plan renewed on the 1st and no change was made. I had surgery on the 3rd, old insurance still in effect. I left the hospital on the 3rd, old insurance still in effect. On the 6th, my employer changed health insurance carrier and coverage was backdated to the 1st, 2 days before my surgery. In short, I just had $10,000 of titanium screws permanently drilled into my skull that I had spent the last 6 months getting preapproved as “medical necessity” and now being told I’m financially liable for all the expenses. The new insurance carrier denied the surgery and deemed the procedure as being “out of network” and not a “medical necessity”. After extensive sit downs with my employer, they had the HR Director reach out to the carrier multiple times over the next 3 months. She continuously told me ”don’t worry about it, I’m sure they’ll do the right thing.”

Well guess what, they didn’t. After explaining to my surgeon’s office every month what was happening, the carrier communicated directly to their office via denial of benefits letter that the $10,000 medical bill was my responsibility and that the 2nd surgery would only be covered as “out of network” if their review panel deemed the procedure as medically necessary. All I could think was,

“You’re kidding me, right?“

I have 3 screws permanently attached to my skull and you’re telling me my surgeon has to prove the importance of completing the full procedure. Who in their right mind walks around with random screws sticking out of their head – ok, maybe Frankenstein, but at least he had super human strength. All I wanted was an ear.

Just to reiterate to make sure we’re all on the same page, the day of my surgery, all of my surgeries, as well as the actual prosthetic ear itself were preapproved as “in-network” and I had met my calendar year deductible. With the new carrier, who was selected after my surgery with the policy coverage backdated to before my surgery, I now was on the hook for $20,000 if I had the 2nd surgery and received the prosthetic ear (which I had already been casted for). Had I been told the surgery was not covered prior to getting the implants, I would have postponed the surgery and reviewed my options. With my back against the wall and my employer unwilling to apply leverage with the carrier, I called the Ga Insurance Commission and Department of Labor. I was told by both agencies that although the situation was unfortunate, there was nothing they could do and their advice was to get an attorney involved to see if the carrier’s posturing changed.

Taking matters into my own hands

Armed with their guidance, I sought the advice of my good friend David Decker, who also was an attorney (Decker Law Firm). As a courtesy to me and angered by the bullying of the carrier, he agreed to escalate the situation. David quickly drafted a letter to my employer and to the carrier, putting them all on notice about my situation and how steps for resolution needed to be reached very quickly. This is not the forum for a juicy back and forth legal showdown, but let’s just say it got very interesting… some people’s tempers flared while others recognized this was not personal and we needed to focus on resolving the issues. David is awesome because he is extremely practical and just focuses on amicable resolution (everyone puts a little skin in the game but everyone wins too). After 6 weeks of arm wrestling, the new carrier finally agreed to honor BCBS’s preauthorization and medical necessity determination once I paid my new deductible.

When the dust settled and everyone was paid, I had to come out of pocket an additional $3000 (including legal fees and a new deductible) for surgery I owed $0 when I left the hospital. It was not a perfect ending but was much better than paying $20,000 and at some point you just make the most of a bad situation and move on. I share this experience so others understand just how complicated health insurance can be and how an employer’s decision to switch carriers can have big impacts. Imagine how the surgeon felt. He did his job and did it well and now he was caught in the middle of this insurance showdown – special thanks to Dr. Glen Maron and his staff for their patience and diligence. I would never expect an employer not to switch carriers just because one employee had a unique situation. However, I would expect an employer that is aware of their employee’s situation to communicate what they’re doing and why. It’s amazing how something as simple as communicating can resolve so much. Please know I have no hard feelings towards the carrier or my past employer about this situation, never did. I realize crazy things happen but I expect people to own up to their mistakes or lack of foresight and use their best efforts to resolve the situation and not make excuses. Trust me, I’ve seen it all and you’ll read about more of this in the near future.

Lastly, special thank you to Dr. Koenig of BCBS who actually took the time to read my story and approve the procedure to give me a right ear and an even brighter perspective on life. I only wish he knew how grateful I am of his generosity and how much something as simple as an ear can change someone’s life. He truly made a difference in my life and gave me hope that most people in the health insurance business want to help others.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

Don’t be “GOOD”, be “MEMORABLE”! 4 steps to becoming a Top Performer

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Getting ahead in today’s world involves a lot of variables: talent, hard work, timing, knowing the right people and luck. All overachievers work hard on being good at what they do. They pride themselves on being the “go to” person, always having the right answer, believe working long hours is the key, often working even when they should be spending time with their family. Paying your dues and learning the business is important, but what’s really important is being MEMORABLE. We are all surrounded by equally talented people that are “good” at what they do. There are a lot of really smart people out there. But if you want to separate yourself from the pack, you have to be someone that other people want to be around and want to work with. Face it, we live in a team environment and engaging and working well with others is how companies grow and execute.

If you look around your office, the Top Performers are usually not the smartest folks – they usually have super smart people around them. They’re Top Performers because they’re MEMORABLE. They’re memorable because they have learned to distinguish themselves from others by:

1. Being genuine.

They don’t try to be someone they’re not. They don’t pretend to be the rock star who is a world traveler with the exciting weekend excursions and fancy sports car. They’re comfortable in their own skin and don’t need the affirmation of others to feel good about themselves. People respect genuineness, it’s a rare trait in today’s world of ‘keeping up with the Joneses.’ I’ve learned you can drive a 12 passenger commercial van as your family vehicle and still rock it. It’s how your carry yourself and the ability to embrace your situation that defines how others perceive you. My family is memorable because we are easily recognized by our big NV3500 van and crew of 5 kids under 8. Embrace your individuality and be comfortable in your own skin; you don’t have to hide your imperfections.

I learned as a kid embracing my shortcomings allowed people to feel like they really knew me and made me memorable. For most, I was the only burn survivor they knew and it was a deformity few had seen firsthand. They knew I was not impacted by things I had no control over (my burn scars, having 1 ear, being short) and felt at ease being around me. I tell people jokingly that I shop in the kids departments because the little boys’ suits are so much cheaper. I spent my entire college years working on beefing up, building the big chest and biceps (the gun show as they say). After I got married, I realized no one cared. Now I tell people my goal is to be built like a 12 year old – being skinny is extremely helpful competing in my triathlons. People love those who are self-deprecating. It allows them to relate and bond knowing you are just fine with all your imperfections. If you think about it, the funniest comedians are never runway models. Trust me, people are never as perfect as they seem – some are just better at hiding it than others.

2. Being passionate.

They’re not afraid for people to know who they are and what they stand for. People in business often feel the need to put on fronts, fearful of people knowing their personal life. I openly tell people that I’m married with 5 kids and a man of God. I am proud of that and want people to know what’s important in my life, my moral compass. As someone in sales, I often see other sales executives trying to flirt their way into a contract. It makes me laugh. I couldn’t imagine building a career reputation as someone who relies on good looks and promiscuous behavior to be successful. The way I approach sales is would I be comfortable if someone filmed my sales approach and showed it at a conference for others to watch. Would my wife or kids approve?

Don’t be scared to share with people your passions. People respect those motivated by things in life other than money, those driven by a higher purpose whether it’s playing the piano, coaching your kids in little league or learning a foreign language. Not everyone pursues their passions and most respect those who do. By sharing your passions, you may be able to help others get started pursuing their passion and help keep them accountable. A big passion of mine is fitness and I absolutely love helping others realize how easy it is to get into shape. People don’t forgot those that help them achieve their life goals. I’ve always been amazed what the human mind and body can do and wish everyone could experience it firsthand – it’s invigorating.

3. Being generous.

They have learned a kind heart is a quick path to success. Helping others and asking nothing in return is a rare trait these days and will truly make you memorable. Giving of your time or talent is the greatest gift you can give and usually offers satisfaction way beyond what you’ve given. Personally, I receive 2x-3x in blessings for what I have given of myself although that is never my intent.

Little things have the biggest impact. Remembering a peer’s birthday with a cupcake or handwritten card goes a long way towards showing you care. Giving of your time is even better, something that is always in big demand but short in supply. I am one that tries to always make time to grab a cup of coffee with someone when asked. Granted, I’m not in a position like some of my clients who get 20 requests a day. I agree to meet with those who are genuinely looking for insight into what I do or looking for advice. I have been the recipient of great guidance over the years and try to help those looking for secrets to jumpstart their life. You never know when that one person makes it big and maybe because you took 20 minutes out of your day. Most people want nothing more than for someone to talk to, feel heard and genuinely appreciated for their contributions. We all want to feel special and we all have the ability to make others feel that way. Your generosity and ability to do small things to enhance the lives of others will make you memorable.

4. Putting themselves out there.

They have learned the people we admire and remember in life, for better or worse, are the ones that truly go for it – put themselves out there to achieve something truly remarkable (Amelia Earhart, Earnest Shackleton, Jackie Robinson, etc…). We all love and admire risk takers and secretly wish we took more risks in our life. In their mind, failure only happens when they quit and give up on their dreams. The story of Earnest Shackleton is my all-time favorite. At first read of the Shackleton exploration, you’d deem it a failure, falling short of their mission to be the first to cross Antarctica from sea to sea. However, when you learn how he motivated and inspired his crew daily for the 2 years they were stranded in Antarctica and the fact no one died, you quickly realize why he is often regarded as the greatest adventurer in the history of the world and a role model of leadership.

For some reason, most people fear failure. They fear trying something new or really hard for fear they won’t be successful. In addition, most never share their goals in life for fear they’ll be judged if they don’t achieve them. I believe the opposite. Share your goals, let everyone know what keeps you up at night and gets your blood pumping. What you’ll find is that friends and even complete strangers will help you achieve your goal if they see you are truly ‘going for it.’ Everyone wants to be part of something bigger than themselves. I once met a complete stranger in Starbucks who ended up writing a check for $10,000 to help me compete in the Ironman World Championships – a life goal that few ever experience.

If you focus on being MEMORABLE, you will become a Top Performer. But you have to be memorable for the right reasons. Having a great product is important in business, but people buy from people. They do business with people they like and want to be around. It’s rare that a product sells itself. Being good at what you do helps, but being memorable is essential to becoming a Top Performer.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

5 Lessons Learned: Working in a family business, the Underpants Run & 9/11

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Working with family is always a challenge, especially when it’s your dad and you’re 50/50 partners. It’s even more challenging when your dad is 55 with 35 years of industry experience and you’re 26 and fresh out of MBA School, having spent the last year working for a venture capital firm. Classic marriage of old school meets Generation X. He had the relevant industry experience and I had all the finance and operation solutions (or so I thought). My dad and I joked often how they never teach you in Business school how to grow a business with no working capital; they never teach you the business of ‘hustling’ and doing whatever it takes to keep the doors open.

We had a great 7 year run; managed to negotiate an extremely generous purchase price by a private equity firm and enhanced our coveted father/son bond. The experience provided invaluable life lessons that resulted in lots of long hours with no additional pay, headaches that often interrupted vacations, stressful father/son moments, and financial strains that permeated into personal affairs. Despite those challenges, I wouldn’t trade them for a $1 Million, well maybe $1 Million but definitely not $100,000. Those 7 years provided something that can’t be measured in dollars. It allowed me to help my dad satisfy his lifelong dream of owning his own business and provided time with a man that I truly admire. In retrospect, perhaps dad’s dream should have been more specific to include owning a profitable business that ran itself. But what greater gift can a son give than that of himself, helping his dad pursue his dream? My dad is my hero and has always went out of his way to support and help me achieve my goals.

When we ventured into small business ownership together, I pledged an unconditional 3 years to make a run at it, to give it everything I had to see if it had legs as he suspected. Although we didn’t retire with loads of extra money, we proudly walked away having achieved milestones others never dreamed possible of this rag tag father/son combo in an industry dominated by big box retailers and low margins.

  • Doubled revenue 1st year and tripled sales year 2 with no credit facility
  • Popularized virtual inventory: one of the first supplier integrated cloud inventory ordering sites
  • Converted $20,000 of obsolete inventory into $300,000 of saleable merchandise
  • Reduced manufacturing costs by 50%, labor costs by 25%, and insurance costs by 40%.

Opposites attract:

My dad and I are almost polar opposites when it comes to running a business. If you’re a fan of E-Myth by Michael Gerber (actually made dad read the book when we bought the business), my dad is the classic technician and I the entrepreneur. He’s laid back and subscribes to the school “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” He believes everyone should take pride in their work and be thankful they have a job. He’s the type of man that will never complain of what you ask him to do; he is no stranger to hard work and doesn’t believe any work is beneath a man. He also believes a handshake is as good as a credit card and if you just keep customers happy, the business will make money – sensitivity analysis was completely foreign. Prior to us buying the business, no one had taken the time to evaluate what customers were buying and why; meaning, were they buying from us because we were the only person who could supply the product or were they genuinely trying to give us more business.

I, on the other hand, am high energy and constantly looking for the next big breakthrough. Passion and perseverance are my greatest attributes. I don’t believe in failure and I have trouble understanding why others are scared of change. I believe a single store business can’t compete in a commodity driven environment if customers are allowed to make decisions based solely on cost. I believe our success was predicated on our ability to create the value proposition for our customers – fair price, quick delivery and quality product. I recognize most people don’t enjoy their work and constantly try to find ways to make their job more enjoyable by getting their buy-in with big decisions (engaged employee usually equals higher sales). I recognized very early that my dad’s vision and sense of reality for our company was completely different than mine and that was something I just had to accept. One of the most important things to recognize and appreciate in family owned/operated businesses is the dynamics of family members. There are some things you just can’t change and the refusal to recognize that creates misery for everyone. You have to embrace who you are and what your business is or will become.

I love my dad and would run through brick walls for him (as he would me). He is a role model father and true salt of the earth: works hard, honest, loves his kids unconditionally and goes out of his way to help those in need, even to his own detriment. Those same attributes don’t always align with running and growing a for-profit business. Amazingly, my dad believes everyone shares his morality and truly believes people will honor their word and do the right thing. The business world makes cynics out of us all, a lesson I learned quickly in my MBA program and one that my dad finally learned as we were swindled out of $35,000 in our first few months of operating (another story in itself). As Reagan said, “trust but verify.”

5 LESSONS WE LEARNED WITHOUT KILLING EACH OTHER:

1: Timing is everything

Dad and I had the good luck of buying the automotive remanufacturing company July 3, 2001, two months before 9/11. Even luckier, 1/3 of our business was airline related – we supplied brake boosters for Delta’s and Air Trans’ TUG equipment (carts that haul your luggage to the plane). Within a few weeks of 9/11, we received letters from the airlines stating they were unable to pay their bills and it would be 6 months before they could make payments towards those debts. In addition, they wanted to continue buying from us with the intent to pay in 6-9 months (interest free of course). Stuck between a rock and a hard place, and with no immediate ability to replace 1/3 of our revenue, we acquiesced and continued supplying them. It was a tough 6 months but we survived and still managed to double revenue that year. To offset the airline cash shortage, I reduced my salary to $10,000 and took a night job at Home Depot working in hardware 4 days/week (dad took a pay cut as well but different based on his situation). After the 6 months had passed, the airlines made good on their promise and I was able to hang up my Home Depot apron. Working at Home Depot provided some great insight into how they managed inventory and their philosophy on loss leaders, pricing, inventory turns, etc…

God takes care of those who believe and he rewarded our perseverance through 9/11 and those 7 years of always doing the right thing. Call it luck or divine intervention, we sold the business September 8, 2008 (a few days before the 2nd Great Depression). Even more miraculous was the buyer’s lender went bankrupt 5 days after the closing. Had our closing been postponed a week, as requested by the buyer, the deal would have went south and we would have been left with a company worth 40% less than the final purchase price. As the deal finalized, we received a market premium, negotiated a guaranteed 3yr employment contract for my father at a 30% pay raise and were able to pay all our creditors.

2. Cash is King

You always hear cash is king but it never truly sinks in until it’s your money. From a profit and loss standpoint, we were making good money with healthy distributor margins but were forced to plow every dollar back into the business to replenish our inventory. Even though we were taking very modest salaries, cash became strained as our big credit buying customers were paying 15 days on average after we were due to pay our suppliers. We paid our suppliers 2% net 30 to receive timely pay discounts. Luckily, I was able to shore up a majority of this gap by creating buying incentives for these customers based on ‘cash received.’ At first, we were naïve in accepting the old “check was mailed on XX and our check number is 1234” story. With no line of credit to access and having invested every $ we had to buy inventory, we were cash poor. By a miracle of God, we also increased our Do-It-Yourself (DIY) business to satisfy weekly cash needs, a market we had always shunned in the past.

3. Establish roles and responsibilities

Prior to buying the company, we talked in depth about ‘untapped’ opportunity but we were short sighted in mapping out each other’s role in seizing those opportunities. Mistakenly, we both formed our own assumptions without communicating to each other. My dad assumed he’d continue his former role of waiting on customers – inside sales, answering incoming calls and serving them as they walked in the door. I assumed I’d focus on operations and outside sales, but we’d jointly tackle strategy. Dad was perfectly content continuing in his former role as he really enjoyed working with customers and helping them solve their problems (and he was great at it). Me, I envisioned hiring/training others to wait on customers and our collective efforts to be focused on growing the business and expanding. Although my dad had been working in the industry for over 35 years, he had never been exposed to the back office operations and their impact on all business operations. Most small business owners underestimate the impact of aging receivables, ROI of marketing campaigns and the concept of time value of money. Most try to do everything in-house due to the cost savings (and usually by themselves because they don’t trust others with their money) and fail to seize growth opportunities because they’re too busy doing payroll, chasing slow paying customers, etc. – too busy working in the business instead of working on the business.

4. Agree on end goal: hobby or business

The typical mistake a small business owner makes is confusing something they’re very good at (a hobby) for something that is profitable and has growth potential (a business). It became apparent very early our single store location couldn’t support two owners at the salaries we were targeting, hence a major dilemma and was on the cusp of being labeled by outsiders as a hobby. Neither of us could have predicted 9/11 in our wildest dreams nor the impact it would cause.

The only way for the business to support both of us comfortably was through some economies of scale, meaning more stores, meaning more partners. This reality ran counter to my dad’s whole premise behind going into business – i.e. being his own boss and not having to answer to anyone else. He wanted to be in business for himself because for 35 years was tired of watching someone else make all the decisions that he felt ran counter to what he was seeing day in and day out. He truly believed that once he bought the business he could take advantage of the untapped opportunity. While some of his beliefs were well founded, he had overlooked the necessary assets required to make them happen (inventory and line of credit – both of which were essentially nonexistent). I made it very clear in the beginning this was a 3 year stint for me and in no way did I have plans on retiring at this company. My dad also made it clear that he wanted to work at this job until retirement. It also became obvious that the business was more than just a paycheck for him; it was a source of enjoyment. He was clearly more concerned about never letting the customer down than insuring the company made a sustainable profit. Me on the other hand, I was in it to be a part of something bigger than myself and create a legacy. That being said, our objectives were at crossroads and I was accepting of my dad’s vision.

5. Once you leave work, don’t talk about work

Father and son interactions at work are challenging to say the least. We were all raised to honor our father and not challenge their authority. In the business environment, this presents a direct conflict to the idea of having a partner that challenges you and is always looking out for what’s best for the company. I respect my father to no end, even if we differ on opinions. My disagreements had nothing to do with respect but rather a differing in philosophies on what’s best for the company.

One thing we both agreed on was not using “dad” and “son” references at work. I called him Rick and he called me Shay. At times it was awkward, but in the end it helped us establish our work relationship while maintaining our coveted father/son bond. We wanted to keep the environment at work professional and give our employees the assurance that we were running a legitimate business and not playing favoritism. On the same note, we agreed that once we locked the doors every night, not to talk about work and make amends for any temper flares at work. Trust me, it happened. As investors and 50/50 partners, I felt we should be comfortable saying anything to each other that we would say to a business partner, even if might hurt their feelings. And many times I did hurt my dad’s feelings and make him angry. Fortunately or unfortunately, my dad is not one to express his frustrations and usually just bottles it up. Often times, I could see him getting worked up and I’d keep pressing until I could get a response. I stressed to him that he could never hurt my feelings as I knew how he really felt about me. I assured him it was alright to get angry; it was his money too and his dream. You have to fight for what you believe if you truly believe it’s the right way. Fighting for what you believe doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind when presented with better information. I know I made him angry at times and I made sure I apologized afterwards. We both went out of our way to always make sure we understood why we were angry. Many a nights dad would follow me home and join my wife and I for dinner. I feel very fortunate to have experienced such an opportunity. How many sons had the same opportunity? You can’t put a price on those experiences.

The Next Chapter

My dad still works for the same company even though it was recently acquired by a large automotive group out of NY for 20 cents on the dollar (unfortunately our buyers didn’t continue our value proposition strategy and decide to compete on cost). His job is still intact, doing what he loves to do – talking to the customer and providing them solutions. With a noncompete in place, I made a transition to healthcare, business development specifically, and having the time of my life. I have since moved to Nashville and have 5 amazing kids under 8. Life couldn’t be much better. My dad in turn has 5 amazing grandkids who love their ‘poppy.’

All in all, we had a great run. We didn’t make a lot of money but we didn’t lose a bunch either. In the world of business, sometimes not losing your shirt is quite an achievement. We both feel very blessed for the time spent together. Looking back we cherish those 80-90 hour work weeks when we were struggling to keep the doors open. We cherish the times when everyone counted us out, family members included, and yet we still made things happen. I often give thanks to the good Lord for the opportunity working side by side with my dad in pursuit of his dream. As we learned, the journey is 98% of the satisfaction. We didn’t accomplish all that we wanted to but, more importantly, we have no regrets. We gave it everything we had and never gave up. And for that, we are both all the better. In 2012, my dad flew to Kona, Hawaii to support me competing in the Ironman World Championships. As further evidence of our bond, he joined me in the annual Underpants Run (cropped the pic to protect your eyes). A truly unbreakable bond!

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

A serving leader: Driving dump trucks, waiting tables, and scrubbing toilets

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Some of the greatest business leaders/entrepreneurs of our time had the humblest of roots and are not afraid to get their hands dirty. Just look at Daniel Schwartz, Burger King’s 32 year old CEO. Schwartz proudly boasts of cleaning 15 toilets in 2 days and making a Whopper in less than 35 seconds. Warren Buffett, many times ranked as the richest man in the world, began his days delivering newspapers. Michael Dell, CEO of Dell Computers, washed dishes at age 12 in a Chinese restaurant. There are thousands of similar success stories out there. When you ask these successful entrepreneurs about their not so famous beginnings, they share a common belief – being thankful for those experiences to learn the value of money and doing what it took to be successful. I’m a firm believer these success stories are due to a belief that has biblical references, ““Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” (Luke 16:10). As a father, I believe the greatest lesson I can instill in my children is that no job is beneath them and a serving leader is worthy of people’s respect.

My career as a Dump Truck driver

My mom was so proud the day I told her I’d be driving a dump truck for a living. What mother wouldn’t! I had only spent the last 5 years making the most of my undergrad career, attending 3 colleges and still managing to graduate Cum Laude with a healthy list of course credits to boot. I’m proud that I didn’t cheat myself of the big college experience while maintaining my responsibility to get good grades.

Driving a dump truck, although not my job of choice, was a very humbling experience. I had just finished the last 6 months living in the woods trapping black bears for the US Fish and Wildlife Service as an intern for $75/week – an extension of my wildlife biology undergraduate degree believe it or not. I have never been one to shy away from a life changing experience for fear of not making real $. Besides, how many people can claim they trapped over 150 black bears, came face to face with a red wolf or nearly attacked by an alligator? I had also recently been accepted into the MBA program at the University of Tennessee and was looking to put aside some spending money to get me through the next year.

Ever since I was a teenager, I was required to have a job and pay for myself. No free lunches in my family. I did everything from delivering auto parts to brick mason laboring to landscaping to sandblasting rusted car parts to waiting tables. I’m a big believer our experiences in life shape the people we become and knowing people’s story explains their station in life. The differentiator is that some use these experiences as stepping stones while others become convinced they’re not capable or deserving of more and become trapped. The work ethic and appreciation for independence is something I am extremely grateful my parents ingrained in me at an early age.

Driving the dump truck was just part of the summer drama leading up to starting B school. At 23, some would probably never admit to such living arrangements but I am not ashamed of my blue collar roots and thankful I learned early you can’t spend what you don’t have. When I returned home from living in the woods, I found myself in a housing situation with a need for 3 months of housing and no measurable income to justify renting an apartment. With no alternative, I decided to live with my dad, grandparents and uncle, all sharing 2 bedrooms. It was quite the setup and worthy of a Jeff Foxworthy joke. My grandparents had one bedroom and my dad had the 2nd bedroom. My uncle worked night shifts so he’d sleep in the 2nd bedroom during the day. We had a spare twin mattress that I’d drag into the living room and sleep on each night. In the morning, I’d put up the sheets and drag the mattress back into the 2nd bedroom.

Regarding work, the beauty of driving the dump truck was the conversations I had with my boss. He was a young guy, only 10 years older than me, and he enjoyed asking me quite frequently how it felt to have a college degree and to be driving his dump truck – not pretentiously but just as a matter of fact. He had forgone college and had done quite well for himself hustling in the construction business. I never took offense to his questioning as I politely told him this was just a temporary situation. I might have felt differently had my father not taught me since I was a young kid that no paying job was beneath me. I have always prided myself on doing whatever it takes (legally of course) to pay my bills and never asked for handouts. Perhaps others see things differently and don’t mind their parents/grandparents subsidizing their living until they find the ‘right job’, but I have always viewed my not so glamourous vocations as stepping stones. I was able to motivate myself to do those jobs to the best of my ability knowing I wouldn’t be doing them forever and at the end of the day I owed no one a penny. Personally, college degree or not, I always thought it was cool to roll my sleeves up and do work my colleagues frowned upon.

My career waiting tables:

I think waiting tables is the best preparation for a career in sales or starting your own business. It teaches you from day 1 that your customers control your income. If they aren’t happy, your wallet will suffer, regardless if you had no control over the food preparation. Like every entrepreneur knows, having the best product (or food) doesn’t guarantee you’ll make money. People spend hard earned money and lots of it to have an enjoyable experience. You learn quickly that things will go wrong but taking ownership for the problem without making excuses goes a long way towards making someone happy. Your job is to make the customer feel good about spending their money with YOU. They have choices and will exercise that freedom if you give them a reason. I also learned quickly that a smile and enthusiasm to take care of the customer goes a long way towards setting the tone for their dining/buying experience.

I waited tables for 2 summers during college, one in a high end bar-b-que restaurant (oxymoron I know) and the other in a white table cloth seafood restaurant. Although the average entrees were a 3 to 1 relationship, the level of rudeness, impatience and overall demanding attitudes were comparable. Every day I dealt with someone that expected me to be their personal servant, believing my sole purpose that day was to wait on them hand and foot, never mind the 6 others tables I was waiting on. I loved these tables as it required me to put on my game face and creatively manage their expectations and not overlook the needs of my other tipping patrons. The same is true with business. We all deal with buttheads on a regular basis and we don’t have the luxury of avoiding them. Thanks to those experiences from waiting tables, I learned how to positively impact those interactions and still keep my sanity (and make a $ too).

Paving the path to success:

As you prepare for the challenges of the New Year, think back on your not so glamorous career experiences and take solace knowing you’ve done the small things to prepare you for the big things.

When you reach the top, don’t forget the things that got you to where you are and never be afraid to roll up your sleeves and get dirty.

Serving leaders, those who get in the trenches with their front line employees, are always respected and able to continually deliver results when others can’t. Alternatively, if you’re in the midst of a not so glamorous career, take pride in knowing you are building a foundation and following the footsteps of almost every great business leader. May the actions of Daniel Schwartz inspire you to do what others are scared to do and prepare you for unimaginable success.

I’d love to hear about your best/worst job and how it paved your road to success. We all cherish the “remember when” stories.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.

 

Dare to be great! 8 steps to achieving my life dream

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We all have lofty goals and dreams for what we hope transpires in the new year.

Truth: few will ever commit 100% to make them happen.

Truth: few are willing to risk failure and commit every spare moment to make those dreams a reality.

What are you going to do to make your goals a reality? If your life drastically changed next week, would you be able to say that you had truly committed everything to achieving your dreams – no regrets? I can. My goal going into each year is to be able to say without hesitation that if my working/athletic career came to an end, I have no regrets. I gave it my all.

One shot

In 2012, I achieved a life goal – competing in the Ironman World Championship(2.4mile swim, 112 mile bike and a 26.2 mile run, all in 10hr 45min). Just finishing an Ironman in the allotted 17 hours has never been a goal of mine. However, finishing in the top echelon amongst the world’s best was. I wanted to finish in the top 50% at the World Championships – only 1900 out of 90,000 are even invited to compete. On paper it seems doable. But…

What if you couldn’t sweat on 1/3 of your body and couldn’t quit sweating on the other 2/3 of your body – burn scars over 65% of my body make regulating body temperature in extreme heat a challenge.

What if you suffered severe dehydration and urinated blood before you even ran the marathon portion in every hot race in the past – and this race would be even hotter?

How did I finish in the top 50% of the World’s hardest one day endurance event? I relied on the wisdom of the notorious Marshall Bruce Mathers III, rapper Eminem:

“Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted. One moment

Would you capture it or just let it slip?”

Like the movie 8 Mile, I knew I had just one shot, one opportunity to seize everything I ever wanted. Some called me crazy (co-workers, peers, even family members), but I knew what it would take and refused to let the naysayers deter me. I also knew this was God’s plan for my life.

8 steps to achieving a lifetime dream:

  1. I sat down with my wife and mapped out what it would take to transform my body into peak fitness (20-25 hours a week in addition to working a full time job). Luckily, my wife was an active part of my past Ironman races and knew this was a life goal. She knew I was committed to making it a reality. You’re insane if you don’t think a supportive spouse has a huge impact on your success. Goals require a FAMILY commitment. To make up for the long 6-7 hour Saturday workouts, I gladly served her breakfast in bed Sunday and Monday mornings.
  2. I contacted every major triathlon manufacturer of equipment I used and asked for their support. I told them my story of getting burned, being told I’d never play sports again and how I was racing in the Ironman World Championships and was going to train like a Pro… and hopefully have all the advantages the Pros have (i.e. great equipment). Surprisingly, many gladly supported my cause (Newton Running, Trek Bicycles, Under Armour, Louis Garneau, CompuTrainer, First Endurance nutrition, Kill Cliff recovery drink).
  3. I spent 5 months calculating my sweat rate at specific heart rates (race pace). I weighed myself 5x a day for those 5 months (when I woke, before a workout, after a workout, at lunch and when I went to bed) and I measured how much water I consumed during workouts. I precisely calculated my sweat rate at 5lbs per hour at race pace in race heat conditions.
  4. I engaged a local nutritionist to review my caloric intake and water loss to determine how much fluid, electrolytes and calories would be needed for me to race at maximum effort without shutting my body down. What’s crazy is she did it for free when I shared my dream with her – thanks so much Mari-Etta Parrish!
  5. Based on my desired fluid intake, I’d have to drink 4 gallons during the race. To do so, I trained my stomach to absorb 1.5 liters of fluid every hour for 10 hours. Drinking this much water for this period of time while exercising is not normal. It took over 3 months of training my stomach to process this much fluid without feeling bloated. Painful but necessary process.
  6. I consumed race nutrition for every workout for 4 months leading up to the race. I wanted to make sure my stomach could handle the necessary calories and not have any adverse reactions. I ate the same thing for breakfast almost every morning for those 4 months – 2 frozen blueberry waffles and a cup of Starbucks coffee. I also ate the same thing every night before my big 7hr training workouts – Little Caesars pepperoni pizza. Call me boring, but I wanted no surprises.
  7. Based on my heavy sweat rate, I had to train my body to sweat less if I wanted to maintain the race intensity. I spent the last 3 weeks of training doing 1hr each morning and each night of heat acclimation. I would heat my workout room in my house to 100 degrees, put on thermal underwear, sweat suit, toboggan, gloves and ride my bike. It was miserably hot but I eventually learned to block it out and enjoy the time. When I traveled for work, I carried a floor heater, my racing bike and my CompuTrainer (indoor bike trainer). I would then heat my hotel room to 100 degrees, layer up and pedal away. I always got lots of stares in the hotel… if they only knew.
  8. Lastly and equally important, I engaged all of my friends in my journey and openly asked for their help. They not only helped; they jumped at the chance to be a part of my story. One of my best friends (Brian Feeney) not only designed my race kit, but he also flew to Kona to cheer me on. Another friend (Chris Stalcup) donated an entire weekend of his film crew to make a series of promotional videos to help me raise money. A high school friend (Jimmy Powers) called to say he could get his PR firm to assist. Another high school friend (Matt Caldwell) stepped up to be a major sponsor (Caldwell Insulation) featured on my race kit. A man I had met at Starbucks in Atlanta (Joel Shapiro of Timbervest) introduced me to Kill Cliff and collectively they were my biggest sponsors. Sheryl Crow, the singer-songwriter Sheryl Crow, contacted me and actively promoted my story on her Facebook page. Countless friends bought my fundraising shirts and made personal donations to support my cause. I was simply blown away by the generosity of everyone. Just think, none of these things would have happened had I played it safe and not committed 100% to making my dream a reality.

What will this year be for you?

Will it be another year of doing what you’ve done every year and praying that by a sheer miracle you achieve something life changing?

If you truly commit to making a difference, you can make it the GAME CHANGER YEAR, the Year you redefined what was possible. May this year bring you prosperity. But more importantly, may it bring you a greater recognition of your abilities and the courage to pursue them with complete freedom and confidence that you can do anything.

ABOUT SHAY

Shay is an All American and World ranked triathlete, burn survivor with scars over 65% of his body and is a sought out national motivational speaker. Despite being told he’d never compete in sports again at the age of 8, Shay is living testament to “Anything is Possible”: 4x Ironman, 4x member of Team USA, ranked top 1% of Ironmen worldwide and has competed in 9 triathlon world championships, including the Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. His mantra has always been to not merely be a “finisher” but to be a “competitor.” If you enjoyed this article, I encourage you to check out my other posts.